Tuesday, December 19, 2006

You Don't See Me

Right now I'm listening to the song, "you don't see me" from the soundtrack josie and the pussycats. I have never seen the movie, but then I already love the soundtrack…but I'm only listening to this song…listen to it…wait…let me juss paste the words…it's soo…well..you tell me…let me put the lyrics here…:



You Don't See Me
Josie and the Pussycats

This is the place where I sit.
This is the part where I love you too much.
Is this as hard as it gets,
Coz I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough.

I'm here if you want me,
I'm yours you can hold me.
I'm empty, and taken,
And tumbling and breaking.

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me.
And you don't love me,
The way I wish you would.
The way I know you could.

I dream of world where you understand
But I dream of million sleepless nights.
Oh, I dream of fire when you're touching my hands,
But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights.

I'm speechless and fading,
It's to complicated,
Is this how the book ends?
Nothing but good friends.

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would,
The way I wish you could.

This is the place in my heart,
This is the place where I'm falling apart,
Isn't this just where we met,
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get,

I wish I was lonely,
Instead of just only,
Crystal and see through
And not enough to you.

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love me,
the way I wish you would,

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love,
The way wish you would,
The way I know you could.

So what do you think of the lyrics…yeah…It's soo sad…and right now I'm so sad…I'm here in the Philippines…and it's my mommy's birthday….i missed her birthday for 3 years now…2004 I was here in the Philippines, 2005 I went to Monterey Bay Aquarium and stuff to support friends and stuff…and now it's 2006 and I'm here again in the Philippines..i didn't think that I would be back here for my mommy's birthday…and I'll be here for the next few years for her birthday…for my daddy's and my brother's and sooner or later for my sister's birthday…and I think that's so heart hurting…I'm also here for my birthday…and it's sucks…damn…right now, I'm thinking that it sucks to be here…I'm missing all the birthday's of my friends…all the celebration, all the fun…everything…I don't know what I' doing here…and I'll admit right now…I'M HOMESICK!!!! At least for the holidays…most days, I can suck it up, and psych myself out that I'm at home, and everyone else is off at school or something….but right now, I know that it's vacation time, and normally we would all be together…planning something fun since we haven't seen each other in  million years…but no…I am here in Bulacan…and yeah…they want me to RELAX!!! So they won't let me help around here…and I know that there is SO much to do! Because Christmas preparations, the other side's grandparents 50th anniversary, Tatay's birthday…and a HUGE family reunion…and you know what….? This is what really depresses me…I'm not really part of the family. I'm related only to the auntie…and everyone else is on the dad's side…so I don't feel like part of anything. I guess this is what it really means to not have any family around…but I'm really trying…I am…but there isn't anything to do really here…their fun is different from my fun…the KIDS here like to smoke and drink…what pisses the HELL out of me…is there is an adorable baby here…he is only 1 year and 2 months…and GET THIS….when they HOLD him they are SMOKING!!! Okay…that REALLY pisses me off…I'm not gonna tell you off for smoking…you can do whatever the hell you want…you can smoke as much whatever you want…but PLEASE don't do it while holding a baby OR when you know that the smoke is going in their direction…but what can I say…what can I do…he's not my cousin…so I can't say anything…my gosh…they even think that it's fun to blow the smoke in the baby's face…what the FUCK!?! Now that really really really pisses me off…but like I said…what can I do about it…I told them once to stop…but they juss laughed and said that I'm being over protective…but yeah…they even give ALCOHOL to the little kids here… "kuya, I'm thirsty..." oh okay…here…and it's some alcoholic drink…!? The hell? Is that normal? Am i juss living in some other world?! I don't know…what do I know anyways…? I juss know that IF I ever decide to get married (yes, I changed my mind AGAIN! J ) and I have lil babies…don't even THINK of doing that to my lil ones! But yeah…I'm not like that…and that's what they like doing…I don't even like the smell of smoke…but I deal with it, so that I can go out and talk with the others…but yeah…

So, I'm making it seem like it's terrible here…it's not…there are a lot of little kids here…oh yesterday, I actually sucked it in and let them play with my laptop and they did something so it' wasn't function in the widescreen mode anymore…it was a lil screen in the middles…and the rest of my screen was black…and the icons were HUGE…and I was like what the heck…I tried texting my cousin…but I think that he was on the phone with his girlfriend…oh wait…I think I said that yesterday…but uhm…yeah…there are a lot of kids here…and I like to play with them…they help me with my tagalog…I know the language…but the sentence structure is so confusing! And things like "mo" and "ka"…those both mean "you" but you use it in different situations. And if someone asks you something like… "May clase ka?" (do you have class?)…you would normally say no…which is "hindi"…but no…you say "wala" which is "none" …things like that confuse me.  Same thing with "may" and "meron"…uhm…I don't know how to translate that word…like something like "do [you] have" So you can say "may clase ka?" or "Meron ka clase?" it means the same thing… okay, I don't know how to put it…it's juss like that…you can even say, "May clase?" and that means " Is there any class?" I know! So confusing!

Okay, I juss got back from eating…it only took me like 5 minutes though…wow…jejeje…I guess you can eat faster if your not talking all the time…jejeje…I miss eating with the family…I'm always the last one finish…and like forever afterwards as well…because, if there isn't anyone at the table…then I juss turn the radio on, and I'm singing…or my mom stays and talks with me…or I juss don't finish my food. Goshness…I really miss that a lot. Beef…that's what I had…with rice…everything is with rice…noodles…salad…actually I haven't really eaten salad here…like real salad…except when I go to pizza hut and get their cesear salad. But yeah…I miss eating salad. I think that I'm gonna go home and go to Fresh Choice and get myself a hugs salad…but yeah…everything is with rice.

I really miss home. I talked to my mom…I tried calling the house…but no one picks up the phone…but I'm not surprise…no one really picks up the house phone anymore…and then I tried calling my brother, but no pick up, and I tried calling my daddy…but still no pick up…I didn't' want to call my mommy straight because she never really picks up her phone…but guess what? She is the first one who picked up phone…she must have been in the computer room doing whatever she does in the computer/study room…and so she had her phone with her and she picked it up. And I'm so glad…I told her happy birthday…she sent something for me…but I don't know how I can get it…the people told her that they will coming to AUP…but they never did…so I don't know…I really want the stuff that my mom sent me. I really really miss my home.

But you know what!?  I think that this is getting long now…juss wanted to say hi to all you friends! Are you done with Christmas Shopping? I'm not….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 yeah...that's it..i left you all hanging...sorry about that...but yeah..i've been busy, my holidays were lets juss say i wouldn't want to repeat them like THAT again...but yeah...oh, i still mean it about the powerpoint chuvaness...anyways...gosta jet, i have to walk 10 miles to my next class in LESS than an hour and i haven't even eating my lunch and i have no break until 6...so "ma una na ako!" mwuah!!!

Monday, December 18, 2006

Blah, Blah, Blah...and so forth

Okay…my last blog sucked….I shouldn't post it, but I don't really care, I'm gonna post it anyways…but yeah, my lil cousin Ivy came here and wanted to look at my powerpoint that I was making. So I guess I'll tell you about that one…yeah, for my General Psychology class I have to make a powerpoint scrapbook OF MY LIFE! She said that she doesn't care if it's long, but she doesn't want us to make it too long….so yeah, it's what it sounds like…it's a scrapbook that I have to put together from when I was born to whatever day I finish it. She wants as much detail in our life as possible…as many memories that we think is relevant in my life and all that kind of stuff…she said that there doesn't need to be pictures…but then since there are quite a few foreigners in my class, she said that they are really necessary… but they would be nice…she wants clip arts and all that fun stuff too…and she wants us to make it look really nice and everything…so I have a favor to ask of you people…I think that I MIGHT put up a bulletin about this too…but uhm…can you, my friends and family, please write a lil something for me to add in the powerpoint…about me growing up in your point of view, a favorite memory that you had of me, something like that…feel free to send me pictures if you want…I'll copy them and add them to the powerpoint as well…feel free to give much information that you think would help me in the my project. That would help me muchoness…so thanks in advance for all your help!!!

But yeah…and then, what else happened today? Well guess what movie that I saw…it's been a while since I've seen it…but then, yes, I saw my most favorite movie in the world…The Little Mermaid. I know it's such a kiddie move…but I think that movie and anything to do with The Little Mermaid or mermaids are more like my "security blanket" in life. If ever I feel sad or homesick, I listen to "Part Of Your World"…and then I'm not as homesick or sad…But the last time that I was here I had bought myself that DVD THREE times, and each time the movies was either stolen or I gave it away…in this case…I gave the movie to my lil cousin, Ivy, kasi she really liked the movie…can you believe that I even gave her my pillow! My little mermaid pillow that I've always had…that's why if those of you who went into my room, I didn't have my lil mermaid pillow…but a silk one now…but I still remember that mermaid pillow…but yeah, Ivy wanted to watch the movie, and so I watched it…it was pretty cute…because I was laying on my stomach watching the movie, and she was laying on my back…and it SO reminded me or Rosemarie…I remember she use to like laying on my back or stepping on my back…gosh, I miss that girl SO much! But yeah…we watched the movie…

I juss did a system repair on my laptop, kasi my lil cousin's and her cousins wanted to play a game on my laptop, and so I let them, and then they did something that made my widescreen laptop function really weird like…you could only see the screen in the middle…but not around it…and it was really tiny…and I freaked out and I couldn't figure out what to do…I tried to text my cousin, but he hasn't answered it, and so I tried calling but I think he might be talking on the phone with his girlfriend…so it's okay…I did a system repair/restore thingy, and so everything is okay…at least I hope so.

Okay, I'm really trying to keep a open mind about staying here…but I've been SO bored! I don't think that there is really nothing to do! I know that being bored is all in the mind…and so I have been trying to find things to do…but there really isn't anything to do here!!! I don't know what there is to do! I've tried everything already! I actually want chocolate right now. But then I have none, so there's nothing that I can do about that. But I really am trying to figure out what to do, but it's sorta hard, because there isn't nothing to do! But I'm still keeping my mind open. All the older ones are still in school, or they are working…and then the little ones are here…and I play with them…but then they still have naptime, and there are times where they juss don't wanna do anything but sit and watch TV…and I don't feel like doing that. Oh well…

My mom's birthday is tomorrow, and I'm gonna miss it…I'm so sad….but I hope that she has a wonderful birthday…I'm gonna try to call her. So that's cool…I'm gonna call her tomorrow. So yeah…I really miss home SO MUCH! I wonder if someone from home is trying to call me, because so far for the past two nights, someone has been miss calling me…and it's a state number…but it shows up as no number…or  +000000….which is another way to say no number…so I don't know who it is…but I sure would like to know…I wanna talk to someone from home…I miss home a lot.

Well, I think that I'm gonna go now. Miss you all so much…hope that you are having fun Christmas shopping. I miss you.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Vacation time = ?FUN?!!?

Okay, so here I am on Microsoft Word…and I'm gonna do it the ghetto way and then copy and paste what I'm writing onto the blog thingamabobber. Yeah..it's the way to go since I don't have internet connection here in Bulacan. So, that's the way it's gonna be.

Well, I arrived here in Bulacan on the 15th of December. Eddie brought me here…actually his uncle did. Well, technically he didn't bring me all the way here…he brought me to a certain place and then my friend Roy picked me up came with me the rest of the way here to Bulacan. I have been staying up pretty late, because I try to go outside and talk with the cousin's of my cousin's. So they aren't MY cousin's…juss the cousin's of my cousin's…yeah, if that made any sense at all.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Thursday, December 14, 2006

I forgot!!


Here's my number:

+63 (0919) 443-5444

text me...i'll do my best to text you back...if i can...oh and if you want to get really technical...i'm Smart...(jejeje...intelligent wise...but also that is my phone company thing...:) uhm...yes...i think that's it...
wishing you merry christmas once again...and see you NEXT YEAR!!!

OH MY GOSH...eddie juss texted me taht his uncle is here and we'll be leaveing in an hour...i gosta hurry...i'm such a professional procrastinator!!! gosta go!

last time until who knows when...


Can you imagaine that i am awake at this unearthly hour? i can see that you are prolly looking at the time that i wrote this...and it says 4:52pm...don't believe everthing you see...myspace is on US time i think...but it sure isn't that time...it's really early the NEXT day already...so i'm writing this in the future...i never really realize that! jejeje...oh well...but then i needed to get back on to tell everyone HAPPY CHRISTMAS AND MERRY NEW YEAR in advance...i'll be going to a place where wireless prolly doesn't exisist...so i might not be able to go online...but i will be able to bring my laptop, so i'll juss write stuff and copy and paste so you can all read about my holidays...but yeah...i see that there are at least 25 people already that read my blog for my last one...so i think that people do read about my boring life...jejeje...or not so boring...read between the lines...you might get something that i didn't really write, but i meant to write...but don't assume okay?! jejeje...

i stayed up until 4 this morning AND I"M UP RIGHT NOW! juss packing...i don't wanna get to bulacan and realize that i forgot something...but i still not done...you know me and packing...i'm never done...i never know if i forgot something or not...until i'm gone...technically that's what forgetting something means...you have to be out of reach from something that you need and you have to realize that you don't have it, and it has to be hard to get that something in order for you to forget something...jejeje...wow, it's too early to be writing antying of importance so why am i writing about forgeting stuff??? oh yeah, because i useually forget stuff...
my chapstick...that's what i always forget..and my socks...but i have my chapstick with me now...and i don't need socks...it's too hot to wear socks...tha'ts what flip flops...slippers...tsinilas...are for! jejeje....but yeah...

well, my friends...let me juss let you all know that i ma thinking of you this holidays...that i miss you so much and that i hope that everything will be the best that there will be in the year 2007! enjoy your last few days, weeks of 2006...don't do anything you'll regret....learn from your mistakes...move on...and most of all!!! HAVE FUN AND MAKE MEMORIES!

now i have to go and finish up my packing...oh yeah...if you find it in your heart that you want to send me PRESENTS....here's my address...


c/o Adventist University of the Philippines
PO Box 1834
1099 Manila Philippines

jejeje...my hopes are up...don't let them down! jejeje *wink* i miss you all so much!!! *hugs and kisses for all!*

[Transferred from my myspace blog]