last night was another night full of goodbyes for me. so sad i know....but i remember the last time that i went to the philippines i found this one quote...something like...the longer you miss someone, the closer the day will come that you will see them again...or something like that...but i already miss everyone!
i like those movie nights in PUC! i think they are fun...it sucked that it was the same time as the volleyball game though, but then i sorta got to see both...was there for the volleyball..i was frustrated the whole time, but i know that the guys did their best...and that's all we ask for...then the movie...oh kay...i know those of you who have watched a movie with me..i am constantly asking..."why...why...why???" and all this sort of anoying thing...right brother?! jejejej....but then i get SO confused if i don't start in the beginning...and since i didn't start in the begining...oh wow was i ever confused...but then the movie reminded me of my cousin...since i know that he likes those kind of movies...i wonder how he is...oh well, i'll be seeing him before the week is up. :)
you know that one game that people tend to play, even if they don't want too?! the "what if..." game...yeah..i find myself playing that game a lot. what if this happened? what if that happened? what if i went back to PUC?! that's the one that is always entering my mind...i was having a converstation with my friend (sorta converstation at least) about that..and i think that i would have had awesomeness fun there! it would have been a LOT different than my first year i think...but all the same, more fun! jejeje...i think that if i was there...i wouldn't be going back to philippines...but people need to do what they gotta do...right?!
you know how you have those friends that you hit it off REALLY good with and for a long time you are the goodest (not a word...so tickle me! :)) friends...then things happen and you are still good friends, but you don't talk as much anymore? but you know that your still their friends? well...yeah...i was talking to such a friend like that last night. and wow...the reminising was funny! i don't think that she will ever read this...but still..i feel like mentioning it...but i remember all those times we went camping...sang our heads off...screamed a million times for the heck of it...and you know what? long time ago...she wrote me this poem that said that we will be sister's no matter what...i still have that poem...and juss talking to her made me realize...i'm SUPER glad that she is back in my life. i've missed her...but we have our own lives now...but she is still a "goodest" friend. :)
i have a lot of friends like that...they are like surprises you know...like they walk into your life...and you don't know how they will impact you, and then they do. and you never really say "goodbye" they then you juss go your separate ways...but there is always this bond that you will always have, you know...and at any given time they come around and you have the funnest time talking and reminising with each other again...i like lifes surprises...:) i makes your realize how far you've gone in life...at least it did when i talking to my friend...when we were little we would talk about everything and anything and write each other and call each other and everytime...she has always been there...going to PUC...near my home...she is on the volleyball team in PUC..i went to her games...supported her...and when it comes down to it...we're still close...:) makes me smile...jejejeje
well, i need to finish packing...what a hassel...so much to do...so little time...but i'm not complaining...jejeje...
"...before you go tommarow...juss love me today..."
Less than a week, am i ready? sometimes, i dont' know if i'm making the right decision. i'm so confused...you know how they say when someone gets married, they get "cold feet" are they doing the right thing?! type of dealio...well, this is a major thing in my life, and am i doing the right thing?! what if it isn't? i'm scared...five years is a long time to be away from my life! philippines is different, really different, and i love the place...but no one understands...and no one will understand why i have to go! but that is not what i'm talking about right now...right now i'm talking about how
my heart is breaking. i'm a sucker when it comes to goodbye...and i can't do it. i make friends and it seems like i'm always saying goodbye to them! am i running away, or am i going away? is there a difference? i need to get away...but is it for the right reasons? i dont' wanna do nursing...so why am i do it? is it the last thing? im being forced...am i happy, what am i talking about...i'm going now.
Nine more days...and sadly counting...i never learn huh?! i HATE goodbyes! i hate them SO much..i had to say good-bye to a few of my most cherished friends...and OH how my heart hurt bad. yes...i cry...and i'm not ashamed...well...i do get embarrassed, but not really...i hate saying goodbye...it seems like i've been saying bye to a lot of people lately. goodbyes...damn...when will the day come when i don't ever have to say goodbye again?!
yesterday after work i said goodbye to my friend that helped me through school. i try not to mention names on this blog thingy...but MAY...i think you deserved to be known...i don't think any of my other friends now her anyways...but may is truely a God sent friend. When all my friends were gone and were going to different schools or weren't in touch with me, i met May...and it was hard to say bye. She gave me something that i will ALWAYS keep...she's an awesome friend.
my kuya and other cousin are gone now. i'm gonna see my cousin soon, but as for my kuya, i won't be seeing him anytime soon. im gonna miss him crazy.
now my niece, my "babylove" now she is one person that i'm gonna have a hard time saying "bye" too. saying goodbye to all my friends and family are always hard...but i know that you all sorta understand why i have to get away from here...but my niece she doesn't...all she knows is that everyone she loves is leaving her. i love her SO much...more than SO much...more than i can even explain, and i'm gonna get on the damn airplane and leave her...sometimes i odnt' understand myself...but i need to get away from here.
this is my last week working...and i wish that i didn't get attached to kids and people easily. i think that is one of my faults...i am so attached to "my" kids...that today as my kids where leaving and hugging me before they left...i almost broke down. They know i'm leaving...we have to tell them ahead of time, kasi if you dont' know already...kids HATE change...so we have to prepare them ahead of time. me AND the other teacher is leaving ...she's moving to Texas...so we have to prepare them that both their teachers are leaving...and it's hard...every time they leave now they hug us...all day long they are wanting us to see something "one last time." oh, it's so hard...my "babies" are gonna grow up and forget me...but it feels good to know that i did make a difference in their life, and even if they forget me, i'll never forget them...
what a depressing blog...!!! well thanx too all of you who came to my house for the AY/good-bye party for kuya and "ading"....i had a lot of fun...guess what?! i also lost my voice sorta...yeah, yeah, yeah...i know i talk to much...but J***** i DIDN"T LIE!!! jejeje...you know who you are...and one day you're gonna miss my teasing! the back rub was great though! :)
oh and one other thing...GIRLS DON'T CHEAT!!!...at least the girls i know..:)
My goodness...this week has juss be SO craziness for me! Let me see...first of, lets start of with last friday...we went camping...now let me think back...WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I WENT CAMPING?!?! okay...soquel does NOT count...i mean like REAL camping...filled with misquitoes and bugs and WASPS in your tent, showers that don't really clean you, kasi there is a million bugs your are trying to not touch...and you have to pay 50 cent for FIVE minutes of water...i did NOT say WARM water, i said water...but my goodness was it fun or not! i had such a blast! you all should have seen my brother and cousin in that tiny ass tent while me and my lil sister had the four person tent...hey they offered...we weren't gonna turn them down...their tent WAS for two people anyways...oh but...two TINY people! but it was fun. the drive up there was something...it was suppse to take us i think two hours...right?! but it took us more like FIVE...jejeje...but it was still fun to reach our campsite, and get out of the car to be eaten alive with misquitoes while it's PITCH BLACK! i can't believe we forgot flashlights...ask me if i was scared...jejeje...wait, don't ask...jeje:)
Now Saturday...that was the most fun i have had in weeks! We camped by the :"Mighty" Merced river...it's by Yosemite for those of you who didn't know that...i know i didn't! :) so first we had our Saturday worship and then we went scouting the river to tie our "swing"...now that was an experience! While i was in the Kayak with two of my GUY friends...WHY did the kayak TIP OVER while we were trying to reach the other side of the river to see if there were some good trees near some deep water...jejeje...oh well, it was FUNNY! up against a tree in the middle of the river and our kayak tipped...i have to admit i paniced juss a little...since i was UNDER the kayak...but i put my feet down and the water was to my chest and the current wasn't all that strong...but it was still FUNNY! (right joe and jon?! jeje) With a lot of help from my lil sis and brother, we finally got the rope up over the "V" of the branches, after searching practically the WHOLE day to find a good place...and we went swinging...oh my goodness! it was SO much fun. I was SO short, i could barely reach the swing, so i had to stand on the backs of the boys...JAJA...i felt so bad...but it was fun! i'm f'realz! you need to try it! and it has to be at a river near a mountian where the ice is juss melting, so that the river in unforgivingly FREEZING COLD! jejeje...man-oh-man...it was too much fun. Then a trip to the bug infested "warm" showers. Now i say "warm" kasi after being in the ice-cold water, it was warm! :) S'more making was fun...then the guys making me scared...why is it when you tell someone you're not that...hm...STABLE...in the dark...they have to go and see if you were juss joking or not?! oh well..no harm done...sorta...but it was a LONG night. white lady my ass! :)
The next day we had to wake up HELLA early to set out for river rafting. I'll keep this part short...lets juss say, it was something to remember.
Then the traffic going home. SO slow...
THEN this WHOLE week...it was work, school, projects and appointments. i don't know why, but it seems so far that when i'm leaving it's always at the last minute. *shrugs shoulders* i guess i make my dicissions best on the last minute...sorta. But now my mom is spasing and wants me to have all my medical appointments so that i won't have to do them accross the world... so i have all these medical appointments and follow-ups to do...damn...i swear i'm not gonna have any more blood left from all the blood work and the blood i lost from the pulling of my wisdom teeth!!!
Why was everyone giving me all these horror stories about wisdom teeth being pulled?! okay, i have to admit i had SOME discomfort, but the worst was the TERRIBLE taste in my mouth after it was all done! And i couldn't rinse my mouth for a WHOLE DAY after it was done...now that was torture! And i was out like what! i'm glad i got them pulled out and stuff...and you know actually if i didn't get them ALL pulled out at the same time, i think i would have wanted to be awake the second time, juss to see how it was like. but then i was advised by my sister's special someone to got under and "sleep" through it all. But i guess they didn't factor in that i'm a SMALL person, and they gave me an ADULT portion of whatever they gave me to go to under...i was out for the longest time, my mom was getting worried i would NEVER wake up! but when i did wake up, i juss wanted to sleep, kasi it was the only way i knew that i could get away from the taste! it was that bad!
I feel fine now...except for the fact that there is BBQ beef and chicken downstairs from my cousin's party and i am NOT able to partake of any of it! now that is what i call torture! I was at my cousin's house for her birthday yesterday, and i got to smell all the meat BBQing...all the good food...and i got to eat SOUP! at least it was CHICKEN noodle soup...but who wants that if they have a whole feast before their eyes?! okay, i have to admit...i really didn't get the worst of the pain from pulling my wisdom teeth out, so when my kuya approach me with CHOCOLATE from GERMANY...i HAD to eat some...but it was terrible since it was the kind of chocolate that you have to savor in your mouth to get the full effect of the taste of the chocolate...but i could only "chew" with the tips of my front teeth...then swollow. but hey...it still was good...jejeje...so that was how i got my MINITURE smaller than bite-sized pieces of BBQ down my throat. But in all seriousness...PERSERMERIE! that was REALLY good food...and i did have a lot of fun with all the babies...DAMN! i love all the babies! jejejejeje (thanks Marichris for "giving" me marcus for the night...i LOVED it!) :)
Well, i really need to stop wasting my time and go get offa my ass to pack all my stuff...Liss...you wanna come over to help?! there could be stuff that you want! jajajaja...payback time! :)
oh...i didn't get into the guns part of the weekend...some much to say...so little patience to sit and type! :)
"maybe he's right...maybe there is something a matter with me, i juss don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things...could be bad...."