Monday, January 31, 2011

Kahana Bay Valley.

January 15, 2011 I went with a couple of my friends hiking out at Kahana Bay Valley. It was so muddy. With so many mosquitos. The trail disappeared more than once. They were going pig hunting in the area. There were two rivers to cross...not the small narrow ones...but the medium paced at least 100 feet across kind of rivers. And a very scary bridge to cross. All-in-all, it was a lot of fun!! [Minus one of my brother getting a staph infection on his leg, one of my friend falling from a tree, and all the mosquito bits!]

 Jeremy and Kaleo 

 Here's me!! Coming through the "lost" trail!!

 The beautiful Hawaiian Mountains 

 Kahana Valley

 Another shoot of me in the overgrown trail!! And Kaleo right behind me!

Jeremy, Kaleo, and Tracy

The end of January.

So it's the last day of January, one and a half hours before midnight and I just want to recap everything that has happened this month that was worth remembering, at least to me.
Lets see, I got a new job. As a teacher's aid three minute walking distance from where I live. That was pretty amazing! I mean, I went in on Thursday for an interview, came back Friday for the second interview and then I started work on Monday. It was so fast! So fast that I didn't even have time to figure out what I was going to do with the whole wedding/event designing business that I was getting into.
Turns out that I didn't really have to do anything. I still work for Passion Roots, and I will continue to work for Passion Roots. But not as much as I did before. My boss for this job was encouraging me to find a preschool job anyways because she knew that I do have a passion for children and she wanted me to go for it, even if that meant that I wouldn't be helping her as much...which is totally fine with her, because she was the one who helped me start my own business of craft and floral work called imagineLOVE [yes, that is where I got the name of this blog!]. So on weekends and afterwork, I work as a craft/florist & designer for Passion Roots and during the days I work as a preschool teacher.

What more can I ask for?! I am blessed to be working in two fields that I love, child development and weddings/events.
I started to get into swimming more. Sundays, I have a "class" that I go to...and "class" is in quotation marks because it's not a real class. It's more like my friend who is a triath-a-lon-ist thingy said that he would teach me the proper way to swim. So I have been meeting with him and some other people at Lanikai Beach and learning the "proper" way to swim. It's more complicated then I thought! I think I can float on my back for hours though. But I wouldn't coz I would probably doze off and drift away in the ocean!!! I wouldn't want that to happen!

I also started writing down what I eat. And the calories. What a pain that is! The guy who is helping me learn the proper way to swim is helping me in this area as well. I need to start losing weight, not that I'm overweight, but I think I can do better with my eating habits. But what a pain to count every single calorie! It's way too much! But I know that in the end it will be worth it.

I took a first aid/ CPR class and I am certified to save a life if need be! I hope it doesn't come to that! I would in a heartbeat though, but I just hope that everyone stays safe and that there would be no saving of anyone! *laughs*

I started going to church more. I even bought a devotional book for myself and that has NEVER happened before! It's a first for me! But I realized that if Jesus didn't give up on me when He couldn't, the least I could do is not give up on Him...and I read this quote on facebook, it's "I rather have the LORD and find out He doesn't exist than not have Him and find out He does. That won't be the business."
I am in the singing committee for the church. Oh, that was a hard one. I still don't want to commit. But if it happens it happens. I love to sing. And God did give me this talent to sing, so sing I will. But it's been SO complicated! And I have been in the out's with God for a long time so I don't even know the songs, so it's a good thing that I'm a fast learner!
On the top of my head FOUR of my really good friends got engaged this month! FOUR of them! I'm super happy for them...I am super duper happy for  them! This year is going to be a very tiring, trying, fun, memorable, stressful, happy year for those friends. I wish them the best in the planning of their special day, but wow! For of them got engaged! [Chris, Deem0, Meng, Jen]

I went hiking at Kahana Bay! [Which totally reminds me! I wanted to do a blog about it! I guess I will have to after this one, even though I was planning to have this one be the last one for this month! Oh well. *laughs*] That was an experience!! It was super muddy and a lot of mosquitos! The trail sometimes disappeared and I have to river wade two times and cross the scariest bridge I ever had to cross. Lets juss say my shoes are just a mudball right now* laughs*

Well, that about sums it all up! That I can think of at least. I can't believe that this month is already over! It was a good start of the year and I hope the rest of the months are full of fun and memories as well!!
"January is the quietest month in the garden.... But just because it looks quiet doesn't mean that nothing is happening. The soil, open to the sky, absorbs the pure rainfall while microorganisms convert tilled-under fodder into usable nutrients for the next crop of plants. The feasting earthworms tunnel along, aerating the soil and preparing it to welcome the seeds and bare roots to come."-Rosalie Muller Wright, Editor of Sunset Magazine, 1/99


"Everything in life is temporary because everything changes. That's why it takes great courage to love...knowing it might end anytime."
This is something that I am constantly fighting. Change. I think that I know myself by now, and I have come to realize that I have learned to shut down a little bit of myself when I deal with change. So many things have changed in my life. I mean...when I look down the road of my life, a little bit of who I was is still who I am, but I have changed. It's inevitable. People change. Things change. With every choice you make it changes your future.

I try to remember that everything is temporary. And that the only sure thing in life is change. It really is...and I am so not good with goodbye's or endings. But I have learned to be strong and just go with the flow, yet stand up for what I believe in. I still am scared of commitment, there is still to much at stake with that...too much risk. Because change. Love will end. And I don't think that I'm strong enough, yet, to commit knowing it might end. But life is good. And it's my choice if I want that to change. Lets hope that life stays good for awhile yet.

"If nothing ever changed, there would be no butterflies."

Touch of the Master's Hand

When I was younger still living with my parents, I would hear this song come on the radio every so often, The Touch of the Master's Hand. And this song always touched me. I haven't heard it in awhile, but I came across the poem the other day. The message, to me, is so powerful that it makes me tear when I stop to think about how the words relate to my life.

"Touch of the Master’s Hand," by Myra Welsh

T’was battered and scarred, and the auctioneer
Thought it scarcely worth his while
To waste much time on the old violin,
But held it up with a smile.

"What am I bidden, good folks," he cried,
"Who’ll start the bidding for me?"
"A dollar, a dollar," then, two! Only two?
"Two dollars, and who’ll make it three?

"Three dollars, once; three dollars, twice;
Going for three . . . "But no,
From the room, far back, a grey haired man
Came forward and picked up the bow;

Then, wiping the dust from the old violin,
And tightening the loose strings,
He played a melody pure and sweet
As a caroling angel sings.

The music ceased, and the auctioneer,
With a voice that was quiet and low,
Said: "What am I bid for the old violin?"
And he held it up with the bow.

"A thousand dollars, and who’ll make it two?
Two thousand! And who’ll make it three?
Three thousand, once; three thousand, twice;
And going and gone," said he.

The people cheered, but some of them cried,
"We do not quite understand
What changed its worth?" Swift came the reply:
"The touch of a master’s hand."

And many a man with life out of tune,
And battered and scarred with sin,
Is auctioned cheap to the thoughtless crowd,
Much like the old violin.

A "mess of potage," a glass of wine;
A game, and he travels on.
He is "going" once, and "going" twice,
He’s "going" and almost "gone."

But the Master comes and the foolish crowd
Never can quite understand
The worth of a soul and the change that’s wrought
By the touch of the Master’s hand.

She just kept walking.

Today was a Monday. And as I walked to the preschool, I prayed...PLEASE let me survive this day with smiles. And you know what?! I did. I always do when I'm working with little "angels." But I do have to say it was a tough day. I was asked to aid a different class. With another aid. Who does that?! Put two aids together with no teacher. Oh least the other aid should know what to do, and I'll juss help.

But she just kept walking. She went to the kitchen, supposedly to get the snack and 15 minutes later I wonder where she is. I couldn't live the little 2 year olds to check on her. So I wave another teacher over and she tells me to wait a few more minutes...maybe she was still trying to figure out what snack should be.  Twenty-five minutes later, when all the little two-year-old angels, where crying cause they were hungry another teacher goes to find out what is going on in the kitchen.

She just kept walking. The other aid went to get the snacks, but instead of stopping at the kitchen to get the snack, she kept on walking until she got to the parking lot and left. Just like that. So I was stuck, no I shouldn't say stuck, more like I had the privilege to teach the little two-year-olds today. It was different and I was glad that I had my prayer answered...I survived today with smiles. Because I couldn't help myself but smile when I'm with little kids. They are so fun to watch and see the developmental growth day by day and know I helped with that.
Today was a Monday. And guess what?! It wasn't all that bad.

"When people go to work, they shouldn't have to leave their hearts at home." -Betty Bender

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Musical Talent.

I love music. I play the flute, piano, I sing, handbells and guitar. I would love to get better in all the instruments and I would love to learn the Ukulele now that I live here in Hawaii. But I love music. Whether it's listening or playing myself. Whenever I feel like I'm having a bad day, I know that playing the piano or even listening to music will always calm me down.

I know that there are a lot of talented people out there. And I appreciate youtube for being what it is. I love listening to the different people share their talents. There is a lot of talent out there!! Here are a few of my favorites. Only a few though!

Kurt is an amazing composer! He plays the piano really well and he sings and he has so much talent! And I love listening to what he has to share. Christina is a really good singer and Sam is one of my favorite singers...put all three together..and it's absolutely beautiful!

Here is another video by Kurt, but Andy, the guy who is playing in the video, is SOOO good at the piano! If only I can play like's so fun to listen to and so inspirational to me...I have hope! *laughs*

I love listening to instrumentals and guitar is one of my favorite instruments to listen too. And this guy, Sungha Jung, is an amazing guitarist. He has so much talent and I hope that he never stops play. [Oh, I have never watched the Twilight series, and I didn't know that this was "Bella's Lullaby", I liked it way before the movie even came out! :)]

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."

Driving in the rain.
Driving in the rain is scary to me. I don't like it. And if I had a choice, I wouldn't ever drive in the rain. But today I had too. On my way to "town" it was bright and shiny and it looked like a perfect day. I had to go to town so that I can update my CPR/First Aids for adults and children, and so going there was a breeze. Well, the GPS brought me to the WRONG BUILDING!! But it was okay, because I usually try to be early, so I had time to walk around and find the right building and found some really cute shops to look around in. But I went to my class and the Dr. guy was really nice [if you are in Oahu, HI, and you need a CPR/First Aids certificate, just ask me, I totally recommend him!] and really knew his stuff. Afterwards, since I was in "town" I might as well take advantage of it and to some shopping! :) So I did.

I was around the Kukui Plaza Mall and so I walked around there. Helped a lady in a walker cross the street, talked to a few people about random things, went into some cute shops, bought some jeans [they were on sale! :)], helped some tourist find where they were going and then I realized the sky was getting dark...but it was only 3:pm! And that's when I started heading back to where I parked because I had a feeling it was going to rain. And I was just in time. Right when I got out of the parking garage it was raining as if there was no sun just 10 minutes ago! It was so heavy, so strong, and I could barely see 10 feet in front of me. I hate driving when it's raining that hard.

I just concentrated on the red brake lights in front of me and following the white line. You can't really get lost in Oahu. It's such a small island that you will eventually find where you need to go [but I still hate getting lost!] But I had the unfortunate experience of driving in the down pour today and I just thank God that I didn't get in an accident. I think I passed at least 3 accidents.

Dancing in the rain. I love to do. I would like to experience kissing in the rain. Singing in the rain is a lot of fun too. But driving in the rain, no. I can do with out.

"If I were running the world I would have it rain only between 2 and 5 a.m. Anyone who was out then ought to get wet."-William Lyon Phelps

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I love doing many things. I love coloring. It's one of the many things that I love to do. I haven't colored in such a long time though, until I became a preschool teacher and it seems that I do a lot of coloring now. I have realized that it's a fun way to teach creativity to a child. You give them a black and white picture for them to color and no two picture will be alike. For crying out loud, when you are coloring if you want to color the tree hot pink, then color the tree hot pink, no one is stopping you! That's the beauty of it all, no rules really. You don't even have to stay in the lines if you don't want to!

I love watching the children color. You don't even have to give them a picture to color, you can give them a blank sheet of paper and it's fun to see what they will draw. They have a vast imagination and the dog that they draw for you is not like any other dog that you have ever seen before, or will you ever see again, but its fun to have this glimpse inside their inquisitive mind to see what they are thinking.

I like to color. I remember when I use to have my own apartment, I would have a shelf of coloring books and a box of coloring utensils-crayons, colored pencils, markers, and glitter pens. I remember all the kids at my apartment complex knew that as long as I was home my door was open for them to come in and just "hang out"-whether that be to watch a movie [I'm a sucker to animation movies!], to help me cook, to play with my cats and/or fish [they loved feeding them!], or to color and draw. I remember walking home from school and all these little kids would rush to greet me and help me carry my stuff home. Such fun memories. But I remember they really loved that shelf full of coloring books where they can draw.

Right now, I have an art box that I take with me when I am baby-sitting. It's filled with colored paper, color pencils, markers, different kinds of scissors, paste, glue tape, glitter pens, art crafts and just a lot of blank paper and coloring pictures because I have found that the kids like art. The first thing that the kids ask is "Auntie! Did you bring your project box?!" 2010/12/crayons/
I personally think that the world would be a better place if everyone just stopped to take the time to color, if not by yourself, but with a child. It's a lot of fun, and believe it or not, it can be a good stress reliever. At least to me it is. :)

"If you want an interesting party sometime, combine cocktails and a fresh box of crayons for everyone."-Robert Fulghum

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I have not yet gotten a tattoo, but I am seriously thinking of getting some. I believe that a tattoo should not be gotten on the spur of the moment, they should be thought out and should have a reason. My opinion only. A tattoo [to me] is like a scar, when you look and see that tattoo, it should remind [me] of why I got it and what it represents. I have been thinking a lot about what I want to get. I do know that I want to get the words " in the rain" on my right hand on my thumb line going to my wrist. With a heart marking the end. And on my left wrist in really tiny pretty print the word hope. I have my reasons why I want those, but what I really would like to get is a side tattoo.

I have a lot of friends who have beautiful artwork on their bodies; some who have scary things inked on them, and some who have beautiful creations. I also have friends who have regretted a tattoo, and actually some who was fortunate enough to have enough money to laser remove it. But for my friends who didn't have the money to do that, they were stuck with a memory on their body. I don't want that to happen to me. So I really want to think about it.

My dad has a tattoo. I was seriously thinking of getting a "girl/daughter" version of his to cover my right forearm [where his is], but I don't really know for sure. So I know that I will wait on that. My dad got his when he was a teenager, and he is one of the unfortunate ones who was doing his "for fun" and he wants to get rid of it, but for some reason he doesn't want to part with it. [Confusing, yeah, I know!]

I am not yet sure if I will go through with my tattoo, but maybe one day, I'll be posting up my pictures of my tattoos up. But I want to make sure that it's what I really want and not something just because.

"A tattoo is a true poetic creation, and is always more than meets the eye.  As a tattoo is grounded on living skin, so its essence emotes a poignancy unique to the mortal human condition."  ~V. Vale and Andrea Juno, Modern Primitives

I love the swings. For as far back as I can remember I have always loved swinging on the swings or in the hammock. My favorite playground place to play was on the swings. I love that feeling of flying and just rocking back and forth and back and forth. Sometimes when I close my eyes it really does feel like flying.

I remember when I was still in the Philippines, and I would lay down in a hammock to read a book, I always ended up falling asleep! I remember in my first year of college, right in front of my dorm, there was a swing...and I would just sit on that swing for a moment and just relax from all the stress. I remember when I was in elementary, our school had the bomb swing set and I would love swinging on them every recess.
I think it was from those elementary years that I started to love swinging. I have never seen another set of swings like that ever again. They have long since torn it down and built a new play ground because the "old" one didn't have the new requirements that playgrounds need now, and every time I go there [which is very rarely] to visit with my old teachers or go to my niece or nephew's program, I would sadly look to where those swings where and take my walk down memory lane.

Each day, while I'm waiting for the last child to be picked up by their parent, I sit on the swing and just go back and forth, back and forth on the swings and it makes me smile, because even though I'm already an adult, I can still enjoy the simple pleasures of "flying" through the air on the swings.
"The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation that you ever had."

Sunday, January 23, 2011


"Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?" -Sam Witwicky [Shia LaBeouf], Transformers I
Many times in my life I have been presented with situations that confront me choices; sometimes hard, sometimes not so hard. The times that I had to make a hard decision, I always tend to shy back and choose the easier route. I need to stop doing that. Sometimes that easy way isn't always the right way, and I need to have the "guts" to "get in the car" when all I want to do is turn around and walk away. I don't know what the future brings. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, next week, in six fifty years and I DO want to be able to look back and say, yes, I am glad that I did that; I am glad that I got in the car.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." — Marilyn Monroe
I am a very sensitive person, I have just learn over time to hide when something hurts me. When I'm happy, oh goodness! Everyone knows, but when sometimes hurts me, you can tell, but I won't say anything. I use to wonder why I had to go through that hurt, I wonder why my heart was ripped out of my chest once again to be cruelly torn apart and stepped on, but I just tell myself that everything happens for a reason, and that pain I'm experiencing is because it's teaching me something...whether that me to let it go, to appreciate things more, to trust no one or so that something better can come into my life, I went through that pain because I had too.

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
I hate confrontations. I really do hate it a lot, but if I don't stand up for something that I believe, then I know that everyone will just walk all over me. I know I can be a push-over, but I have learned to stand for what I believe in, even though my legs might shake some, as long as I stand up for what I know is right, I have a backbone and I know that I will be respected more.

"In the end everything is okay, if it's not okay then it's not the end."
There are days where everything is not okay and you just want to crawl back in bed and curl up in a ball under you blankets, I have those days, but I just have to remember that it's not the end. I have to remember that when it's the end everything will make perfect sense and that that was way that curl-up-in-a-ball day happened. Life isn't always fair and it will throw things that will make you test out out your patience, you courage, and inner strength. For me, it's a hourly struggle to remember that.

"The face can speak a thousand emotions but it can easily mask what the heart truly feels. Don't be fooled for the happiest face may be masking the most hurting heart."
I tell myself this all the time, because I do this all the time. I don't know what you are going through, all I know is that you are smiling, and I know what it's like to smile when your heart is hurting. I know that I try to smile at everyone that I encounter, because I don't know how that person is feeling, really. I don't know what's going on their minds and hearts. I have learned that for me, when I smile at someone, it makes me have a better day because that smile could be the only smile that person received for the day, and I gave it to them. Whenever someone acts in a certain way, I try to think of the deeper reason, because many times a person lashes out is because they are hurting. 

Saturday, January 22, 2011


"Time flies when you're having fun." I think what should be added to that fun little quote is, "...and when you are sleeping." When I laid my head down for a "quick nap" at 3:30pm, I was surprised to open my eyes to the numbers 6:57pm on my cell phone! What really woke me up was how dark it was in my room! I'm one of those people who can sleep when it's NOT pitch dark and if there is light in the room [yes, I sleep with a nightlight!], because I actually wake up if it turns "pitch black." And so that is what woke me up, the darkness of my room!

I can go through the day without a nap. That doesn't mean that if presented with an opportunity to take a nap, especially around 2 o'clock!, I wouldn't grab it, but for the most part my body can go through a day without a subconscious intervention at some random time of the day. BUT come  Saturday, it's like after my lunch has had its time to settle, my body just craves for a nap. Yes, it does! It craves for it! And I am guilty to succumbing to that craving-ness and take a nap.

My own personal opinion?! I think that everyone should have a that choice whether or not to take a nap for at least 40-45 minutes. It's that extra push for us to get through the day without feeling so tired or groggy. I know that we have a 15 minute break in the morning, but in the afternoon we should also have one and work places should have a "room" or something where we can lay our head down to grab a much needed "pick-me-up" nap.

Yes, even though this nap felt really good, and I'm glad that I was able to take a nap, I felt like I wasted most of my day. *laughs* Next time I will definitely use an alarm to wake me up at a timely hour.

"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."-Carrie Snow

Comfort sounds: cars

Every night, for as far as I can remember, as I lay in my bed trying to go to sleep, it would be the cars rushing by that would lull me to sleep. It wasn't the busy, city street life...but the steady lone cars rushing to go home that would speed by on the freeway behind my house. I grew up to that sound, and where ever I go, where ever I sleep, I find comfort in that sound. Its as if it's telling that everything is okay for the moment, the cars are still going.

In my room, back in Californa, at my childhood house, I have learned the different sounds of the rushing vehicles. I have heard the sounds of screeching breaks and the loud thud as an accident unfolds and the faint sounds of sirens growing louder as they came closer. I have heard the sounds of helicopters landing to airlift the poor souls who were involved in accidents. I have heard the loud sounds the rice rocket cars make. I have heard the sounds of drag racings going in the late hours of the night. I have heard the sounds of loud hip-hop and rap music playing as the cars go rushing by and the loud honk of the truck drivers as they make their deliveries. As loud as it may have seem, it really wasn't. It was more of a background noise that subconsciously reassured me that the world was still moving, and time was still making it's steady pace around the clock.

No matter where I go, whether it be here, in the mainland or even a different country...when ever I wake up to the cars rushing by, for a moment, I feel like a little child again, laying in my room back in my happy childhood home, with my mom and dad a few doors down, my dog sleeping right beside my window, my brother and sister in their own rooms, my cat prowling somewhere hunting, and a happy feeling in my heart knowing that everything is as it's suppose to be.

"Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose."-From the television show The Wonder Years

Friday, January 21, 2011


This week was a pretty hard week so I'm glad that it's finally Friday. I pretty much put being a wedding/event designer & decorator on hold for right now. But for the weekends if I could help out, I will. It was a really hard decision, and I don't know right now if it was even the best decision. So right now, being a preschool teacher aid is what I'm concentrating on. Monday was a holiday which made Tuesday feel like a Monday, but I'm not complaining because it was a short week.

The weather was crazy. Cold and raining one day, blazing hot the next, then gloomy and windy. It's like a woman's mind, always changing! *laughs* On the day that it was blazing hot, that morning was pretty cool...and you couldn't even tell at that early morning hour that it was going to be blazing hot. One thing I loved though, was the dampness in the air created a beautiful rainbow in the sky as I walked to school. It was just right there smiling at me as I walked down the driveway. The rainbow was so clear and stretched a long way. The best part was when I got to the school and was walking up to it, I looked in the other direction and there were two rainbows. So beautiful. I loved it and it made me smile.

Rainbows are beautiful and they always make me smile when I see one. Here in Hawaii there are always rainbows. Sometimes multiple rainbows at one time too...and I've never seen that before anywhere else. It's so beautiful and one of natures wonderful presents to humankind, if only we take the time from our busy schedule to look up and enjoy it.

I never want to get to that point in life where I am so busy that I can't even stop to see what is happening around me.; to notice the things that make me smile; a place where I lose my child-like wonder. I have to honestly say that is one thing that I do like about my personality that I do have this child-like wonder and I still enjoy the simple things in life that I see so many grown up's take for granted. Rainbows being one of them.

When things get so hard, when life is a struggle to get through, when the world seems to be laughing and playing jokes on you, instead of looking down, I will try to look up and notice the rainbows that I do have. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.

"And when it rains on your parade, look up rather than down. Without the rain, there would be no rainbow." - Gilbert K. Chesterton

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Whenever I'm stuck in a very hectic, very stressful, very anxiety-filled situation, I always think of my "happy place" and this place is in the water-the clear, warm, ocean water- with the sun shining down on me, blue sky, and with my eyes closed. Well, I shouldn't say in the water, but rather, floating half on top of the water, half slightly submerged, with the waves rocking me gently. Somewhere in a place where no one knows, no one exists [but me], and no problems to bog me down.

This has always been my "happy place" for as long as I could remember, even before I moved to Hawaii. And I think that it's pretty cool that I can actually, literally go to my "happy place" now...but for those times when I can't, I just close my eyes and I'm there. 

There is something about floating in the ocean, where your buoyancy is really high, that really calms me and helps me refocus on where I'm going in life. It's a feeling of total relaxation. It's me trusting the water to carry me not only physically but also mentally and emotionally.  A place where I can just trust everything too for just a moment, and just float there. 

"I don't understand people who like to work and talk about it like it was some sort of goddamn duty. Doing nothing feels like floating on warm water to me. Delightful, perfect."-Ava Gardner

Friday, January 14, 2011


I love walking barefooted. That might come as a surprise to a lot of people, because one of the many things that I love to shop for is shoes. I love shoes, yes, I will not deny that. But to walk barefoot has a liberating quality to it that makes you feel young again. I don't know what it is, but I love shoes. Heels. Flip-flop. Sandals. Wedges. Stilettos. I love them all. But I still love walking around with nothing on my feet.

I know that sometimes it's disgusting, because I have this thing about feet, that I don't really like my feet dirty. *laughs* But I do like walking around barefooted. I remember running around the grass in the sprinkles on a hot, summer California day with no shoes on; just having the time of my life. And whenever I go barefoot it brings me back to those carefree days.

I still have a huge collection of shoes. And it's still growing, but ever since I came here to Hawaii, my flip-flop collection is growing. If I can't be barefoot, I would wear flip-flops everywhere for everything. But not all the time. Like I said, I love shoes. :)

One thing different working here in HI as a preschool teacher and in CA as a preschool teacher is the fact that in CA they children NEVER take off their shoes. Here in HI, the children will "loose" their slippers the moment they come play because they take off their slippers and never even bother looking for them until their parents/guardians come pick them up after school. All my lil' children love to run around from here to there with no shoes on. Barefoot. And I love it. [Well, when they need to go to the bathroom, I'm not too happy that they don't wear shoes/slippers though!!]

But watching my little four-year-olds go through school with no shoes or slippers, but barefoot makes me smile. Nothing "cages" them in. They are free. They are happy. They are my lil' Hawaiian children. And I love them.

"If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies."

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Holding hands

One thing that makes me smile is when I see people holding hands. Whether that be a boyfriend holding his girlfriends hand, a child's arms reaching up between both parents, or a wife linking fingers with her husband--they all make me smile. There is something so heart-warming about that simple gesture of touch. Like a comfort of security.

As I was walking to work [I have the best "commute" ever! My preschool job is literally a 3 minute stroll from where I live!], I saw an older couple crossing the street, holding hands, and I couldn't help myself from smiling. It was just so cute to watch.

I remember as a child, reaching up to hold my daddy's hand for no reason at all but to know that he was close by, so close, that I can touch him...and hold his hand. I remember my mom instinctively reaching out to hold my hand as we crossed the street to enter the store...even though I am already 25 years old. I remember squeezing the hand of my [then] boyfriend as he walked me to the car that would bring me to the airport. I remember my baby niece curling her fingers around my index finger as she slept when she was only a few day old, and then a few years later, trustingly reaching up to hold my hand as we walked around the mall.

My heart smiles when a child holds my hand. As a preschool teacher, this happens a lot...and I know that I will never take it for granted. It's like saying, "I trust you" in a way.

"When you feel alone, just look at the spaces between your fingers and remember that's where mine fit perfectly."

Pleasant Surprise.

I think the reason why I'm so scared to get in a bf/gf relationship is because I'm too scared to mess up that friendship if it doesn't work out. It has happened before and I don't want it to happen again. But, again, it's all a risk. I know that I could never date a guy if I wasn't his friend first, so eventually I will have to do it again.

I dated this guy awhile back. He's my best friend, and I remember when he "lovingly" forced me to talk about our feelings for each other, I was so against of changing our "best friend" status to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status, coz I told him "I don't ever want to be your 'ex' anything!" *laughs* But we both came to the same conclusion, we would never know if we never tried. We like to do crazy things together, and that is like "our motto" "You never know if you don't try", doing something daring, we kind of tried it out. We got together. We had a good two years together, but long distance took it's toll, and even though we were both pretty sure that we could have done it, it was the wrong time.

I believe that the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. So we ended it. It hurt. Oh mandope, it hurt a lot. But time does heal all wounds [but leaves scars :(], cause I still know that I can call him when I need him. He still knows that he can call me when he needs me. We still have that open communication. He introduces me to the girls he dates. And he never once called me his "ex-girlfriend" but his best friend. We never know until we try; maybe it might work out in the future, coz our timing was off, maybe it won't and we are bound to be "best friends." I am happy with our friendship right now.

Life got busy and I hadn't talked to him for a while. We have been playing phone tag for what seemed like forever [we live in different time zones now]. But he called me last night as I was getting ready for bed. And we talked about everything. He has a girlfriend now. He's really happy. And I'm happy for him. I'm happy that I still have this amazing guy in my life that I can call my best friend. It was such a pleasant surprise to hear his voice and talk to him again. I will always have feelings for him, coz I dated him...But I will appreciate and never take for granted our friendship that we have, coz in this case, we tried, it didn't work out...and it didn't ruin our friendship.

"The right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing. The wrong thing at the right time is definitely the wrong thing. The wrong thing at the wrong time, we won't even go there. BUT the right thing at the right time will always be the right thing."

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Marisha and Kevin's Wedding

This is one of the first weddings that I did for Passion Roots. My first taste of working in this industry and I was caught. I loved it. The stress that it brings is like non-other but so much worth it. This wedding was black, white, and green. I loved the spider mums that we used, and of course the hydrangeas are still some of my favorite flowers to work with. A beautiful wedding. Congratulations to Marisha and Kevin!!