Saying "goodbye" to someone always sucks; death sucks. Combined together, the worst feeling that one can have. But what's even worse is you never had the opportunity to even say goodbye before your loved one's line is cut. Wow, it's a pretty bad feeling.
Grandma Juanita, I will miss you.
My experience in the Philippines was a time in my life that I will never forget. Sometimes I feel like I want to regret it, but I don't. I met so many people that have touched my life in good ways. I miss so many people there. So many. I miss them all.
I can go on and on about the many people that I met there, but the one person that I met that always brought a smile to my face was Grandma Juanita. She isn't my real grandma, but I still called her that. She was the grandma of my cousins [on my mom's side] on the other side of their family. But whenever I would go visit my family there, Grandma Juanita was the first one to greet me with a smile and a hug. She was so loving.
The last time I saw her, she had tears in her eyes. We didn't know the next time we were going to see each other. So her last hug to me was just a little bit tighter, and her smile was a little bit more teary-eyed, and her "goodbye" was a little bit unwanted...because we both knew she was getting along in her years, and I didn't know when I was going to come back.
"Goodbye's" are so hard to do. If I had a choice, I would never say goodbye but "I love you." I know that people write all these things about "What if tomorrow never comes..." yaddah yaddah yaddah...But in all honestly, you don't know. You really don't know.
So Grandma Juanita, thank you. Thank you for your kindness, your love, and your touch in my life. Thank you for calling me one of your own, even though I wasn't blood related...I never felt out of place with you. I love you and as long as you are in my heart and the hearts of the others that you have touched with your kindness, you are never really gone. Our memories of you will be past down and through them you will live.
RIP Grandma Juanita. I will miss you.