I MISS them.

The other day I was talking to my niece back in California. She was taking the death of our mutual friend kind of hard because she would go riding with her dad and he and Cam use to go riding together. So I was talking to her, making sure she was going to be okay. Oh, how I miss my little ones so much! But we started talking about everything else under the sun and every so often her lil sister would run in to her room and say "I want to talk to Aunty too!!" Which would annoy the older one to no bounds! [They are about 6 years apart.] Well, I talked to the older one for a few hours before I had to go. It was way past her bedtime.

But before I got off the phone, I could hear the little one come in the room and say, "Now is it my turn?" so I told the older one to give the younger one the phone to talk to her too. I love her just as much, and I miss her so much too. And this younger one reminds me so much of how I was when I was younger...non-stop talking! Part of our conversation [with the younger one] went like this:

LayLay: Aunty what is your favorite cartoon?
Me: The Little Mermaid
LL: What?! Me too!! Who do you like the best?
M: Flounder
LL: Oh Aunty, guess what? I have Ariel, Flounder and Sebastian floating in my bathtub!
M: No way!? Really?
LL: I'm Ariel
M: I'm Flounder
LL: Aunty I thought you liked flowers.
M: What?! Yeah, I do...
....
....
M: LayLay?
....
....
M:LayLay?! Are you there?! I'm going to hang up the phone.
[waits 20 seconds]
LL: Aunty! Are you still there?
M: Where'd you go?
LL: Aunty, I'm sitting down!
M: Yeah, but you disappeared on the phone
LL: What? When?
M: Just right now?
LL: Oh that time! My hand got tired holding the phone so I put it down for a little bit.


I love her. I really love her!

I miss them SO much....

Christmas 2009

 Christmas 2009

We talked for a few more minutes and my heart twisted just a little bit when it was time to hang up the phone. I miss them so much and I know that time never stops. I wish I could be there physically for them...I miss them so much.

"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."

Love.

Jaeson Ma -Love (feat. Bruno Mars)

Now Hollywood wants to make you think they know what love is.

But I'm a tell you what true love is.

Love is not what you see in the movies.

Its not the ecstasy, its not what you see in that scene

You know what I mean? I'm telling you right now, true love is sacrifice.

Love is thinking about others before you think about yourself

Love is not selfish. Love is God and God is love.

Love is when you lay down your life for another

 Whether for your brother, your mother, your father or you sister

Its even laying down you life for your enemies,

That's unthinkable, but think about that

Love is true

Think.

Chorus

I'll put you in front of me

So everybody can see

My love, this is my love

I know that I"ll be alright

As long as you are my guide

My love, this is my love.

Love is patient, love is kind. 

It does not envy, it does not boast

It is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking

it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs

You see love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, it always perseveres

Love never fails. Love is everlasting

Its eternal, it goes on and on, it goes beyond time

Love is the only thing that will last when you die

But ask the question why? Do you have love?

Chorus

I"ll put you in front of me

So everybody can see

My love, this is my love

I know that I'll be alright

As long as you are my guide

My love, this is my love

There is no greater love than this than he who lays down his life for his friends

Now are you willing to lay down your life for your friends?

You're probably willing to lay down your life for your mother

Your father, or your best friends

But are you willing to lay down your life for even those that hate you?

I'm going to tell you who did that

The definition of love is Jesus Christ. He is love

The nails in his hands, the thorns on his brow

Hanging on a cross for you sins my sins

That is love he died for you and me while we still hated him.

That is love

God is true love, and if you don't know this love

Now is the time to know, perfect love

Chorus

I'll put you in front of me

So everybody can see

My love, this is my love

I know that I"ll be alright

As long as you are my guide

My love, this is my love

(repeat)

Trust.

Trust is a very fragile thing. But in a very twisted way it is also one so the strongest thing that can be between two variables. Take for example, a chair. You sit on the chair trusting that it will hold you. Then one day the chair breaks when you sit on it and that trust is broken. Because every time you have to sit on that chair, even though you fixed it, you will test it first to make sure that it won't give when you sit on it until that day comes when/if you trust that chair will stand firm when you sit on it.

At a very early age, I think that trust is one the first things a child learns. Trust. I mean, a child has to trust that his/her parent/s will take care of him/her because s/he is physically and mentally unable to. Fast forward to preschool, it's really hard on both parents and child when the child is ready to start preschool. And the first few days [hopefully NOT weeks!!] is really hard because the child cries for their parents. But then the day comes when the child trust that their parents/guardian WILL come pick them up at the end of the day and will not abandon them.

It's really sad because I have this little boy, the cutest little tyke ever, who is really good; he helps out in class, really nice, polite...and rarely, if ever, cries...but one day his guardian was super late to pick him up. He watched as one by one his friends were picked up, then his teachers left [NOT by himself of course!! We gather all the age groups together at the end of the day, and us teachers leave one by one as the children leave so all 15 teachers aren't there to watch 3 children]. He was the last one left with the last two teachers...and by then he was in tears and nothing would calm him down then grandma came running up the sidewalk saying sorry, she wasn't paying attention to the time.

This happened three weeks ago.

And to this day, he starts getting panic looks on his face when it's time to go home, because he's worried no one is going to pick him up. It has come to the point were I don't even leave when it's my turn to leave and he's still there, because when I leave its the last straw that will wring his sad tears from his eyes. I'm his teacher and it's just so heartbreaking to watch him cry silently to himself while looking out into the parking lot willing for his mom or dad or grandma to come pick him up. I do have to say that when someone does come to pick up him, he is the most excited little boy on the playground!

Trust. A very fragile, yet strong thing.

"It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it."

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Letting go.

"Should I smile because we're friends or cry because that's all we'll ever be?!"

Letting go is and will always be hard to do. My cousin once told me that whoever I end up with will be one lucky guy coz I love deep. And she told me, be careful with your heart, you get hurt easily coz you care too much. I remember thinking, what?! Doesn't anyone?! But I can see what she is saying.

When I get with someone, I never think that we're going to break up. I only get with a guy if I can see myself with them...forever. Literally. And I know that it does take me nearly that long to get over that guy if we do break up. But I know now that I can't do that, and it's time for me to let go. I don't wait by my phone anymore waiting for his phone calls or even his texts. I don't run to the mailbox hoping that he decided to send me a surprise in the mail [he use to do that, because he knew it made me smile.] I don't wait for his knock on the door wanting to take me out just because or for his smiles when I see him. But deep down inside I still hope, does he still have some feelings for me? But I can't hold on anymore. It's time for me to let go.

I'll remember the good times that we had. I'll remember the times where he would make me smile and the surprises he would randomly think of to do because I get excited over them. I'll remember our good memories. We still talk...sometimes. He'll still texts me telling me goodnight...sometimes. He'll still call me up to tell me to have a good day...sometimes. But it's not the same anymore and yes, it's time for me to let go.

It was good while it lasted, but it's time for me to let go. It's hard...it's never easy...but something like this should never be easy...but it sucks to go through.

"If you love something set them free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."

The Perfect Girlfriend?

My friend sent me this and I thought to share...

Yesterday.

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Yesterday morning early, early in the morning my brother and I got ready to leave for Queen Park in Honolulu to go jogging. Since they are training for the Hibiscus 1/2 Marathon, they get early to train with Kaleo and his team. I went with them, because they decided to do the swimming there at the Queens beach.

It was early morning and so we were still half asleep. My older brother was trying, my younger brother was sitting in the front and I was curled up the back seat just dozing off listening to the radio music when my younger brother asked me, "Ate Che, are my shoes back there?!" No, they weren't. We weren't even 5 minutes from home, so we drove back we didn't see them. So we drove back and forth our street a few times, we found his socks...but of the two people we saw out jogging at the early time, someone must have seen them and took them. They were nice shoes too. My brother was bummed.

When we got to the park, Kaleo and his team along with Tracy and K. Neal, went running their 8+ miles and I took Cicco and went my own 4 1/2 miles at my own pace. I saw so many groups doing so many things! Hula dancing, Tai Chi [that was beautiful to watch!], boxing, Karate, even musicians around the park just playing. The sax player was really good! And I even met a lot of people. I talked to two homeless men, they were super friendly and Cicco loved them. They were really nice! I met this one man name Jerry [aww! My daddy's name!] and I found out later on that he was an olympic runner! And I was talking to him for a long time! He told me he had a 1/2 Jack Russell Terrier 1/2 Tasmanian Devil dog! What?! Really?! Wow!

After the team came back, they all went to take a shower and then we went to go get breakfast. Since it was Tracy's birthday, we got this wonderful tasting Chocolate Gonash [sp?!] cake. Oh, it was yummy! And I got pina colada pancakes...that was wow yummy too!! Then we went swimming for about two hours. But by the first hour, I started to feel woozy, but I didn't want to stop swimming. By the time we got to the car, my head was going to explode.

But we weren't going home yet. Tracy felt really bad what happened to my brother about him losing his shoes, so we went to the store to buy him shoes! Tracy said that for her birthday she wanted to get him shoes...that was super nice of her. She has big heart and I love her so much. I also bought shoes for me; I needed new walked/jogging/running shoes and so I got me the  Womans Air Max Moto. They are SUPER comfy, and I love them.

I got home and I said that I was only going to take a nap for an hour...but I didn't even wake up. My sister said that I was super hot and my body was radiating heat...but my sister was saying that I kept saying that I was cold and I was under all my blankets all six of them. So she hella blew the fan on my face and kept bring me Gatorade to drink because I was so gone that I didn't even know what was going on around me!

Yesterday was a perfect day. Super perfect day...next time I need to remember to keep hydrated and cool.

If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." -Mary Engelbreit

Hugs.

Hugs do make a difference in a person's life. I was always a "huggy" person and I remember when I was doing missionary work, I couldn't hug people. The place were I worked was really conservative that we weren't allowed to hug people. So for six month, I never hugged someone and I never received a hug. It was not a happy time that I had.

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There is this little girl in my class, she is very defiant and her background breaks me heart. She is my little challenge and sometimes I just want to be done with her, but whenever I feel like that, I give her hug. She thrives with hugs. The other teacher in the classroom has said that she notices a difference with her since I've been doing that.

I hate playing favorites so I try my absolute best not too, and I'm getting worried that I'm giving her a lot of attention, and it makes me sad coz I can't do that. But I wish I can tell her guardian to hug her, just hug her. It does make a difference and even though she is a very defiant, stubborn person, I know that she just needs more love in her life.

So hugs do make a difference, don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

"If you're angry at a loved one, hug that person. And mean it. You may not want to hug-which is all the more reason to do so. It's hard to stay angry when someone shows they love you, and that's prpecisely what happens when we hug each other." -Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997.