Full Moon Ramblings

Last night was a full moon. In fact it was a SUPER full moon and when I looked online to make sure that it really was going to be a full moon last night I found out that it was also called the Full Corn Planting Moon and/or the Full Milk Moon. Why? I don't know, I didn't feel like doing a full on research on why, but it was nice to know that the beautiful moon that I saw last night had some pretty cool names...coz my days, it was a beautiful moon.

A picture I took last night enjoying the full moon.

When I was a little girl, I used to open up my window and it had a perfect view of the moon, at whatever phase it was at...and I would "talk to the moon" because I was taught that you had to "talk to God"...but I didn't really know how. All I know was that God was "up there" and at night whenever I looked "up there" I saw the moon. So at an early age, it was always me talking to moon hoping that somehow my words were also traveling "up there" to God. Also, it was a good visual for me...I wasn't just talking into space or something...I was talking to the moon and praying that it was somehow reaching God's ears. I know now that it was and has and will always be. But the moon holds a lot of sentiment to me.

The past few weeks have been tough, no doubt for everyone, but my feelings are valid, too. Sometimes it's easier for me to be strong for those who need me to be strong for them when they can't be strong themselves...but for some reason, for as long as I can remember, it has hard for me to allow someone to be strong for me. I somehow feel like I don't deserve it or something...but you know what, I'm slowly getting there. Trusting people more. But last night, as I was sat waiting for the moon to pop up out from all the clouds, I was zooming down memory lane and remembering all the secrets I would "tell" the moon...and I miss doing that.

I journal. I blog. I do have my friends that I talk to, however those nightly moments when I use to voice my thoughts to the moon, was so pure and so heartfelt. And that's what I did last night. I talk and talk and talked and realized that wow, that was something I really needed. I makes me smile to know that that same moon that I saw last night is the same moon that was there for me when I needed to talk all those years ago. I don't even know why I stopped. 

I love the ocean. I love the mysteries that it holds and I can watch documentaries of the wonders of the ocean for hours and hours and (if only I still had internet connection!) I could even let it play for a long time in the background of my daily life whenever I was home. But what also fascinates me is the cosmos. The heavens. The sky. I am a self-claimed sunrise chaser. (Mind you, I am by far a morning person...there IS a difference!) I can cloud watch, star gaze and meteor showers amaze me. I look for those wishing stars and I smile when I can recognize certain constellations. Whenever I can see a planet my heart beats a bit faster and when I spot a satellite passing overhead, it makes me smile. 

Nature is my inspiration. Yes, I hear that all the time. What inspires you? Nature. But it is so true. I can not even imagine life with out nature. And my heart fills up with so much happiness when I realize that there is a creator (God) that made all that...FOR ME. For everyone, yes...but I like to think that He took His time with certain things...a lot of things, really...because He know that it would make one of His children smile...me. At least that is MY belief. 

Yes, the times right now are uncertain. Yes, the times right now are tough, and sometimes...well, a lot of times, I just feel why?! What's the point? But I know, I know that there is an end. And no matter how lonely I feel, no matter how I feel like I'm alone in my struggles, no matter how tough it all is...the moon and the sun will always rise and fall, no matter who is watching it...it just does. And the God who created them loved me enough to know...that in my darkness, I would need light. And my heart is filled one more time.

The full moon over the Olomanas.

May the "Fourth" be with you.

May the “fourth” be with you. Haha! I had to say it! I mean, it is the day, right?! I’m not even a fan of Star Wars…but I know it…so that is there for all my Star War fans out there. Not that I’m saying that I even have any fans. *laughs*

Well, we have opened up the preschool again for essential worker’s children. But so few are coming in that we have scheduled times to come into school to watch the two children who come in. Today is not my day, but I am here at the school right now, sitting in my classroom, because there is internet here…and I need the internet. Plus, we have decided that in two weeks, since we are closed for the rest of the school year to our school ohana (basically those who are not essential worker’s children), we will do a drive by goodbye. Where our school ohana will drive by in the parking lot, and we will give them their belongings that they have left in the classroom and end of the year gifts and what not and say goodbye.

It makes my heart hurt. And I am not even lying about it…it really does. I miss “my” preschool keiki. I miss them so much. They have been the constant in my life for the last 9 years and this is the longest that I have gone without them. Yeah, I have taken vacation time - 3 weeks at the most when I went to the Philippines for Christmas/New Years a few years back, but this is going on longer than three weeks now.

I will be the first to admit, I do not know what it is like to be a parent. I only know what it’s like to be a teacher and an auntie (a kicka$$ auntie, if I do say so myself!) And as a teacher and an auntie, I miss my littles so much. Like, I mentioned, they have been a constant in my life and I worry and think and love and everything them. They are not mine…but they are “mine.” One thing that I like about living and teaching here in Hawai’i, is that you are “auntie” to everyone younger than you. My keiki have the chose to call me Ms. Charity or Auntie Charity…and no one bats an eye at it. And for the most part my preschool family treat ME like family…hence the term “school ohana”. Not only that, but my co-workers…yeah, I work at one of the best schools ever (am I biased, not really…maybe a little), but I am not joking…we are all like family here. We watch out for each other and have each other’s back. We have this thing that we are always saying, “Family first”….and we live by it. And we are all family. We are all ohana. And I miss them all.

I had…no I HAVE a real awesome group of kids this year. Well, every year I do…and every year I feel like I can’t love any group of kids that I love “this” group of kids…and every year I am wrong. Happily wrong. I love every child that walks through my door. That walks through the gates of my school. Who am I kidding…I have a soft spot with it comes to the early childhood years. I adore the 2 year-olds. One of my pet peeves is when I hear the term “terrible twos”; I hate that term…I lovingly say “terrific twos.” Again, I am saying this with a teacher/auntie point of view. As a parents, I might see things a little bit more different. But for now that that is how I see it.

I personally think it’s because I CHOOSE to be with that age. If I HAD to choose an age group to work with it would be the older 3-younger 4’s…but I do have love the 2 year-old age. Don’t get me wrong…they are at that “I want my independence!” stage and they will test your every boundary and push your every button you have and/or didn’t realize you had. They will cry for no apparent reason and they will stubbornly tune you out…ever heard of selective hearing?! Yes, try saying, “do you want candy” to a child who chooses to “hear” you and watch how fast they come running. You can accurately compare their attention span to that of a goldfish and get ready for one volume and one volume only. All day long. All 14 little ones. And in that one volume…oh, did I mention that volume is loud. Just loud…not soft loud, not medium loud, not extremely loud….just loud. But yes, in that loud volume of voice they will ALL talk to you at the same time. And they act as if they can’t hear each other talking…they just talk and except you to hear them. All. At. The. Same. Time. And you know what? You learn how to do that. You learn how to make each child feel like they are listened to and you slowly teach them to stop and listen to each other by echoing what each child says and asking that child what they thought of that. And you slowly realize that in the middle of all the noise, the mess, the constant stories, the cries…and the potty training…you love what you do.

I mean, at least I did. I do. I miss it. It’s been so long since I was in the middle of that “glorious” chaos. Did I think that it was “glorious” at that time, no. Do I miss the random cries, the sudden tantrums, the constant sound of loud, no…and yet, yes. What I miss the most is the hugs, and yes, the stories. I miss the cuddles and the random checking in from my littles. I miss the little hand that grabs onto mine and the arms that encircle my leg. I miss the rarity of an empty lap and the random “bop” on the nose. I miss the yells of excitement when a child’s favorite song comes up on the playlist (yes, I have music CONSTATNLY playing in my classroom), the random “epic dance parties” we would have, and how when they heard a specific song they knew to lay down and have a quiet moment. I miss doing my laundry and finding a random rock, dried flower, browning leaf or some trinket in my pocket, gift by a little one. I miss all the flowers the children would pick (we are blessed to have our preschool located where there are several plumeria trees and flowers everywhere!) and I miss the feel of a child pulling my hand to an open area of the playground so we can dance to whatever song that is playing. I miss hearing the children’s voices as they sing “Into the Unknoooooown! Into the unknooooooown!” for the millionth time. I miss having the children run up to me and spin in circles to show of their beautiful outfits and them yelling out, “watch this! Watch how fast I can run! Watch this!” I miss it all.

I miss when my littles would excitedly wait their turn to call out an animal for me to sing about so they can dance. I miss the little voice that says, “lavish me, aunty” (what they say when they want a cuddle). I miss looking over to the multiple fishtanks I have in my classroom to see the children talking to the fish and telling them stories. I miss how they have their own table to eat lunch at, but they still want to eat at the “big table” where their feet can’t even touch the ground, just so they can have lunch next to me. I miss the “torpedo” hugs…(you know that hug, that hug where the child locks in on you from across the way and nothing can get in his/her way as they barrel past everything and everyone just to explode into you for that hug that just so wanted at that very specific time.), and shockingly enough, I miss the fact that whenever I had to go to the bathroom I had an entourage that I would MAKE stay at the door and I had to talk to them and sing to them the whole time least they check under the stall to make sure I was still there.

I miss them. I miss my littles. I miss my keiki.

And I hope and pray that they are okay. I hope and pray that they know that I miss them. I hope and pray that they know that I love them.

Aloha!

A piece I created to remind myself that "Good things will happen, love is real, and WE WILL BE OKAY."

I am blessed.

Broad Tip Crayola Markers in Black, Blue, Pink, and Green & Uniball Signo Angelic Colour in White

These past couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Extremely proud of our preschool graduates (some of the those graduating where some of my first students as a 2-3 year old teacher in my current school!), sad to see them go, sad to see some of my keiki go (they will be moving off island), super happy since I have some former students returning to me, super excited because my RocketGirl is walking now, super happy because my DollGirl got the Best Sportsmanship/Athletic Award in Kindergarten, that same DollGirl graduating from Kindergarten (what is she really a 1st grader now?!), My GemmaDoll is starting to smile a LOT now, my KaiBoy talks and talks and talks and talks...and I LOVE IT! Super happy and excited that my good friend is getting married this weekend! I am overwhelming sad when I think about my parents leaving in a less than two weeks. And I could go on and on and on and on. 

When I start feeling overwhelmed by emotions, I try my best to stop and think just how blessed I am. And I am blessed.

I am blessed:
My ohana. My friends. My job. My co-workers. I live in Hawai'i. I live in Lanikai. I am able to paint. Letter. Create. I get to see the beautiful sunrise every morning: beach side! I can smell the ocean breeze. Flowers. Cinnamon bread. Ripe Mango. I can walk/run the shoreline. Swim in the ocean. Blue skies. I can feel. A puppy's fur, My uke strings. My soft blankets. I have my Gummies and DollGirls. I have a TV. Netflix (Currently have a Nature Documentary playing. Chasing Monsters. Yeah, I'm a sucker for fish!) My FishBabies: Morning Star, Sir Jupiter, Rainbow Frost, Raspberry, Blueberry, Medusa, all my little fishes in TankTown.

Yes, I can go on and on; I should write a book! *laughs* But yes, on these rough days when I just can't find a reason to smile, I just think of all the reasons why I am blessed and just writing them down makes me smile. And if  I smile once today, it was a successful day.

Kuretake Zig Fudebiyori Brush Pen & Sakura's Gelly Roll Metallic Pen in XPGB-M #356

And I have to remember that whenever my life isn't going so "smooth"..."A smooth sea never made a skilled mermaid."

Kuretake Fudebiyori Brush Pen in CBK-55-025 & Uni-ball Signo Angelic Colour in White