"Thank you for this moment. I've gotta say how beautiful you are. Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for, here you are. If I could have dance forever, I would take you by the hand. Tonight it's you and I together, I'm so glad I'm your man. And if I lived a thousand years, you know, I'd never could explain, the way I lost my heart to you that day. But if destiny decided I should look the other way, then the world would never know the greatest story every told, and did I tell you I love you tonight? I don't hear the music when I'm looking in your eyes. But I feel the rhythm of you body close to mine. It's the way we touch it sends me, it's the way we'll always be. Your kiss, your pretty smile you know I'd die for, oh baby, you're all I need. And if I lived a thousand year, you know I'd never could explain, the way I lost my heart to you that day. But if destiny decided I should look the other way, then the world would never know the greatest story ever told, and did I tell you I love you, just how much I really need you, did I tell you that I love you tonight? And if I lived a thousand years, you know, I'd never could explain, the way I lost my heart to you that day, but if destiny decided I should look the other way, then the world would never know the greatest story ever told, and did I tell you that I love, jus now much I really need you, did I tell that I love you tonight?"
Now, how romantic would it be if some guy dedicated that song to me…and REALLY meant it…I don't want that song to be dedicated to me unless he REALLY meant it, and not only to be "romantic." *laughs* but what am I saying…I don't even want a boyfriend or something, but I still think that it would be super romantic and sweet. *laughs*
You know what really annoys me? Is that sometimes I know that I'm super nice, and it's hard for me to be mean to someone. Like if someone needs me to be there, to help them, and stuff…I always try to be there, I go out of my way to be there, even though at that moment, I can't…and then I'll even not do my homework in order to "be there" for them…and then I have to stay up late (sometimes not even going to sleep, knowing that I have a full day the next time)… But when I need someone to be there, no one is there…they give me all this fake bull shit promises and then they don't come true…they'll say, "yeah, I'll be there, Che…" and then they will text me the last moment and say, something came up, I can't make it, and so I'm left hanging, and then I get so mad and then I say in my mind that the next time they need…WANT me to be there for them, I'm not going too…but then when the time comes and they need me, I juss can't turn away…I really hate that about myself…being to sympathetic…because I know how it feels like when you need someone and no one is there, so I try to be there, even if they stood me up…because I know how it feels like to have that feeling inside that you juss can't really explain and you juss fucking need someone there! I'm sick and tired of being there for people, and no one (at least here) is there for me…it burns you out…I'm starting to keep things inside again, and I know that that is bad, because it leads to bad habits that aren't good to have…but what the hell, I'm not the type of person who tries to impose my problems on people…so what am I doing right now complaining about it anyways…nothing can come of it…oh well, life keeps moving and the world keeps turning and I'm one second older than juss a second ago. *laughs*
Well, I got to talk to my mom AND my sister the other day! That was really cool…my sister needed to confirm her wedding date to make sure that I can come home for it…and other stuff…and my mom was calling to talk about my sister and her coming up wedding…it sounds really stressed out there at home…but a good kind of stressed out and stuff…Gosh, I miss home a lot, and I still tear up when I think about it…when I get a phone call from home, even a simple e-mail will get me all teary eyed and stuff…but not all "come to my people and comfort me!" type of thing…where I want attention, I'm actually frustrated by my tears when it does come because why am I still crying because I miss home?! I should be over that already! It's always good to talk to my family. Always…
So it was Sarah's birthday 2 days ago, and things like that make me sad too…knowing that I'm missing out on special dates…but I'm sure that she had a good birthday…my wish for her…well…yeah…ONE of my wishes for her. *laughs*
Well, the days here are long still…and they sorta run together…I get tired really easily because I study till really late and wake up early to finish studying and stuff…I'm really looking forward to going home next October…! For my sister's wedding…really really really looking forward to that. It's one of the very few things that keep me going these days…I'm so excited for it…I know that it's going to be a beautiful, fun day! I might be home the night before the wedding day, but I told my sister that the adrenaline rush that the wedding brings will keep me awake. Oh, and a lot of coffee! *laughs* Maybe I'll be home also for my brother's and dad's birthday and my parents wedding anniversary…so that's good. *laughs* Gosh…I so can't wait…!
Well, me and Eddie are supporting each other in going to church every Saturday…tomorrow would be the third time in a row that we're gonna go to church, with nothing special going on. I know that that might not seem like a big deal to some of you, but it's a big deal to us…we haven't been going to church here, because it doesn't mean anything to us anymore…and I think those of you (in general) who go to church to socialize and to dress up all nice and all those other stuff, is juss as bad as not going…but me and Eddie feel like we are missing something in our life, and so we are trying to go to church every Saturday again. And really try to be there for church…at first I wanted to go to church at least once a month…which in itself a big struggle in itself…but Eddie wanted to go EVERY Saturday, and so with each of us supporting each other, it's easier…I never thought that it would come to this…but I really am trying to get back on track and stuff…so that is a good thing, so everyone pray for us…because we are struggling, and we are only on our third week! *laughs* not even…YET…tomorrow would be the third week. *smiles*
Well, Eddie's parents are coming tomorrow. So it's good to see family. Gosh, I really miss family.
Well, I better be on my way now…juss wanted to write a quick blog and stuff! Miss you all so much (Joe!!) and I love you….
Right now I am sitting on the floor of my room typing on my laptop this next blog that I'm going to post up on myspace…and I'm listening to Linkin Park's newest album Minutes To Midnight and I'm listening to my favorite song on it, Leave Out All The Rest, it's one of the main songs that I want to play at my funeral. So yeah, remember that everyone, okay…when I die, I want this song to play at my funeral, my roomie Joy already knows to play it…*laughs* we have lists of songs that we want to play for different occasions in our life. Like we already have our wedding playlist and our funeral playlist and so on…actually only those two lists. *laughs*
Well, school has already been happening for less than a month, and I have never been so busy in a long time! And this is school-wise busy…not socially busy…only school-wise busy..! My schedule is so tiring as well, I always come home and sleep for like 2 hours and then wake up and do my homework. Can you imagine that?! I actually sit down and do my homework without procrastinating it! Wow, I have improved for the better! *laughs* maybe it's because it's something that I want to do, rather something that I was pushed into doing.
I do believe in a healthy balance of school work, social life and "my" time for myself…but then so far it has only been school work. Since I fought to do what I want to do, I want to prove to those who don't think that I can do it that I can actually do it. I thought that I would have less pressure because I don't have to be doing my hardest because I needed to "please" someone, but now I have even more pressure because I need to prove to those same people that I can do it, even if I feel like they aren't supporting me. I know that they are supporting me, but sometimes I feel like I'm alone here.
I wish that I can say that things have finally settled down in life, but I guess I can't say that. School work makes my life jump around and makes me feel as if I have so much to do, and 24 hours isn't enough to do it all. I have classes from 7:am-7:pm on Mondays and Wednesdays, and on Tuesday's I have only one class from 9:am-10:30am…but then the rest of the day I am doing the homework that is due the next day…and in-between all that I'm trying to stay in contact with my friends, but I'm finding it that it's getting harder and harder because using the "Oh sorry! I can't right now because I'm doing my homework" is starting to sound like an excuse to not want to hang out and I don't wanna lose my friends here, because they help me when I feel like I can't go on. So I guess I can't really win.
Oh and another disturbing thing that has come to my attention…well, let me throw it out to you first…which is worst, a fake person-someone trying to hard to be "popular" or a snob-someone who is "above it all"? When I first got here, I was really friendly, myself, and juss yeah, that friendly…then I would get people saying that I was a fake because I'm "unnaturally friendly?!" What is that?! I don't wanna say sorry for being a friendly person, so I'm not going to, but what is so wrong with being friendly, what is wrong with smiling at someone even if you don't know them, what is wrong with introducing yourself to your classmates when no one else is going to? Nothing, at least that is what I think, but I guess it comes off as being trying-to-hard, fake person. Gosh, why didn't they teach you this is preschool? How to be friendly, but not to friendly so that you won't be called fake…because that cuts deep. So, I am a lot more withdrawn...oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still that very hyper active person, that likes to make a difference in someone's life-positively!, and that chicka that "never" has a problem in her life, but that is only to people who I already know…I don't do as much random stuff any longer, like introduce myself to people randomly, or say hi randomly or smile randomly…so now what am I? A snob because of it. Yep…I can never really win. Oh well…
I know that I can't really complain about my situation, I chose it for myself. I could have been home right now. I believe in free-will…but sometimes I wonder…what the hell am I doing. What am I doing? *laughs* I juss said that I wouldn't complain, so what am I doing now?! Whoops…my bad. *laughs*
Well, it's been raining a lot lately…in the morning, it would start out all nice and warm and perfect weather, and then by 4 in the afternoon it gets all rainy…and I'm always stuck out in the rain…but you know what? Even though I hate it when my hair is wet…it's actually very relaxing walking in the rain. For some reason, people here think that they are going to melt if they are gonna get wet…so even if it's juss sprinkling, they are running for cover, but it's different here. At home, when it rains, it's FREEZING cold and it's hard to breath because you are shivering and shaking. Over here, it's always warm weather, I think that it's possible to go all year long without every wearing a jacket…but I know that I wear a sweater because that's the thing about it…even when it's raining, it's not that cold, but then if you go around not wearing something "warm" and you get wet from the rain, you are going to get sick…but yeah…it's a different feeling walking in the rain with no need of a jacket. Because it rains even harder than it does at home…but the difference is, you really don't feel that cold. Oh, don't get me wrong though, it's miserable to walk in since we have to wear certain shoes to class, and that is uncomfortable…but in all seriousness…it's all good.
Hm…what can I say, not much since all is juss busy with school work and stuff…oh, my mom called me the other day, and that made me cry…because I know that I have disappointed her with my change of major's and it was really really good to hear her voice again and have a conversation with her that didn't end up with one of us angry and the other crying. My sister is now planning out her wedding plans. That's really awesome…and I'm so happy for her. My regret? I can't help her plan it…I do wanna be a wedding counselor, at least get my certificate, I think that it would be fun…but in all honesty, I doubt that she would want my help at all much…maybe on the little things, but yeah, I totally understand though, I think that she has talent to be a wedding counselor if ever she wanted to be one…she is really good with the things that concerns weddings and stuff…and she prolly doesn't even know it. But my goodness…I'm super happy for her and her fiancée.
She told me that she got a dog with Kuya Neal, and her name is Ginger, I don't even know what kind of puppy it is…all I know is that they got a dog…she said that she would send me pictures…but I haven't gotten any yet…so that really sucks…oh well, I'll get to see her when I come home for her wedding. *laughs* that is funny to say, her "wedding"…my sister is getting married…it's a pretty cool thought.
I wanna get a puppy, and my friend said that her dog is gonna have puppies, and I could have one if I wanted…and it's gonna be ½ Lab ½ Pit Bull…and I really want one, but I don't live alone and so I have to respect my roomies wants as well, and they don't want one. So wishing isn't gonna help here. Plus, I can't even have Miles (my cat) what makes me think that I can have a dog. I do have my fish though. Five of them…two blue gourami's – Donatello and Trissana, two bala sharks – Johnny Bravo and Leonardo, and one angelfish—Rafael. (And before you ask, yes, I did have a "Michelangelo" but Donatello killed him. *sob*) My roomies also have a fish, they have a beta fish named Shia. I'm saving up for a bigger fish tank for my fish. I call them my "cherubs" *laughs*. But I sure do miss my Baili Dru (my pit bull at home) and Precious (my cat)….they are in good hands though, I know that…they BETTER be! *laughs*
Oh yeah, before I forget, I promised Eddie that I would say something about this, there is this new site that is the first Filipino internet network thingy thing thing…I'm not really sure what it's the first Filipino thingy, but it's one of the first Filipino thing. *laughs* anways you should visit it, it's www.projectube.com …anyways…it's supposedly really big…and guess who they are endorsing?!?! The Adobo Boys!!! Yeah, that would be Eddie's movie-making group! You know Eddie's "Ghost at Finister" movie, yeah, it was front page and Eddie's face is RIGHT THERE! And I guess they got a lot of positive feedback and so they have asked Eddie to make more Video's for them…oh, they are giving Eddie the credit though, and so yeah…go check out that site and support it okay?! Yeah, that would be cool…*smiles*
Anyways…have any of you people watch the TV series called Monk, oh my goodness! You SO need too! It will make you frustratedly, madly, laugh so hard that you will be referring to it for a long time! My goodness, it's everything not to tell my roomies and Eddie what is going on, because between my busy-ness life, I watch one episode of Monk to make me laugh and see the happier side of life, because that show is so funny! I am liking Hero's too…but seriously everyone, watch Monk…it's setting is also in Frisco…so it's pretty cool…*laughs*
Well, I better go now, it's almost lunchtime, and I need to start cooking for lunch. I haven't eaten for more than a day now because I didn't have a chance to eat yesterday since I was too busy to stop and eat, and when I came home I was so tired with a huge headache that I juss knocked out on my bed…so Imma cook because my stomach is hella growling and eating itself now…I think I'll also make yemma today. *smiles*
I miss you all so much, and I love you muchoness!!! ::hugs and kisses::
So I went to my first day of class today at 9:am in the morning, and as early as that sounds, it's actually not bad. I have a class that starts at 7:30am on Thursday, so I would like to count myself lucky that I don't have that everyday…because I know that last semester I had class that starts at 7:30am and 8:am…and THAT was too early, and I was tired all the time…my class today was Historical and Philosophical Theories of Psychology…it's not all that exciting…so I'm hoping that it will start being okay…but it's not that bad…that teacher is funny nice, and I like my classmates. I know some of them, and I thought that I wouldn't know anyone too! But I did end up know a few of my classmates already…so that is good.
And that was my only class on Monday and Wednesday…but before you say that I'm lucky that I only have one class on Monday and Wednesday…remember that I still have Tuesday and Thursday and those two classes are so packed that I don't know how I'm going to handle all those classes…but we will see if I will survive tomorrow and stuff…! Wish me luck…
Well, my friend Jo came over today, and my heart hurts so badly for her at this moment. Everyone knows how much I hate saying good-bye…and she had to say good-bye to her boyfriend yesterday…and that has be something really hard to do…I should know. He had come over from London to visit her and he had to leave her yesterday…We did end up going clubbing on Saturday…I was kinda iffy about going because like I said, I would have wanted to spend time with my guy with me and me alone for the last few days alone…but she really wanted to go…and so me, Jyn, Joy and Eddie went to go clubbing with them two. We wanted the "other girls" to come, but our friend ended up in the hospital because of…..yeah….and so they went to stay with her…but it's all good. I still had a lot of fun.
Me and Joy were hella dancing it up…Eddie was really tired because he had duty for two 12-hour shift days…and he barely had any time to go to sleep, and so yeah…we didn't really want any guys to come up to us and dance with us, because it was funny when guys came up to dance with me and Joy, we would not really dance…and there was this time where we had hella guys juss watching us…and we were juss dancing with each other…and we were laughing…because it was the times where it was my song and Joy's song's were playing…I'm really liking the song, Cyclone by Baby Bash right now…and Joy likes Bartender….and so yeah…but it was fun…sometimes it's juss fun to go dancing with your friends and laugh because your having fun…and stuff like that…
But it was still sad because the next day (Sunday) AJ had to leave….that would be Jo's boyfriend…and yeah, we had crashed their condo in Manila…and so we wanted to leave right away because we wanted to give them their time alone together before he left…I can only imagine that must have been really hard to do…to say bye. Maybe that's why even though I really want to go back home…I don't wanna because I always have a hard time saying bye…I hate goodbye's so much. I had fun with AJ and Jo while he was here…and I'll remember it, so I'll miss him…but he said that he'll back next year, and Jo is still here, and she is always fun to hang out with.
Well, the thing that is really annoying me right now is some animal is leaving their shit in front of our apartment door! And it pisses me off because I think that it's my neighbor's dog! And it pisses me off to no bounds because they had me get rid of my pet because yeah…they said that he was shitting all over the place…when I know that wasn't true because Miles use to sleep with me at night, and the shit would appear during the night…so it wasn't Miles…and now their pet is shitting at our place! And they aren't cleaning it up…and it's GROSS!!! I mean, more than gross…it's REALLY gross…and then when I came back from class that was a fuckin' DEAD rat…and unless my roomies decided to get up and shit and kill rats in front of our apartment then it sure wasn't our house who did that stuff…and it's our neighbor's because they have FOUR cats and TWO dogs…and they said I had to get rid of Miles…I'm so mad at them right now! They better clean up their shit! Literally! Well, Eddie got rid of the rat awhile ago…I'm so thankful to him…but the shit is still there…
Well…hm…I'm suppose to go to Paseo as soon as my roomie gets back from enrolling…yeah, both my roomies aren't done enrolling yet! And school actually started LAST week…I was late in enrolling too, but I'm done now…so I hope that they are going good with getting their classes. They were texting me awhile ago…you know that is what I love about my roomies…every so often, I'll get a text from them asking how I'm doing. Even though we are roomies, they still text me at random times in the day to ask how I'm doing. I so love my roomies a lot.
One day, I want all my friends at home to meet all the friends that I have here in the Philippines…I think that you two will all get a long really good. My roomies especially. Joy is a little more on the quiet side…but she is a lot of fun too! I go out with her a lot…and she makes me laugh…Jyn too, she is an awesome friend, roomie and girlfriend of my cousin (yep, that would be Eddie!) She is so thoughtful…I juss know that everyone back at home will like her…them. Both of them…even their brother is pretty awesome as well.
Well, I'm juss blabbering right now, and so I guess I should be on my way and go…but juss letting you know (all of you!) that I miss you all a lot! ::hugz::