Tuesday, April 29, 2008

My lipgloss be popin'...whatchu know 'bout me?!

So the song that I'm really liking right now, well…there are two songs that I really, really like right now and that is "Bed" by J. Holiday and "Is it You?" by Cassie…yeah, Cassie sang that song for Step Up II…and did I like that movie?! Yeah, I love the dance scene's in that movie…it really got me pumped up, yep it did! *laughs*

So I officially hate summer classes. I don't like them at all…I'm down to taking only two classes though, because I had to drop my Chem with Bio lab…and so my afternoons are free. I wish that my classes were not at 7 in the morning though…because it's such a struggle to wake up in time for that class…and yes that one is the Chem with Bio lecture…and then my Philosophy of Adventist Education…and wow, I learned that there was a lot of things that I didn't agree on there…but it's okay…but then from 10:am onward I'm pretty much free with nothing to do. Well, I shouldn't say "nothing" because that's not true…I'm doing my homework…and I do have homework galore because it is summer classes and one day is the same as one week…so the teachers even give us a weeks homework in one day…yeah, I hate that…and then I am also teaching class for my Psychology Department…and still in the process of trying to make my new place feel like a "home" instead of juss a place to stay.

It sucks juss having your life revolve around school…but you all know me, I still get in my "socialness" in there…*laughs* sometimes I wonder if I can go more that 24 hours without talking to someone…I think that I can…well, I know that I can…I went through a stage (of a week or so) of only speaking to someone when spoken too, and direct answers…none of this talk-a-tive stuff…but then there was a reason to that…it was a defense mechanism of getting emotional hurt…and I juss shut down…I might be able to go 18 hours without talking to someone on a normal day…but then again, it wouldn't be a "normal day" would it!? *laughs*

Well, yesterday I went out with a couple of friends to town…and we had a lot of fun. Me and a friend left the group for a bit to talk some and then when we came back the group was playing BS….and that was a lot of fun…*laughs* I miss having juss laid-back fun…then we went out to eat…and since we were among friends, it was fun…then I had to go online to research for like 30 minutes…hung out a bit and then went back to my place…I really wouldn't know what to do if I didn't have any friends here…well, I know what I would do, I would make friends. J

Tomorrow is going to be an emotional day for me. My roomies are leaving for Thailand. Joyness might stay there and work there and JynJyn will come back and live in Manila and go take her master's there…I have always had a hard time saying goodbye…and I really don't wanna say bye…but I know that I have too, and there's nothing that I can do about it…I know that the next few days will be tough…but Imma stay strong and keep that smile on my face and maybe the pain of "losing" good friends will fade eventually, ya? "Saying goodbye makes me realize how much I care, how much I love, how much I miss and how much loss I have knowing that things will never be the same again…"

I think I need something to do to take up my time…and no decorating my house is not a good enough project…even though it is a project…and I do write a lot of letters to people…but I need something else to do…because decorating my house means that I have to be in the apartment and it's a reminder that I'm "alone" and you can only write so many letters before it becomes too much. I am teaching some…but not all the time…basically subbing that's it…and during the afternoon, most of my friends are in class still…

Well, I know that the kids at my complex like coming to my house so I end up "babysitting" them a lot…and actually it makes me smile…because I do have fun with them. I got them into loving bubbles *laughs*….and they like to draw pictures…but it gets old when they are knocking on my door 24/7 asking to come in…and sometimes they juss like to stare at what I'm doing…my homework, writing a letter, cleaning my room or something…they like to try reading what I write…and that irritates me…but I know that they can't understand English…and you all know how "difficult" it is to read my handwriting…well, it's not difficult per say…juss different…so kids who are juss learning how to read have a hard time reading it…*laughs* and when they see me cleaning up my room or house or something, they are always so helpful and want to help clean up…which I really don't mind…but then they really REALLY want to help clean to the point where they will fight because I don't have enough things for them to do…*laughs* The little boys make it their job to look around the house for cockroaches so that I won't get scared…but there hasn't been a cockroach in the house for a while now…and the girls make sure that my floor is swept…I feel bad though because they don't like being paid for what they do…I try buying them candy or something…but they won't take it…and if I juss leave it out there and tell them to get whenever they want…they won't all grab for it…like one bag of candy (50 pieces) will take them like at week to eat…and there are about 10 kids (from ages 3-10) that like to come over…not all at the same time though. They do know the rules though…knock before coming in…even if the door is open…no moving my letters/homework without permission…they can't watch a movie without asking me, they can't feed my fish without permission and they are absolutely not allowed to go on my bed or play with my darts…at all. Oh, and of course, shoes off in the house. They are pretty good with listening to me too…if they want to fight with each other, they have to leave…things like that…they behave like kids. *laughs* Well behaved, but loud and very roudy…

What else has been happening in my life…uhm…nothing much really…summer here like every other time here is very slow paced and extremely hot, hot, hot!!! I mean EXTREMELY hot…everyday feels like a day I should be at the beach. I like where I live there because there is a cool breeze and we have the river that runs out in front of our apartment complex…but it's not a river that you can swim though! At least, I wouldn't swim there! And I see no one else swim in there…but sometimes you can see the kids play where the water is slower and shallower…but that's not near where I live.
I had a water gun fight with a friend a week or so ago, and that was super fun and the cold water did feel good and I had fun. *laughs* Water gun fights are always fun…too bad they don't have proper water balloons here…that would have been a lot more fun! *laughs* it's more old school here with the bucket and cups and plastic bags! *laughs*

I'm doing a countdown…but I can't really tell you what day I'm at because I'm not 100% sure it it's correct…but I'm coming home soon! Yay! Oh gosh, I'm sooo looking forward to it so much. I'm really looking forward to it a lot…and I know that I can survive until then…and then home for awhile…and then I have to come back here…but I'm not gonna think of that part yet…*laughs* My mind is focused on home.

Home…I know that "home" is not what it was anymore. In my mind home is a memory and a times of the past. Not I realize that home is my family. Where ever my family is…that is where my home is…what was that saying!? "Home is where the heart is…" *laughs*…yeah, I love my family and they are what I associate home with…well, I use "family" as a really broad term…because that also includes my "close friends" *laughs* I count that as close family…but "home" is also a time and a memory for me…

Actually, it might be hard to imagine what I'mma say…but when I say home…here in the Philippines, it's the United States of America really…that's home…that big, broad place is home…because all I know is that here in the Philippines is NOT home…and when I tell people, "I want to go home." It's talking of the whole country of America…and thenCalifornia…that is home to me. And the people who make up "home" to me is there…now, if they move to some random place…I still would can California as my home! *laughs*

Well, I'm juss rambling again…as always…*laughs* and that's me…well, Imma go to the other apartment now and chill there for a bit…

"A person who truly loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else still believes in the smile on your face."

I miss you and love you muchoness!!! Yep! Yep! Yep! *laughs::smiles*

*hugs and kisses*


[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

All my bags are packed...I'm ready to go.

So today is my sister’s birthday…so I juss wanted to take the time to say "Happy Birthday" to her. So Ate Faith, I’m not sure if you ever go on your fiancĂ©e’s page and go on my page and actually read my blogs, but on the slim to no chance that you do, I juss wanna say Happy Birthday to you. And I hope you know that I love you so much. So everyone who is reading this know that today is my sister’s birthday. If you are luck to see her today, please give her a big hug and tell her happy birthday.

I remember way back when I was younger me and my brother came up with a birthday dance for my sister…and we forced her to watch, or else our feelings would be hurt! *laughs* gosh, I was such a crazy lil girl…! *laughs* and my brother was crazy enough to listen to me! Jejeje…gotta love my family…I’m so lucky to have them.

Anyways, I know that this isn’t gonna matter to many of you, but guess what!! I finally finished enrolling my summer classes! I really hope that I’m not gonna die during this summer. I’m only taking 7 units…but since summer is such a short term…the classes are EVERY DAY and I have classes that are up to FOUR HOURS! Okay…raise your hand if you know me…and keep your hand raised if you think that I can survive FOUR STRAIGHT HOURS OF ONE CLASS! Yeah, that’s what I though, no hands still in the air…*laughs* well, maybe that’s because I can’t even SEE you…jejeje…oh okay…that was stupid…but f’realz now…how am I going to survive this summer! I really hope that someone is in my class that can help me survive…yep, this is where my trusty, dusty notebook comes in handy…yep, yep, yep…you know me, I’m always with a notebook…juss so that I can at all times be occupied or else my hyperness is going to kick in and then that’s not good…! Oh and I need to get myself a buttload of coffee juss so that I can stay awake for my 7.15pm class EVERY SINGLE WEEKDAY…let me give you one guess what class that is…any volunteers?! Oh okay…I’ll juss tell you, because I know that I wouldn’t be able to guess it in one guess…maybe in 10 guesses…but not one…jejeje… it’s Organic Chemistry with BioChem…
Now this is the times where I tell you that I miss my brother. I am so proud of my "little" brother…he can SLEEP in a class like this and still manage to get an "A" and be able to tutor people…now how is that?! If only he was here so that he can tutor me…but then I know that he can’t tutor me…I’m a hopeless cause when it comes to my brother, but not in a messed up way…on that I know that my "slowness" in Chemistry (of even in math) really gets on my brother’s nerves and I know that he doesn’t have the patience to teach me…but even if he does get mad at me and frustrated with me (yeah, I know I have a hard time copying numbers…! Hence the frustration with math)…eventually he can get through my thick skull…but alas…he is not here…and so I’m on my own…unless I can find someone here to help me…because it’s gonna kill me, and I know it.

So I finished enrolling today, and that was a relief since enrolling manually is the most patient consuming activity. I’m so swear…I had to use to much patience to get through this day and the last couple of days since that was what I was working on. Sucks, because I wanted to take Ministry of Music…but I can’t because my Chem with Bio lab is in the afternoons…music…I really need music in my life…I need music and sports back into my life.

Well, that’s about it…I think imma go and write…yes, that is actually HAND WRITE a letter now…*gasps* who does that now?! *smiles* Aiight…I’m out, yo’!

*hugs and kisses*

"There’s so many times I’ve let you down, so many times I’ve played around, but I’ll tell you now, they don’t mean a thing. Every place I go, I’ll think of you; every song I sing, I’ll sing for you; when I come back, I’ll wear your wedding ring…so kiss me, and smile for me, tell me that you’ll wait for me, hold me like you you’ll never let me go…"

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Sunday, April 6, 2008

I have started so many blog thingys for my blog, but I never really finish them. And it has come to my attention that I really haven’t posted anything up in such a long time! So much has happened this last couple of weeks…and I have to admit that I have gone through so much emotion that I feel so exhausted physically and mentally and of course emotionally.

Last 25th of March I was really sad, because that date marked the date of me being here for one year. Sometimes I feel as if it wasn’t that long ago, but most times I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve been home. I know that I can’t complain…because "someone always has it worst than me"…but that’s them…and I’m me, and I miss home a lot. I know that Eddie, my cousin, misses home a lot too…my goodness…the last time he went home was two years ago! I’m hoping that he could come back with me in October, but he is saying that it’s doubtful…so I’m not holding my breath. But that would be pretty neat if he could come home with me.
Well, at the end of last month, both my roomies graduated. Jyn with a BS Psychology and Joy with a BS Digital Fine Arts. I’m so proud of them...but glad that it’s over for them. I know that they were so busy with everything during the last few months as a college student. They were both officers in a number of things…and even though I don’t want to be an officer, I helped a lot…I think that’s what I wanna do, I know that I’m being pushed to be an "official" officer…but I think that I will remain an "unofficial" officer…because I know that there are many times where those "official" officers need help from the non officers…and that’s where I come in. I don’t really care for recognition of the things I do anyways. Maybe there was a time where I did want the recognition…but not anymore. I figured already that I have a voice anyways in the things that happen…I don’t need to be an officer to have a voice…but maybe I might change my tune one day…but who knows…. "Speak even if your voice shakes."

Well, I’m in the process of moving in to my "new" apartment. I’m sorta excited to be doing that...I know that living here without my roomies next year, I’m gonna be sad. I hate coming home to a empty house…and I know that doesn’t make that much since I’ll be coming home an empty apartment anyways when I move to my "new" place…but at least it doesn’t have the memories of Jyn and Joy all over the place. I wanna get a kitten, and I found the kitten I want. They have kitties all over this place…but then the kitty that I want already has an owner…*laughs* I want a pure black cat and a gray/stripped kitty. I was planning on bring Miles back…but then if Eddie is gonna move in with me, he’s allergic with cats. He got along with Miles because you can’t help but love Miles *smile* but I won’t put him through allergies when he come "home." So no kitties for me. I guess imma have to stick with my fish. Which I really don’t mind.

Well, I’m glad that my "new" place is a lot bigger than this place…but when I say "a lot bigger" it’s really not that much bigger…but it’s going to be a relief to go in my room and actually have room to walk around…and the biggest space in my room is not going to be my bed. I wanna get carpet…well, maybe not a full carpet, but I wouldn’t mind a rug or some sort…I miss fuzzy carpets. I remember I use to lay on the floor to do my homework…or juss to take a nap I would juss lay in any random place in the house with carpet with my cat, on my stomach and fall asleep. *laughs* I can understand now why that would be annoying to my parents. Goodness, what they had to "deal" with when I was in the house! *laughs* Well see. The living room is slightly bigger than this apartment (I’m sitting here in the living room of this "old" apartment)…and the bathroom is a lot bigger. Oh, and the closet is a LOT bigger over there too, so that’s good. *laughs* And we actually have TWO window’s instead of only one! *laughs*
Here’s the word for today "nostalgia"…it means "a mixed feeling of happiness, sadness, and longing when recalling a person, place, or event from the past, or the past in general or a longing for home or family when away from either." I had to make a scrapbook for class and when I went to get some scrapbook material, there was a set of stickers with that word…and I liked that word. *laughs*…random, I know.

So much has been happening that I really don’t even know where to begin to share it all with you. I know that I won’t ever be able to even if I tried…so I’m juss gonna talk randomly about random things.

So, me and Eddie were on his motorbike to Paseo…and if we yell, we can actually hear each other talk…and we talk a lot when we’re on his bike…well, I know that I talk a lot…but we have some pretty good conversations. The other day we were talking about how we want something to happen in our lives that we can say in the future, guess what happened to me….sort of story…I know that being here in this country far away from home many things happen to us…but we’re both adventurous, and quite frankly, things here aren’t really all that exciting…it’s sorta predictable the life here…and that’s boring. I mean, it’s good to be able to predict things so that you can be prepared and such…however, some times you juss want something to happen out of the ordinary in life so that you can "recharge" your self again. I don’t know if that made any sense. I mean, we already had our "near death" experience, and we don’t want that to go through anything like that again, but I think I juss miss the adrenaline of life. We’re both scared that we’re gonna go home so far behind times, and that people will think we’re boring and stuff. I don’t know what I’m saying…I’m juss saying that yeah, life here is SO much different than at home and sometimes living in a "slower paced" life gets sorta boring. And going to school every day and studying is not always fun…I don’t think that it’s ever fun, but it’s a necessity in life. I’m not complaining, I’m glad for the opportunity to go to school…but waking up each day juss to go to school is not very fun. I remember the first year that I was here that I got to the point of not caring anymore. I mean, we all had to wear uniform, the rules are so strict here. Minimal- no make up, you can’t dye your hair or have certain hair styles, no jewelry and I hate wearing closed-tied black dress shoes to school! Oh and no painting of the fingernails. It was like they were trying to take your identity away from you…the teachers even criticized the way I prayed, for crying out loud! And so I didn’t care anymore…I literally juss rolled out of bed, washed my face, brushed my teeth, put on my uniform and trudged to class. I didn’t even bother to smile or make small talk or anything, it was like I was a zombie and I didn’t want to "live" life…but juss go through life juss "surviving." I swear if any of you (from home) saw me here that first year, you wouldn’t think I was the same person. I wasn’t depressed, I juss didn’t have an identity so I didn’t care. Plus I was always judged unfairly for being a foreigner (especially an American)…so I juss kept my mouth shut and didn’t talk much, didn’t smile, juss dragged myself through life.

But I had a friend here who knew me in the beginning when I first came here, and she told me that I had to start caring for life again…and yeah, we weren’t allowed to wear make-up…something I have fun putting on. *laughs*…well, we weren’t allowed to wear a lot/loud make up…so she got me to wake up in the morning and care with how I looked. Everyone knows I love lip gloss of any kind, and there was nothing wrong with eye-liner and mascara does wonders to open your eyes…so I started applying make up again and caring for life…saying hi to random people, smiling more…because she told me that the days were only going slow because I made them slow…I can make them faster by caring…I knew what she was saying…because for awhile I was doing juss that…but then yeah. So, I actually let my hair down since it looks naturally rebounded or straightened and shined…I started wearing dressy, closed-toed shoes that were actually in style…and I got rid of the ugly unformed skirt and actually got something that was close enough to the original skirt…but more "figure" showing and "cute."…now life doesn’t past as fast…but each day is a struggle to keep on caring…because the second I let down my guard, then I’mma get homesick for the "fun" life again. But I believe that "fun" can be wherever you are, whenever you want. Happiness is all in the mind, and it’s you who chooses to be happy. But I do wish that something exciting and random can happen about right now…me and Eddie wish that can happen.

Well, I need to continue packing my stuff now, and so yeah, laterz, my friends, I miss you all SO much!
*hugs and kisses*

People from home, not knowing what this means…which would your choose…sun or globe?

[Transferred from my myspace blog]