Sunday, April 23, 2006

I love you Ate Faith

So here i am at my sisters house, but then it's already time for me to leave, and i already have taken my pictures of my sister house. i am going to miss my sister more than anything, and i really am going to miss her. I hope that she knows that. Believe it or not, i feel like crying, i'm such an emotional person, i know...but right now it's hitting me, i won't see my sister for a long time. I don't know if i'll see her again after this in a long time, i think she is gonna be coming home...but i couldn't change my flights going to the philippines. but i pray and hope that my sister knows that she is one of the few that ill miss the most. I hate good-byes...

I love you my Ate Faith.



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Friday, April 21, 2006

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!


I should be getting ready for work...but then i still have 45 minutes...and i already fixed my hair, put my make up on...i juss gotta figure out what to wear...which i don't really have a problem since we have to wear a "smock" anyways...but WOW oh WOW...i do love kids...i have to work at the community center today with the 18 months to 3 year olds... and they are SO much funnesss!!! jejeje

but ANYWAYS...i'm so excited! i finally got my ticket...but then my sister called me EARLY this morning to tell me that i should CHANGE IT...what do you think? my flight is on the 26th of May at ONE IN THE FREAKING MORNING!!!! thats' okay, i'll prolly be TOO excited to go to sleep! damn, and i act like i've never been to the philippines before...but then, i really do want my sister to make it home kasi i won't be seeing her for awhile. So i'll see what i can do about that.

I'll also be leaving TODAY to go see my sister. I'm so bummed that it's such a short notice that i'll be going to my sister's house, i'm so excited for her...she has her OWN house...that is a weird thought...i dont' know why, it juss is. I wanted to get an earlier flight, but it turns out it'll be at 8:35pm, but that's cool...night has life as well...jejeje...southern CA here i come!!! i so can't wait!

I really REALLY can't wait to be going to the philippines though! i miss my friends there SO much...but to tell you the truth...im kinda surprised that i'll even be going! it's SO last minute...and it sorta reminds me of the last time i went...i'll be going STRAIGHT to the airport, if i keep my ticket, right after my last final. Since my class ends at 9:45pm takes about 15 minutes to get home, and we have to be in the airport a few hours ahead of time...so HOPEFULLY it will only take an hour to get to frisco...i dont' think there will be that much traffice really.

I'm trying to remember the things that i should be taking with me. Last time i took to much stuff that i didn't really need. This time i have some thought of the stuff that i should be taking with me. but do any of YOU have any help with me here?! what things do i need to bring with me to the philippines?! other than the usual...clothes. Jejeje...and of course PICTURES! not that i'll forget any of you...but i do get homesick when i'm away from home. and it would be nice to "see" my friends and family still...so don't shy away when you see me comeing with my camera! :)

Oh! Before i forget...GUESS WHO'S BIRTHDAY IT IS!!! Yep...it's my kuya Stephen's birthday!!!! i wish that i could see him for his birthday...it seems as if we are always away from each other when his birthday comes around...jejeje...like mine...i think last year was the first time in a couple years that i was home for my birthday...this year and the next couple years i'll be gone for my birthday...that's a depressing thought! oh well...but HAPPY BIRTHDAY kuya!!! jejeje...

well, i really should be going now, and try to figure out what i should wear...damn...and i juss cleaned my room...it's gonna be a mess again..oh well...well, i love you all my friends! *muah*

There are no good-byes, where ever we are, you'll always be in my heart
Author: Anonymous

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Monday, April 17, 2006

Fun Fun Fun weekend!!


I had an awesome weekend juss chiling with friends that i haven't chilled with in such a long time! i didn't take as many pictures as i wanted...but if anyone was with me this last weekend and wants the pictures, ask...i have short term memory at times and i don't remember who wants the pictures that i took...be warned though, i didn't take as much as i would have liked too...
Lets see...bowling is ALWAYS a fun thing to do, especially if you do it with your friends. i broke 3 nails, but i don't really care...it was a lot of fun..even though i sucked a LOT!!!! and you should have seem my friend...he got FOUR strikes in a row!!! now that is cool...!!! i'm a terrible bowler, but i love to have fun and laugh and scream! so that was fun...i truely did have a lot of fun...when did they start the rule of no flash pictures?! what's wrong with flash pictures?! that sucks...now i don't have ANY pictures of us bowling...sucks, sucks, sucks...oh well...and life goes on...

then the rest of the night and practically the rest of the whole weekend i stayed at my cousin's house...which was pretty cool since i hadn't seen him in a while. it was funny kasi there was a lot of guys and only 3 girls, but then the guys where trying to make an And1 mix tour video for my cousin's girlfriend i think it was, it was fun watching them do that. i had to watch my little niece, i can't call her my "baby" niece anymore...she is such a big girl, and i love her with all my heart and more! damn, i'm gonna miss that wonderful girl SO much when i leave...but then, hopefully she won't forget me.

we watched movies galore...i watched "hide and seek" and it wasn't as scarey as i thought that it would have been. okay, i like scary movies...but something about i don't like that dark doesn't really quick work all that well together...so i don't like watching scary movies when it's night time...i hate the dark...and night time is so scary to me...but then "hide and seek" wasn't really scary...it was more like uhm...mental scariness. it's the supernatural ghost and demon kind of movies that get to me. i can watch them, but not when it's dark...but we didn't sleep, at least i didn't sleep until well after 6:30am...it was good to hang out with friends...

We also went out to eat for another one of my cousin's birthday. he's turning 17 i think it is...my goodness...to be 17 again would be AWESOME!!!! but i like to be older as well...they both have it's good and bad.

i didn't get home until 10:30pm yesterday night and i didn't sleep until 2:am...i wasn't suppose to be at work until 11:45am...but then my boss called me to "remind" me that i was working today at 8:30am!!! TODAY!? was that suppose to be today?! i could have sworn it was suppose to be NEXT monday...at least that is what it says on my calender...oh well, miss communication...thas okay. i got to work juss 5 minutes late...but it was okay...class didn't start until 9:am...and i was there at 8:35am...so i was okay...and then i also worked this afternoon...and now i have class in 3 hours and i'm so tired, but then i have to write a report, but then i'm writing this blog instead! ahhh...oh okay...

oh! i forgot to say that we had handbells this saturday! it was AWESOME!!!! i was sooo nervous about it...i didn't know if i'll start them on time...or if i was conducting too fast...but then we did really well, and i am SO proud of EVERYONE!!! so that is cool...

next week is gonna be juss as fun, kasi i get to go down south to Loma Linda to visit my sister...i can't wait! i miss her a lot!!!
yep! yep! yep!

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

my "goodbyes" aren't forever.


Choices are so hard to make when you don't really know the outcome, diba?! it's so hard, so i chose this choice, or that one? what will happen if i chose this choice instead. I guess that is where you juss gotta suck it up and do something about it right?! i mean, if you don't do anything at all, then that still is a choice, right. i mean i think it is. but i think that this is something that i can't juss sit back and juss let whatever happen now. i want to do something about it. and i am going to.

I juss want to apologize first to everyone because i think i was going to do that wrong thing and juss disappear. But then when i thought about it and thought that if any of my friends juss up and left and disappeared, then i'd be SO sad.

I know a lot of you all know that i hate goodbyes, and that is that reason why i juss wanted to leave without saying goodbye. but then i would be so devestated if something happened and i didn't get to say goodbye...and all that good stuff...so i'm still not saying good-bye, more of a see you later, okay.

I'm prolly juss making a big deal about nothing anyways...and you all are prolly juss gonna think that..jejeje...at least i hope not, but oh well, i'm not a mind reader so i'll never know.

but i'll be leaving next month, i'll be back someday. but i love you all, and know that i'll ALWAYS be thinking of you all. but hey...i'm still here for a month...lets make some memories, okay?! i wanna...take a lot of pictures, have a lotta laughs, make a million memories, and HAVE A LOT OF FUN!

and don't worry...you know me, i will always keep in touch...and you know it. you write me, i'll write you...and hey...i'll even call...or text...jejeje...but i juss wanted all of you to know. but dont' worry, i'll also tell you face to face if i see you. i LOVE you!!! :)
oh, and i swear on everything that i love that i didn't know myself that i was going to be gone for long, actually, i've only known for less than a week, to be exact last thursday was when i made my decision. yep yep yep! and i am SO excited!!!

and you know me, my goodbyes are NEVER forever...

Monday, April 10, 2006

choices, decisions, consequences...


You know, i remember way back in 5th grade, my teacher made the class memorize a poem by Robert Frost called The Road Not Taken. And right now, i'm thinking about that poem. It starts out something like how there is a road and it goes two ways, and the person can't go down both. THe person ends up taken the road that is used less. But what if that road wasn't the one that he was suppose to go down, what if it was suppose to be the other one. How are you suppose to know?!

Okay, now make to my life. I'm standing on this road. And i come to my split in the road, and i don't know which way to go! I've prayed about it, i've thought about it, and i've lost sleep thinking about it, and STILL I DON'T KNOW WHICH ROAD TO TAKE? how are we suppose to know?

I was talking to my co-worker about it and you know she said something to the point of this is where you take that blind leap of faith. You don't know what is going to happen if you take the other choice, but if it's this choice that you are going to take, and you hear what you think is nothing from God, then you close your eyes and take a step forward.

She said that "nothing" could be what God is telling you. He's not stopping you, so take that step, and when things start to crash down around you, then maybe your not doing something right. But i'm confused. What if it IS the right thing, and things are still crashing all aournd you. And it's juss satan's way of trying to get you to go the other way.
                                                OR
You take that leap of faith and nothing happens still...because God sees that what you did is working for you so he is protecting you and still saying "nothing" so you continue taking those small steps forward. It's all so confusing!?! but then that is where the faith comes in. I have to have faith in God that no matter what choices i chose, he will be there to carry me through the hardship, catch me when i fall and hold my hand when i lose my step.

I think it's scary. your going on with your life, everything seems okay and fun and fine, your going forward, your eyes are set on your goals and dreams and everything is going as planned. Then you stop. You turn around and now see all that you've been through, all the expereiences that taught you lessons, the friends that left, the friends that stayed, close ones who are now gone, and you realize that your life is different then it was a few days ago, a few months ago, and few years ago.

The cool and fun thing that you can see is where your choices and decisions have brought you to where you are now. I can sit here and play the "what if..." game, but i would be here for hours, and i know that i don't really wanna do that, but i do wonder what would have happened if "what if...i did that instead of that?" i know i wouldn't be where i am today.

i would like to say that i have no regrets, i'm can ALMOST say that i have no regrets. i only have one. but even from that one regret, i learned a valuable lessons, so it's all good. but as i said, all those choices that i took in my past brings me to where i am right now, making another decision. a BIG decision. and i am kinda scared to take that HUGE leap, but i am going too. and it's not a small one-foot step, it's more like a two-feet LONG JUMP! and i'm hopeing that even if no one is there to catch me when i land, i'm hopeing it's the right thing. i think that the most scary thing is, if it IS the wrong thing, it's like a no-turning-back type of thing. I can't backtrack to the beginning of the road and chose the other road. i wish i can, but i have to remain positive. I firmly belive that this is the right road for me to take.
So as i start to "jump" blindly into what i'm doing, i hope all of you who have known me and call me friend know that i love you, that no matter what i chose i will miss you, jejeje...that's the thing about me, i miss everyone when i can not physically see them. like my brother is downstairs, i miss him. :)...but i hope that all of you know that. I miss and love you all.

And if i ever hurt anyone or had some misunderstanding between us, know that you are still in my thoughts, and i haven't forgotten you and that I AM SORRY.

I hope that you all understand.

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Wednesday, April 5, 2006

la-dee-da...!


There is absolutely NO reason why I am writing in this blog at this moment in time. No reason. Well, I take that back, there is a reason. I feel like it. And YES, that is a good reason. A few things are running in my mind right now, like i miss my sister so much that my heart is hurting...you know that it's her birthday on the ninth of this month?! juss letting everyone know that...

life is short. life is too short to do what you want, much less what others want from you. I hate it. i juss had a conversation with someone, whom i love with all my heart...but i dont' understand him OR her. i really dont. people are people, right? you are your own self...so why to they assume they can MAKE people who they are. it's NOT fair. they get their own life, and we want our own life. . i dont' wanna live a life that someone wants me to life. my sister doesn't wanna live a life that someone wants her to be. do you get what i'm saying?! we are our own self! we get to make our own choices. we get to chose where we wanna go in life. so why does that disappoint other people? why can't people juss love me for who i am, i'm sorry that i can't be what everyone wants me to be. maybe one day they will know that if i'm gone they will miss me...the me who i am. not the me who they are making me to be. but me. that doesn't make any sense does it. oh well...juss frustrated. veryness. i love my sister.

i can't wait for my school spring break! it's next week! oOoO...do i need it or what?! i'm kinda bummed out that it's different from my work spring break which i had last week...but that's okay...at least i still have spring break, there's places that don't have spring break, like that philippines. they have summer break. their seasons are SO different there. they have not autumn or spring or even summer or winter in that case! they have the wet season and the dry season! that's weird. but not really weird.

you know in class, my teacher said this quote, "normal is only a setting on the washing machine." and i think that's true. What is the real meaning of normal? to every persoon it's different. you know what?! there is so many words that are like that. like Love....you can ask to different people and you will get two differen response. normal is weird, and weird is normal...that is my definition, but then again...you can't really use a word to describe a word, diba? oh well...it's hard!

well...imma go now.

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