Thursday, September 29, 2005

hey yo'!


Hey...it's been awhile since i really wrote one here, huh? okay, well, not REALLY long time ago, but some time ago. But yeah...well, my week has been pretty slow...did some stuff and got through with it. Good...iono what is wrong with my DOOR! My brother juss came in here to get something, and it's like my door IS GROWING! Well, i told my sister's boyfriend about it before...kasi there was this one time where it coudn't even close! And he said that because of the weather, the wood on my door keeps on expanding and then de-expanding, if that is possible, depending how cold or how hot it gets. It got to that point where my dad sandpapered my door juss so that it could close without any struggle, but now it's acting up again, maybe because it's getting hot again.

What is it with this weather?! I love it being hot, i really do, but then, it's hot then it get FREEZING cold, and i'm not a fan of the cold weather all that much. but then, i'm not complaining about this wonderful weather as for now.

Well, last week, two of my classes got canceled, and i was sorta ticked that i didn't get a phone call and stuff...LONG story...well, i guess i can tell the shortened version of it. I like to tutor foreign students who have a hard time in class....and in my Music for ECE class i'm tutoring this one lady that has a hard time speaking and sorat understanding English, she speaks Arabic...so cool! well, we were suppose to have a test on tuesday, and our class is at 2:pm, and she asked me to come at 10:30 in the morning so that i can help her in her last minute study...she studied everything already, juss wanted me to go over with her AGAIN! But it's all good, that is why i'm there. But then she calls at 12:pm and tells me that she is sorry, she had another class, and forgot to tell me. And so I ask her if she is gonna come now...and she said yeah, so i waited and at 1:pm she said that she changed her mind! and since i was a nice girl, i juss swollewed my anger and said  okay, and since it was only one more hour until my class i stayed there. 2:pm rolled around and i went to class only to find a notice posted up saying that we didn't have class that day! OH MY GOODNESS! i have to admit that i was sorta mad...but oh okay...that's okay, it's life. Sorta almost same thing happened last Thursday. Oh well...

Well, today, thursday again, i go to class...class starts at 6:pm, right? Well, i go to class, and wait, it's only 4 of us there...and then the teacher calls and says that she is on her way, but she had gotten a flat tire, so we waited...the teacher didn't come until 7:30! originally i would have been upset for waiting that long, but i had a lot of fun conversations with my classmates, and the teacher, she is really cool, and i think she is one of the best teachers that i have ever had! She is awesome, and it wasn't her fault that she had a flat tire, and then there was hella traffic...so i feel bad for her.

So what had happened was i signed up for this class, Intro to ECE, and then this teacher other than the teacher that it said was suppose to be our teacher came and said that the teacher that was suppose to be teaching our class was having complications with her pregnancey, or something like that, and so the school had to find someone who could teach the class, and this teacher we have now is really cool. But she lives 2 hours away from the school, and it's the only class that she would be teaching in SCC. So she has some crazy commute. She accepted the job, kasi she is cool like that, and she knew that we really needed a teacher. I love her, she's a great teacher. Damn though! TWO HOURS! yeah, she's cool.

I got to talk to my sister. She is up at PUC na. She is there with her boyfriend...can everyone say "AWWWWWW" jejeje...yeah, that's cute. But yeah, i hope that i could see her. I might go up there tommarow, MIGHT. i'm not sure yet. I miss her a lot. But i know that she is also gonna be coming up next week for my brother's birthday, so that's good. It's crazy how much i miss her...but i do.

I also got to talk to my insan. I love her baby so much! She is so tiny! but i know that she will grow...damn..she is adorable!

well, i guess i gosta go na!

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

89 questions.

01.Your name --- Charity
02. Hobbies --- so much to name! but anything that i concider fun...which leads to another question, what do you concider fun? but that's the not questions here. :)
03. Gender --- female
04. School ---yep, i go to school...SCC
05. Height --- four feet eleven inches
06. Zodiac sign ---gemini twins
08. Address --- Fairfield, CA
09. Email add --- princesspinay@hotmail.com
10. Hair length --- hm...never really measured it...but it's long.
11. Eye colour --- dark chocolate
12. Hair colour --- dark brown
13. Left handed/ right handed --- right
14. status --- single and LOVING IT!
15. Siblings --- dalawa lang, isang ate at isang ading
16. Last 4 digit of your mobile no --- don't have one
When's your Birthday --- june 17

*Have you...*
21. Tried smoking --- nope
22. Drink alcohol --- long time ago
23. Been hurt emotionally --- who hasn't!?
24. Kept a secret from someone --- yep
25. Been on stage --- yep
*Favourites*
26. Colors --- pink, silver, black
27. Food --- asain food
28. O?--- do you mean the big O? haha
29. Number --- #14
30. Cartoons --- hm..don't reallly have one
31. TV shows --- hm...
32. Movie --- The Little Mermaid

*Right now*
36. Wearing --- pjs
37. Hairstyle --- super straight and long
38. Looking --- at what i'm typing on the screen
39. Thinking -- many thoughts
40. Listening --- "Heaven" by DJ Sammy

*Do you believe in...*
41. Love --- it's out there...
42. Fate --- i believe that God has things in store for
you... but in the end, you still call the shots
43. Yourself --- yes
44. Ghosts --- evil has many forms
45. Angels --- yes
46. Worn jeans --- yep...so comfy
47. Cleaned your room --- jeje...yeah...so why is it looking a mess AGAIN!
48. cried --- not in a while
49. met someone new --- not today, but yeah...doesn't everyone?!
50. Last person I talk to on the phone -- Presmaire
51. Do you believe you can fall in love/can you love
the person you disliked most? --- i guess gradually you can fall in love with someone, as for loving the person you dislike that most...hm...well...iono if this answer's the question, but the person that i dislike that most, i use to love him so much. and i guess i always will.
52. Have a secret admirer --- jejeje.....
53. Do you wanna get married --- not in MY plans...but iono that plans that God has for me.
54. Do you plan on having kids --- i plan on working with kids, whom i know i will see them as my own :)
55. How old you wanna be when you get married --- it's not in MY plans to get married, but whatever plans that God has for me...i don't know what age He plans on getting me married. :)
56. How old you wanna be when you have your
baby --- hm...
57. How many kids do you want --- IF i do have kids, and i say IF...i want one set of twins and another child, so that makes three
58. Would you have kids before marriage--- hm...
59. Do you have a Crush --- im swear! NOPE
60. What do you want most in a relationship --- honesty
61. Pink or Black --- both are my favorite colors, but pink
62. Kiss or hug --- both
63. Summer or winter --- summer
64. Sunny or rainy --- sunny
65. Chocolate or vanilla --- chocolate
66. Hanging out or chillin --- difference?
67. Music or TV --- MUSIC
68. Hamburger or Pizza --- either of the 2
69. Smile or Laughing --- both
70. Sleeping or eating --- sleeping....:)
71. Mc Donald's or KFC --- KFC
72. Silver or gold --- silver
73. Sunset or sunrise -- both
74. On phone or in person --- as much as i can, in person, but if that's not posible, i guess the phone will have to do.
75. Diamonds or Pearls --- diamonds, but i like pearls as well.
76. Adidas or puma --- adidas
77. Band members or models --- huh?
78. Local or international Artist --- whatever
79. sneakers or boots --- sneakers
80. Jack daniels or Chivas Regal --- hm....
81. Dunhill or Malboro --- i wouldn't know....
82. clubbing or live music --- clubbing with live music
83. Johnny depp or Brad Pitt --- hm.....
84. angelina Jolie or Kate Hudson --- hm....
85. colosal/epic or romantic comedy -- what is colosal/epic?!
86. sexy/naughty or kind/plain --- a bit of both
87. BMW or Mercedes --- hm...
88. incubus or maroon 5 --both are cool....
89. Montreal or Toronto -i dunno.. don't know much
about both places



[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Five Random Quotes

1.  The face can speak of a thousand emotions, but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels. Don't be fooled, for the "happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart."
So, I have learned that this can be true…speaking both from experience and from what I have observed. I guess this is one of the many reasons why I try my best not to judge anyone that I come across because I really don't know what they are trying to hide; I don't know their story. All I try my best to do is to except people for who they are without any judgment, so that people can know that I care, even if I may not know you, I care and so if ever someone needs to talk, I'm there. I know I talk a lot…*laughs* but I can listen as well.

2.  Always remember that the longer you stay with the things you don't really enjoy equates to every moment you lose with what could be a happy life…
Oh goodness, so I have learned this over and over and over again…for some reason, I seem to forget this lesson! *laughs* I mean, it's so true, why stick with something that you know will make you unhappy, if you know that without you can be so much more happier. Okay, so happiness is a choice…but what is also a choice are the things that you can choose that you enjoy. When I was a nursing student, oh I was happy, but I knew that I wasn't happy with being a nursing student. I did try I really, really did try to be happy and accept myself as a nurse, but I couldn't and now that I'm not a nursing student, I'm so much more happier. If I had listened to my gut instinct sooner, I wouldn't have had to go through the grief of being a nursing student (not that there is anything wrong with being a nursing student, it was just NOT for me.)

3.  If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there?
I like this one, because yeah…if you want to go somewhere, but you don't know where to go, how will you ever get there. Okay, so I know that there are times where I get so upset that I just want to start running and never stop running until I'm so tired that I can't be upset any longer…and where would I jog…well, anywhere that I can juss as long as I can get "there". *laughs*…but in life, I know that I want to succeed…but when I think about it, there are so many things that I want to succeed in, so I should have short goals to get where I want to be. I want to own a childcare facility. And I know how I'm going to go about to achieve that life dream….I have to know what I want to know how to get there, right?

4.  The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions.
Oh how true is this!!! So life is all about risks…even choosing NOT to take a risk is a risk because no matter what you decide to do, that is the path you have decided to take in life. If you don't take any risks in life, what will you be able to say in the end? That you did nothing because you were to scared to try. And who knows, the thing that you were to scared to go for, prolly could have worked out for you….and if you never try, then you will never know. Yeah, I do believe there are situations where it might be TOO risky and dangerous to yourself…but there are simple things in life that are to life-threatening….like smiling and saying hi to someone you walk past…what's the worst that can happen?! That person can pull out a gun and shoot you for talking to them!...(oh goodness, lets hope that doesn't happen!) But think of the many good that it can do…you brighten up a persons day…and so forth…you know?

5.  Wisdom begins in wonder.
This is one of the reasons why I love children…they are ALWAYS wondering about things…they are always curious, and they are always learning new things. They still see things with new eyes…the things that we as adults see as "whatever"…a child sees it as an amazing thing…cloud shapes, a butterfly, an earthworm, the coldness of the ocean, running for the fun of it, taking a bath…I think as long as you are wondering and curious about something or how something works or about anything and you take that initiative to solve it, to find out more about it, to learn…you will always be moving forward in life. Or something like that. *laughs*

Friday, September 23, 2005

Weekend is here!


Well..it seems like this week has dragged on FOREVER! But in other ways it didn't. I'm glad that tommarow is Saturday...finally a day of no expectations and rest. Well...there are some expectations...but then...all in all...it's my day that God gave to me to fully relax and appreciate that i am alive to actually relax.

Well...i kinda sorta but not really redid my room. I wanna move more things around and stuff...but for now, i moved my computer desk...moved my laptop to my desk desk thing...and my bed. I'm comtemplating whether or not i should take down the beaded curtian that i put up in the middle of my room...most likely it is gonna stay there...i like it there...and it's different. I think my room looks a lot smaller than it really is...i have so much things! But i really didn't like how my computer and laptop was near my window where this is constant sunlight on them...i don't think that it hurts it...but i still didn't like that. So yeah.

I got to talk to my sister again today. She will be coming up again, soon. I miss her so much. I don't konw why, but we had to cut our talk short...but i can't wait to see her again. I know that i have so much to tell her! She is a great sister and i know that i'm so blessed to have a real sister like her. :)

I went to my lil sister's house today and had some more Laksa...that stuff is GOOD! It's like a malaysan dish or something...but i had something like that in Thailand...at the victory monument market...damn...i really miss that place a lot. Pero, ay naku! mashado maanghang naman! At least the one at my lil sisters house was! The one in thailand was perfect...but i could take it. I had mango juice. :)Anyways...there was this guy there that was like a massuse...HOWEVER you spell that word...and he was very good...jeje...now MELISSA! i hope you know how to massage hands good...i LOVE it when people massage my hands when i'm sitting down...and a full back massage is good as well. :)

I also got to talk to my bestest buddy. I felt bad kasi we agreed that i would call her at 10:pm...but then i couldn't seriously! My lil sister's family wanted to have a sundown worship thingy and i was forced into it...and it wasn't until 10:27pm that i could call. But i really miss her a lot. She is a great bestest buddy....She is a RA this year...and i know that she will do a good job at it too. She is a damn straight hard worker...but she makes time for her friends...you know who i'm talking about! I LOVE YOU! :)

Well...my lil sis will be sleeping over tommarow...kasi her mom's wedding reception will be on sunday...that's gonna be a lot of fun! Her wedding pics are AMAZING...! It makes me wanna go out and get my own wedding pics...oh yeah...me and this one guy agreed to take some together...that would be really cool if it really happened. :) Kinda tripy though. :) I really wanna be a wedding planner...dang...that would be the most funnest ever! i think that is one of the many things that i will be...but first and formost...an Early Childhood Education Teacher...kids...damn i LOVE them! :)

Well...gosta wake up early tomarrow! So goodnight and sweetdreams for now!

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Thursday, September 22, 2005

well then...


Well then...it has been a while since i felt like writing...well, i guess you could say that i always feel like writing, but then, i feel like talking more. But then to me...writing is juss like talking...but not...because i have to actually write down what i am thinking instead of saying it out loud, and i think that i type pretty slow, and so by the time i finish typing one thought, already a million things have passed through my head about what i wanted to say. Hm...prolly that is why i got so used to talking so fast. i wanna attepmt to say everything that is in my head...but i can't really...since i think that it was thought that had the fastest speed, diba?! so yeah....

hm...let me see if i can explain this the way i want to. if you think your right, you won't ask for help, right?! if you personally think that something is the "normal" or the "right way" to you...you won't change, right? hm...for example...if you are right handed...you continue useing you right hand, unless you somehow hurt your right hand enough that you have to use your left hand, or you wanna try something different so you use your left hand...and visa versa. did i get what i'm trying to say across? if not...then forget what i am about to write...but if so...feel free to keep reading...or not, it's your decision...it's not all that important to ready anyways...juss one of those thoughts that are passing through my mind.

Lately, i find it extremely anoying when people say that i talk to fast. WHAT is to fast and what isn't?! who sets the normal speed for talking?! if i talk to fast, have didn't someone stop me when i was younger so that i could have gotten used to talking "normal?" what is the normal speed?! To my own ears I sound "normal." yeah...when i figure out that you can't understand me, i will try to slow down...but you know..if your used to something...you tend to go back to what you were used to...so even though i slow down, i'll resume MY normal speed. I don't know why this is juss anoying me. I know that it sorta anoyed me before...but not really. well...i dont' think that it did...i jsus made me realize that i don't talk at the same speed as other people. but now that i know that people don't understand what i'm saying...it makes me wanna talk less...and so unless i'm with my really close friends...i notice that i haven't been talking as much. and THAT is un-normal! i don't know why this is bugging me so much. i know that i'm making such a big deal out of nothing...maybe im juss in a weird moody stage...iono. but i hope that it passes soon. because those blank stares are starting to get to me.

when you talk slower to someone...don't you feel like you're talking down to them?! i hate talking down to anyone...i know how it feels. it makes ME feel stupid, dumb, unintelligent, like they are anoyed with me. so i don't want anyone to feel that way. so i guess unless this IS a weird phaze that i am going through...i feel like not talking...so don't ask me what is wrong...nothing is wrong..i juss don't feel like talking.

you know...for the first time...i think i REALLY didn't want to play volleyball. there are times where i went to play volleyball, and i didn't want to play, but then i got into the game and wanted to play...and then there are those time where i'm really pumped for the game, then something happens and i dont' wanna play anymore, or whatever...sometime i wanna play or yeah...but last night...i went not wanting to play and i thought to myself that prolly when i get there, i'll want to play. but i never felt that "i want to play." and i felt so terible that i knew that i wasn't playing my best. i'm not great...but i konw that i don't suck as i did last night...oh okay..i wasn't THAT bad...but my heart really wasn't into it. i don't know why. i still love the sport and stuff...but i hope that it was only this one time. AND i sprained my thumb last night...i knew i should have juss been a loser and stayed home to study! :) it's all good...the more excersize the more better i should feel. SHOULD...but hm...wonder what happened there...i guess it was how i saw it. i could have been in a better mood...i guess i didn't have the energy to try.

For all those people out there...i juss wanna let you know this. Early Childhood Education Teachers ARE NOT baby sitters. Juss so that you could know, it is at these early stages of life that you learn everything that is most important to you. yeah...juss that little thought for you think of.

well...yeah...thas about it...but not...thoughts are still flying through my head...but you could be here forever reading my boring thoughts...so much props to you for reading this far...but i'll stop now.

[Tranferred from my myspace blog]

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Yellow?!


Yellow!? jeje...i really miss JynJyn...she got me saying that! I really REALLY miss her lotsa! She is great, and don't anyone ever say she's not...you don't really know her them. :)

Well, as i said before, my weekend was great! I dont' even know how to begin it. For church this chemist person did the sermon...and that was some coolness! Changing the water and stuff to different colors and the coke can...and the smoke and all that cool stuff. I think that it would be great to have the knowledge of doing cool things with certain things...i love watching the chemical reactions and all that fun stuff...then it comes to the equations, and that kills me like wow! so i think i'll leave that to the expert chemist out there...and ill juss enjoy the "lab" part and let them do the thinking part. :)

Well, after i ate at the potluck after church, i met the person who did the sermon's daughter...she use to live at Adventist University of the Philippines...and i juss came back from that school...well actually her family juss came back from living there for 8 years...and my bestest buddy was told her to speak to me...and that girl spoke fluent tagalog to me! i was shocked...it's not everyday that you hear a caucasion speak to you fluently in your native laguage...well not to me...that was cool...her and her brother sing really well..she has a high HIGH voice and she's really nice..i wish that she could come down more and we can talk more. that would be so cool :)
then i went to my friends house...and we watched Veggie Tales...i fell asleep in the middle of their living room! and then the mailman had to ring the doorbell! and then i woke up and went to my friends room and fell asleep there, and the my brotehr kept calling repeatedly and taht drove me up the wall..so i woke up and waht did i do?! uh-oh..i forgot...oh yeah...then me and my friend took foreve to get ready...and then we went to micheals and target...and then home and then we were bored and took a MILLION different pictures! yep! taht was fun! after my otehr friend and brother left (my brother didnt' take pictures with us) we still were continueing to take pictures...and then my bestest buddy went to sleep, and WE STILL CONTINUTED to take pictures..i didn't go to sleep until around 5:55am and my friend she went to bed at 6:30am...but wow, so much fun.

Then today, we moved my bestest buddy to school! BOOOO.....so sad ako! siyempre, kasi...SHE IS MY BESTEST BUDDY...and now she is far far away...jaja...okay...only an hour away...but it's still far away! i hope that she is okay though...i really do...i konw that she is gonna have fun today. i jsus know it.

You know waht?! i like mermaids. i really do. I think they are pretty...and i wonder...like Leah...HOW DO THEY HAVE BABY'S!? and my bestest buddy brought up a point. they are half fish..so they lay eggs...that's weird. Wow...that is weird. If i were a mermaid, i would know...but since i'm not..i don't know...but one day...i will know...jajaja...i love being weird.

okay...that's enough now. :) "i'm never letting go!"

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Oh my...

I don't even know where to start...you know how i wanted someting to happen on saturday...well...right now i am in my friend's house...and we are juss here...i'm laying on the ground, on my bestest buddy's laptop and my other friend is on her computer...and we juss had a massive picture taking spree...and wow! that was so much fun! i don't understand, i HATE trying on chothes in the store..but i was changing my clothes so much..juss to take the million pictures and i was having so much fun! well, that's all i'm gonna say for now...i don't feel llike writig more...and so i will say something more laterz. :)


[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Friday, September 9, 2005

The weekend is finally here!


Hm...i know i can say that i am so happy that the weekend has finally come around. Not that this week has been the worst ever...but it was sorta long. Nothing really stuck out and stuff...juss a normal week...i guess the only difference is that i have been living in my little sister's house...not mine. I really can't wait until i get my own place in Florida...i wanna be finished with school and start my life.
Well, i can't say that i really have anything planed for this weekend...so i hope that something pops up. All i know is that i go to church tommarow, which is a good thing. Not only to worship God, but to see the people that i haven't seen in a week. :) But worshiping God is a big thing. And so yeah.

Well, i painted my nails again, and i couldn't decide which color, and so i painted them every other blue and every other green. The good shiney mirror ones...they sorta look the same though...but it's all cool. i hate my middle right finger...it doesn't look right, but i don't really care. :)

You know what i wonder...you know how you have those double feelings?! like hm..for example...your happy your friend that you tutored got an "A" on the test...but mad kasi you didn't get as good of a grade, but it was YOU who tutored her. how do you know which feelings are more stronger?! How is it that in one second, you could feel so much feelings? I think that it's actually pretty cool. Like you love him so much...that you hate him. jeje...i've used that one before...but it's true. There is this one guy that i loved so much, that i ended up not really likeing him. But i know that i still loved him. But he's not one of my favorite guys. It' weird, yet so complicated the way that God made us, huh?

I'm talking with my friend about how early we have to wake up for certain things. Why can't we be fair...you know...like there is 24 hours in a day...and so we should split it up...12 hours awake time and then 12 hours sleep time. Jeje...tell me that wouldnt be cool...well...we could split it up in this way too: 12 hours where it is the stuff that you HAVE to do...and then 12 hours where it's juss "you" time. where you sleep and have fun. That would be cool too. :) I hate waking up early, i would like to say that i'm not a morning person...but i know that it's all in the mind...but i still hate waking up in the morning and i feel more cranky in the morning...actually...i feel more cranky when i'm tried...so even if it's late at night and i'm sleepy and tired...i'm not in the best of moods.

Oh that's another one that weird...how can you be sleepy but not tired. I say that a lot...and when i think about it...it's pretty weird.
I really wanna learn how to surf. I mean, i know how...hm...maybe i can't say that...but i have tried it a couple times...and it was SO much fun! i wish i had the opportunity to get really good at it. That and wakeboareding...maybe i could get my sister's boyfriend to teach me one day. He's nice and VERY patient...so maybe one day. But it IT gonna be one day. That is one of my lifetime dreams that is gonna be a reality. i really wanna. oh and i wanna get a licence to SCUBA dive. That would be A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!!

well...yeah...bye

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Thursday, September 8, 2005

PLEASE TELL ME!


If I did something to you, that got you mad...PLEASE TELL ME! If i did something to you, that pissed you off...PLEASE TELL ME! If i did something to you that annoyed you, that irked you, that juss for some reason made you want to give me the silent treatment, or treat me like shit, or make me feel like i did something wrong, or make me feel like the most rottenest person on this planet earth PLEASE TELL ME!!!!! As much as i wish that i were, I AM NOT A MIND READER...and i won't know what i did, unless YOU TELL ME!!! It might have been juss a misunderstanding or something, but we can't do anything about it if you're not talking to me. And it frustrates me when people do this to me! They get upset at me, they get mad at me, and they expect to know what i did wrong. I don't go out and do things that would make people mad at me, so i don't know what i did. And it makes it worst if you are giving me the silent treatment...because i will never know what is going on in your mind. If you tell me what i did, i'll say sorry...but i won't say sorry if  i don't know what i'm saying sorry for or if there was even a need to say sorry! SO JUSS TELL ME WHAT I DID! Please...it's juss a favor. You don't have to even tell me yourself..juss let me know somehow WHY YOU ARE UPSET WITH ME! it's not fun for me to juss be sitting here, wondering why ********** is mad at me, or is treating me the way s/he is. I would like to know what caused you to feel this way about me! Please! Communication...please! And i'll do the same for you if you want.
Why is it that as humans we think we know people. I mean, yeah, you may THINK you know someone...but do you really know someone. Like, if a person is all happy-go-lucky, they seem like they have no problems at all, they never get mad, they are always on people's good side...or at least that is how they SHOW themselves to the world...why is it, if they do something out of what we "normally" see them as...we are like "whoa...what crawled up her butt and died?" Okay..i guess i'm juss talking about myself. Why is it that the people who i would hope know me the most, only see me as this person who is always happy, always smiling, always talking, always in a good mood...and when i walk down stairs and i'm not smiling...everyone asks what is wrong?! There IS NOTHING WRONG! i juss wasn't smiling. I wish there were some way that i could show them that i am human too. I am. I swear! i have bad days too, i have days where i dont' feel like talking, smiling, being in a good mood. There are days where i dont 'think of others...where i juss plain "woke up on the other side of the bed!" I mean! Hello! Doesn't EVERYONE! Why is it, when i get upset over something...my parents gotta get mad at ME for being mad! But when they are upset about something, I have to let them be mad. I dont' get it...do i HAVE to continue hiding all my feelings inside with my family!? why can't i juss be myself?! i mean...like a human. I'm entitled to have all the feelings that they have too, right?! i don't only have the good emotions and feelings...i hurt, i cry, i get mad, i get frustrated, i want things my way at times, i wanna make my own mistakes...damn! i guess i'm juss frustrated...i wanna get out...i'm sick and tired of this...this...i don't know the word! TRAPPED feeling of trying to make my family proud of who i am...but i can NEVER acheive that! i seriously don't think that it's possible! And being the stupid person that i am...i keep trying to please them..when i know that i can't. ::sigh::
On to more happier thoughts...i'm great, i'm good, i'm loving life. I had a long talk with one of my classmates, and she helped me realize that there are guys out there who aren't there to break my heart. She is such a fun person..she has gone skydiving 3 times and all those other crazy stuff that i wanna do..and she said that one day, she will take me! I can't wait! I wanna be up there in the clouds looking down on this earth...wouldn't that be the greatest?! i think that would be sooo awesome to expereience. She took her boyfriend up there once...and it was sooo romantic...jajaja! The stories that she told me were making me laugh so hard i felt like i couldn't breath! I can so see her working with kids...she a great person.
Well, it's less than half a week now when lissa and rara come home. I miss them a lot. But i know that they are having the most funnest time ever...and they prolly wouldn't want to come home yet. i know that i wouldn't. I can't wait to hear the stories that they will tell! It would be good to have them back.
Well...bye.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

max 95 characters


Today was a pretty uneventful day. But it was a good day to relax and juss have a me day. But i guess that can get sorta boring...i have so much energy that i have to force myself to sleep tonight...whoops, i guess it's already to late for that. :) It's morning already. :) I need to start going to sleep at a decent hour and wake up at a decent hour.

I know that it's not New Years yet...but i'm gonna make two new goals. 1) Wake up at a decent hour and go to sleep at an okay hour. 2) have a more healthy lifestyle. yep yep...okay, i'm not UNhealthy, but i would like to be more healthy. but yeah...maybe if i post this in my blogs i would be motivated to keep them. :) At least im working out everyday now. :) that has to count for something...:)

You know one thing i wonder about? You take naps, right?! During the day...you get sleepy, so if you have the time...you take a nap. It's bright outside...the sun is shining in your eyes...and when you close your eyes...it's not black...it's like dark reddish...you know what i'm talking about. You can turn the lights off...but there is still light. You know what i'm talking about. But when it comes to nightime...most people want it dark. Like they claim they can't sleep with the lights on. How is that?! If your really tired....can't you sleep through anything? I get that all the time. Like people say they can't sleep if there is even the littlest bit of light. i was juss wondering about that right now.

well, yeah...that's my thought for today.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]