Random Thoughts

Wow, so that was close! This whole week the whole of Hawai’i was living in anticipation of Hurricane Lane. Just last night it was reported that it took a hard turn left at the last possible second and is just missing us here in Oahu. Wow, prayers really do work. Not that I had any doubt that it would…but it just goes on to prove that with a lot of prayer and a lot of faith, miracles can happen. Now I am not trying to preach that everything will be solved through prayer or something…I know that there are times where you pray and pray for something to happen and then the opposite happens.

I have been reeling from that these past couple of days…more like months. This year, so far, has been an eye-opening one for me. Starting from the very beginning but more so in the month of May. It is only just now that things FEEL like they are finally settling down…but no lie, I still come home feeling exhausted from the persona I am trying to keep up. The persona that I am okay when I’m really not. Oh okay, now I am being a bit dramatic. I know that I am okay…I know that I WILL be okay…but something is missing…and I know what that is.

You know how there are moments in your life where you are just comfortable. Where you are just cruising and just staying under the radar living your life…and then something happens that shakes you. It starts out small and then it just escalates faster and faster until you feel like you are just going to burst because that cocoon that you so painstakingly built to protect your heart breaks and it’s just through shear strength and will-power that you just continue on telling yourself that you are NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE UP. Yes, that is me.

What is anchoring me right now is my job. Although several things at my job has changed (and they were not small changes either), I have confidence in my teaching abilities that it is the one thing that is constant while my personal life is in the middle of an earthquake. This was the first year that I wasn’t super nervous on the first day of school or at open house…and I think the reason why is because I have been teaching long enough to know that it’s going to be okay. My life is going topsy-turvy, but my classroom is my anchor. Not only that, but my love for teaching and the passion to reach these children coupled with the trust that the parents are giving me gives me the strength to tackle my shifting ground. I don’t know if that makes any sense right now…but all I know is that it’s my job as a teacher that is saving me right now. (Which is another reason why I will always strongly encourage you to find a job that you love and are passionate about.)

Yes, the news of this Hurricane fast approaching was scary…but the most I was worried about was the fact that I wasn’t all too scared. I was worried…because I did have my craft room outside in the open and I didn’t want all my stuff to blow away, but I was also not that worried. Did I prepare for this impending doom? Yes, I had filled all my water bottles up with filtered water and several jars of water as well sit on my counter…just in-case. I am only one person, so I knew I didn’t need that much food…and so I didn’t go all out stocking on food. But I also knew that for the most part I was going to be safe. In all that was going on in my life…it couldn’t get that much worse. I mean, this year started out with a warning that a “ballistic missile was on it’s way to Hawai’i…THIS IS NOT A DRILL”…like I said, it could be a lot worse.

I am NOT brushing the fact that hurricanes can do a lot of damage. Big Island got hit hard and so did Maui…so my thoughts and prayers go out to them. And if the hurricane did come…it would have been real bad, so I am very thankful that it just missed us. Very thankful. 

But I had a lot of time by myself, contemplating life. School was called off Thursday and Friday to prepare for the hurricane and to stay safe…in those two days I was able to 90% finish unpacking my things in my studio and get things where I wanted them to go. I was also able to catch up on some reading, letter writing, blog posting, and sleep (if only my craft room was set up and my paints where out, that was what I had wanted to do!)…but I was also doing some soul searching.

As I was thinking about life and trying to make some sense of it…I realized there was a prayer answered that I never even thougth to pray. Well, in a way I did…I always pray to stay safe…and God made me realize in one way that He was looking out. I use to live next to the beach. I mean, it was right there where I could sleep to the crashing of the waves…but things happened and I chose to move towards the mountains. If I was living where I was living when this hurricane scare happened, things would have been pandemonium. Although the place was a place that I needed when I needed it, it was not the most secure place. It was in an older house,  right next to the beach. My windows were stuck in the open position and the walls where water soaked. Mold was growing from the ceiling because of a leak in the roof and each day the walls were closing in on me. It was tiny. Earlier this year we had a pretty bad storm and my whole room got soaking wet. Since I wasn’t able to close the windows, a lot of my things from wall to wall got soaked and the wall looked like it was going to crash any minute from the water load it was accumulating...all that from just a storm...now a hurricane...hmmm. So, it was good that I moved. I do miss being able to go to the beach a walk down the driveway…but where I am now I am so much more happier. It’s secluded and secure. I feel safe here and I just feel like it’s a better fit for me overall.

So even though I know some people don’t like the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason” comes to mind at times like this. Sometimes it might not be for a good reason, sometimes we won’t see that reason until years and years down the road…and even other times where you won’t ever see the reason in your lifetime…but everything does happen for a reason.

The hurricane didn’t hit…it downgraded to a tropical storm…but I have yet to experience anything other than some “normal” showers and wind.  I do pray for those that did get hit and I do pray for Big Island, Maui and all those little island that were hit, but I also pray for me…for me to find that inner strength to carry on without having to “fake it until I make it.”

Early morning Hawaiian Sunrise PC: myself

End of the Month Reflections.

The end of the month is here, and I'm still standing tall. I still have my moments where I feel like I just don't want to go on, but each day is getting easier. I mean, I'm still not out of chaos just yet, but the sight of all this craziness is ending is becoming more and more clearer. In a few days I will be able to move into my new place at the beautiful horse ranch and I am both looking forward to that and also dreading it. I am looking forward to a place where I can call my own and just NOT have to live out of a suitcase, but I am dreading the moving process. I have been in the moving limbo for two months now, and I just want it to end.

Koi Watercolor Brush Pens in Black and Blue & Uni-Ball Signo Angelic Colour in White

This summer has been rough. No lie. Things have definitely slowed down, but  I am still reeling for the fact my sister isn't nearby any longer. I miss her. I miss her family. I miss them something so achingly bad...but our ohana bond is so strong that I have no doubt that we will get through this. But I still pray that they will one day (sooner, rather than later) move back here to Hawai'i...and that we can all be happy. That is what I wish for.

Moving out of my beach studio was bittersweet. I hate how things ended with my landlady, but it has taught me several things in life. One being that your landlady is your landlady...nothing else, nothing more. I made her into a friend and treated her as such and so when it was time for me to make the decision to move out, she refused to discuss it thus forcing my hand to give her my notice to move out. But what hurt the most was the fact that she ghosted me (and my family) soon afterwards. I did my best to treat her the way that I wanted to be treated, and got hurt in the process...but at least when I look back at our relationship, I could say that I did my best to stay her friend. I did nothing wrong. And as of now (well, when I did my final walk-through) I washed my hands of her. Don't get me wrong, though, if there comes a time where she needs help and she calls me, I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way, but I will help her if I can. Just like I would do for anyone...but I feel as if our relationship that we had was damaged irreparably, however I choose to remember my three years living there as a bittersweet memory. The time I lived by the ocean.

Lanikai Studio

Since my [ex] landlady made me feel unwelcomed the moment I was forced to give her my termination of leave I had to move my things out in a rush and I was so blessed that my parents were still here. They along with my brother-in-law and friends help me move out 98% of my belongings in 3 days. The 2% rest of my belongings were moved out by my brothers on the 4th of July. And I was able to help my sister move her house. One week from the official announcement that my brotherIL took the job offer on the mainland we had one week to pack up the house into the shipping container. That was crazy! But we did it and then on July 10 we did the hard thing and walked away from their house. More like drove away to the airport...but that was hard. No lie. That was hard. It was a lot harder leaving that place than it was leaving the Lanikai Studio, only because I knew as we walked away we were ending a chapter in our lives and beginning a new one.

Empty House

I remember when my sister was in the process of moving into this house. We were so excited that they were moving closer to my brother and I and she was excited that she was going to have her dream kitchen. My brotherIL remodeled this house and worked hard on it. They lived here for about 2 years and in those two years so many memories were made. So many memories. From countless Sunday brunches, to holiday parties, craft parties, heavenly smells of rosemary and cinnamon swirl bread, playing in the water sprinkles and pool with the kiddos, dessert parties, bread bowl dinners, coloring with the kids, making a mess on the kitchen table with crafts, painting in the backyard, DollGirl rope climbing, walking around the block, the mo'o rock, swinging in the hammock, the tree house my daddy built for the keiki, late night talks with my sister, moving watching with my brotherIL, sleepovers...and more and many more memories.

Tree house at my sister's house built by my Daddy

Yes, it has been tough without them. And I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

Broad Tip Crayola Marker In Black and Red

But I decided that I NEEDED to go with them when they flew over to California for the final time (well, definitely NOT the final time...they will be back! I am sure of it!). That journey was a moment of it's own! I am so proud of the kiddos! They did so well! But for some reason out plane seats had changed and I was sitting super far from them! They were on one side of the airplane and I was on the other! We had reserved seats where I was with the two older keiki and my sister and brotherIL were with the youngest one and we were all in one row (with the aisle between us). But the steward said that they had switched airplanes the last minute and so now they were all sitting together and I wasn't. But since the flight was about 5 and some hours we switched seats throughout the flight so that we each could get some sleep, because in the last couple of weeks we ALL didn't get much sleep with the crazy move. And after some setbacks and unexpected happenings we were on the way to my sister's new place.

My airplane window view of San Francisco

I grew up there. Northern California is my childhood home and it felt good to be back. It was another moment of bittersweet feelings, because yes, I felt good being back to my old stomping grounds, but no because it's my childhood home, not my adult home and I didn't want to leave my family here.

But I am not going to lie. It's beautiful there. It has always been beautiful there. And is still one of my favorite places to experience fall. While there I helped my nieces and nephew get to know their new home, I helped my sister come to terms with her new home and I was fortunate enough to be able to help my brotherIL with unloading the shipping container when it arrived.  I was glad that I was there when it arrived. That helped make the new house a home. One thing that I really liked  was the sunset. I had forgotten just how breathtaking they were there...simply amazing.

Northern California Sunset

I think every evening that I was there, God displayed his best sunset masterpiece! The sky was a glorious color and the clouds were so fun to watch! It was beautiful! The place that they have surrounding them is also so beautiful. Most definitely different from Hawai'i, but beautiful on it's own.

Path walking down to the river

The amazing open nature around them

Just walking around with the keiki made me remember all the fun times I had growing up here chasing lizards and taking our bikes out to explore! I remember all the times we went camping and went to the river to play! The river...oh man, it was a blast from the past to be in the river again!

Russian River

Oh mandope! This river...the memories this river holds! I use to camp alongside this river...and we would go intertubing down it and skip countless rocks and catch tadpoles and we would find the dry river beds and explore them, I even remember attempting to "run away" with my friend at this river...oh the memories!! It was real fun bringing the keiki here and telling them stories of all the fun that I had at this river growing up. I was able to walk in the river with them and look for heart shaped rocks and that was a lot of fun.

I took the kids out for lots of walks while  I was there. No lie though, the dry heat was something I had forgotten about! It was pretty crazy hot...during the day and at night it was cold...really cold. And the days were mad long...and so that was hard for the kids to get used to. I still don't think that they are used to it. But I know that they will eventually get used to it. While walking there I had to tell myself NOT to compare it to Hawai'i, because our walks were a lot different than it was here. But they were always an adventure.

Going on walks with the keiki under the blazing, hot, DRY sun!

My last day there was crazy. First, the jeep my sister was driving broke down, not once, not twice, but THREE times...she had my nephew with her and I had the two girlies...and it was hot. Second, as soon as my sister got home and had lunch with the boyo, I took the kids out for a walk and nearly walked into a rattlesnake! My nephew actually had jumped over and my baby niece (who just turned one and still toddling around) nearly walked on it! God was watching out for sure and our guardians angels were working overtime at that time, for sure! But I was super proud of my niece and nephew. When I told them to freeze and DO NOT MOVE they listened so well. I told them there is a snake RIGHT THERE (about two feet in front of me laying between us) and to not move at all. I had picked up my baby niece and just assessed the situation. But like I said, our guardian angels were really watching out for us because I was able to give them directions to walk slowing towards me and we were able to slowly back off and go back to the house. (And being the crazy one, I had to go back to take a picture, I couldn't figure out why it wasn't rattling and/or moving!) God was on our side because we believe that it had JUST consumed a meal and was laying lethargically across the way because a few minutes my brotherIL came (after I sent him a picture) and his co-worker was able to find it and dispose of it our of harms way, for us and for it. Quite an adventure, ya?!

Our encounter with the rattlesnake!

My last day there was hard. It was super hard. I didn't want to leave them in the morning. I didn't want my nieces and nephew to wake up in the morning with me gone. I didn't want to wake up early to catch the early morning flight. I didn't was to have to say goodbye to my sister. I didn't want to. I didn't want to at all. My sister made my favorite vegeburgers for dinner and we sat outside enjoying the setting sun.

My last sunset in California before heading home to Hawai'i

I stayed up a bit longer with the kids and danced with them and read them story after story, gave them countless hugs and kisses and with a bubble in my throat explained to them repeatedly that I was going home to Hawai'i early in the morning so when they woke up I wouldn't be there. And then I walked into my sister's room and held her as she held the baby and cried and cried and cried. It was hard and I hated it.

Broad Tip Crayola Markers in Green and Black

Looking back at it now I'm glad that I was there for my sister and that she was there for me. I think that it would have been a lot harder if I didn't go and we didn't have the last minute closure. I mean, no matter what we would be sister. No matter what my family will always be there for each other. No matter what we are family. It's just a transition that we both didn't want to have to go through. We will make it work out. I will still be in their lives and they will still be in my life, its just going to be a bit different now. Instead of just driving over to hang out...I will be taking more plane rides to "hang out". And right before I left I booked my next flight coming back. That made it a little bit more easier leaving in the morning, I think.

I do have to say though the flight home was one of my favorites. I had an awesome seat mean who was on her way home to Australia. She was originally from Scotsland and then she moved to London and then to Australia...and she was coming back from visiting her sister in California and we shared stories of our home and growing up. She was someone that I believed that God put in my life at the right moment when I needed someone to distract my mind from the fact that I was leaving my family. It was a good flight and when I saw O'ahu my soul breathed a sigh of relief at being home once again. My heart is in my California and my soul is in Hawai'i.

O'ahu, Hawai'i from my plane seat window. Home.

Hawai'i is my home and my sisterIL was there to pick me up from the airport. This month was a roller coaster of emotions...and I am looking forward to that day when I can get up and feel like it's going to be alright once more.

Waimanalo, O'ahu, Hawai'i Sunset

10 days...again.

I am a lover and keeper of quotes. I like to scour the internet, books, magazines, posts and what not to find beautiful words put together to create meaning. One quote that always stops me in my tracks is the wise words of Buddha,

"The trouble is, you think you have time."

There are many, many quotes about time. In fact, on the daily, I have caught myself talking about time, "I'm trying to kill some time...", "Time flies when your having fun!," "Time is SO dragging right now!," 'Wait, I need some more time!"...and so on and so forth. But the reason why Buddha's words really hit me is because, that "you" he is talking about, can very well be me he's talking about. "The trouble is, I think I have time..." But I don't. I feel like as if, right now, I am living by 10 days countdowns.

When this year started, I would have never in my wildest dreams even had an inkling that everything would be crashing down in the middle of the year. This time eight years ago this same thing happened. The only difference is now that it's happening again, I know that I can get through it. The first time it happened, oh wow, it took all my strength and will-power to go through each day with a smile on my face. It. Was. Hard. But I did it. I did it slowly. With the help, love, and support of my family. I did it. And what kills me is that it wasn't until maybe two years ago when I thought, wow! I made it! I got through that tough time and I made it. Eight years later, and it's happening again. I hate it.

I still have the help, love, and support of my family. Seriously, I really don't know where I would be without them. Everything is crashing around me, and right now what's keeping me going is the fact that I did it once, I can do it again. But I don't want to! I don't want to go through with it again...but now I have 4 little reasons why I can't just give up and give in. Those 4 reasons are my 3 nieces and my nephew. I love them. And for right now, I will try my best to remain positive through it all for them. I can't really think of myself right now, because I feel like when I do, I just don't want to, but for them, and because I have a wonderful support group with my family and friends, I WILL GET THROUGH THIS.

I moved here 8 years ago so that I can stay with my family. I had just gotten back from being abroad for about 6 years and when I came back, a few months later, my parents decided to go and be missionaries at the same place where I was alone for 6 years! That threw me for a loop...and then my sister announced that she was moving back to Hawai'i (we were in California at the time)...and brother was going with her...shoots, I didn't want to stay behind so I came with them. I thought that I was only going to stay here in Hawai'i for about 2 years, heal, and then go back to my comfort zone in California...and then my sister got pregnant and there was no way I was going to leave. So I stayed. And I ended up opening my heart to this beautiful place and I can now call this place home. Hawai'i is my home and I love it here. I love my job. I love my friends. I love my family...here. I want them to stay here.

My parents left the day after my birthday. That was hard. They were here for about a year and they are finishing up their time "home" in California before going back in the mission field. I miss them. And 10 days starting today, my sister and her family will be moving back to California. And my world is crashing around me.

It's happening so fast. One month ago, there was no thought of anyone moving back to the mainland. I already knew that my parents were going to leave and I had already psyched myself up to the moment that we would say goodbye. It was as hard as ever to say bye to them, but I already have plans to go visit them later this year...so that made it only slightly easier (like not even a little bit!) to say goodbye to them. And then I was hit with the news that my sister (along with my brother-in-law and 2 of my nieces and my nephew!) will be moving back "in three weeks." Those three weeks is now down to "in 10 days...".

On top of that, I made the hard decision to move from my studio next to the ocean to a beautiful horse ranch a few minute walk from where my sister lives to be closer to them (and also because I wanted...needed...a bigger place)...and my (soon-to-be ex) landlady is "disappointed" in me and has given me the cold shoulder. I wouldn't have cared less except for the fact that the three years that we lived together, were got super close...and she didn't even give me the chance to explain why I made that decision. (I'm sorry, 224 sq. feet sudio was NOT happening anymore!)

So my life right now has been crazy. I moved out of my studio in about 3 days (I still have some stuff there...I technically have the place until July 09), moved into my sister spare room for the time being to help them with packing their things...they had about a week or so to pack (their shipping container will be heading off to California tomorrow), I will initially go with them to California to help them settle, I will come back to Hawai'i and move into my brother's house for a week or two and then I will finally be able to take my things out of storage and move into my new place--a place that I thought would only be a few minutes walk from my sister and is now a plane ride away. (No regrets, the place is beautiful! And I firmly believe, God-given.)

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Hurt.

These past few days have been super crazy, busy, chaotic, crazy, emotional, exhausting, crazy, confusing, hurtful, extreme sadness...oh and did I mention crazy? Oh my days, has it been crazy or what?!

I don't even know where to begin. Well, let me just start with what has been on my mind lately.

Friendship. More importantly, what does it mean to be a friend? I have come to realize that my definition of friend can vary from another's definition of what a friend is. Over these past few days I have strengthen my relationships with some friends and (unwillingly) broken others. I have made new friends and caught up with past friends. I have said goodbye to friends and have had deep conversations with other friends.

But the relationship that I have on my mind at the moment is the relationship that I have with my (soon-to-be ex) landlady. I moved into my studio a few years ago, a little over 3 years. In those three years I had gotten close with her and our relationship had blossomed into comfort with each other. I saw her as a mentor and she would advise me on thing as she would her daughter (her words). But just recently all that has change with my choice to move out. It was a real hard decision and it was one I did not take lightly. In-fact, I had just wanted to talk to her about it before confirming my decision, however the moment she realized what I wanted to do, she became petty.

At first she expressed her desire for me to stay on as her tenet, but I felt like I needed a bigger place with more storage room (this place I am renting from her is a 234 sq. feet studio with limited storage space) I also felt as if I wanted a place where it had an actual kitchen and the front door didn't open up to the bathroom. I wanted a kitchen sink. At least a second sink...washing the dishes in my bathroom sink was getting old (when I first moved in, she did mention putting in a bigger sink, but that was it, no action.) But a lot of factors were put into consideration when I decided to move.

On the top and in bold in my "Pro" list was my friendship with my landlady. But what hurts is the fact that she grew instantly cold towards me because of my decision. I have been blind-sided by her frostiness towards me and it sucks, no lie. I feel like above all that has been happening in my life, I didn't expect to have this much DRAMA with moving out. I didn't even want to move out, but I was thinking about "the long run," and my current situation.

I feel as if the older I become (what?! My birthday is coming up?! Ahhh!!!) the more picky I have become when calling someone my friend. I am a friend to all, and I try to live my life by the golden rule...but when it comes to adding a person into my circle of friendship, I am more selective. Why? Because I love and care too much. And I realize that I hurt, I hurt something real bad when things go south with a friendship. Oh okay, I know that I'm no one special...EVERYONE hurts when betrayal happens, but this is the way that I protect myself. (Shoots, I believe I'm boarder-line hermit!!)

Too much change in such a short time forces me to grasp on something stable. Something like friendship...you would HOPE that friendship is a stable thing...and when it's not, it spirals out into negativity and I want to distance myself from that. But it still hurts. So now, instead on trying to spend meaningful time with my parents before they leave for an undisclosed amount of time, I am forced to move all my stuff and (technically, but not technically) become house-less for a time being. Technically, I have the studio until July 09, but it's very uncomfortable living somewhere where you no longer feel safe and welcomed. 

All I can say is karma. Karma will come around and she will treat you the way you treat others. Karma can be can be a bitch or she can be friend, so with all this, I am still going to be me. I have a hard time being mean and petty...so I will continue to be nice and I will continue to be a friend to all. And in the days ahead, she (my soon-to-be landlady) will not be able to say anything bad about me, save the fact that I have chosen to look out for myself and move out and continue with this new transition in my life (something she is not supportive of.)

"Never wish them pain. That's not who you are. If they caused you pain, they must have pain inside. Wish them healing. That's what they need."-Najwa Zebian

10 Days.

Ohuhu Watercolor Paints & Kuretake Zig Metallic Brush Pen in Silver & Tombow Mono Drawing Pen 0.1

10 days. I can't help myself but do a mental countdown to the extreme sadness of my parents leaving. I am always so grateful when they can come and spend some times with us after being away for so long...but that's the life of a missionary. When you have this calling from God to go...you go. And that's the calling that my parents have. They are missionaries and they help so many people get to know our Creator...and I am so happy that they do. But I am so sad when it is time for me to say goodbye.

Although, they are not going straight back to the Philippines (they will be going to see other family across the water), it is a goodbye for me and my siblings because we will not see them again until they return in a few years. Now until then it will only be a few phone calls, some chance skype chatting/viewing, but other than that the reception is so bad we can only hope and pray that they are okay. I guess that is where faith and trust come in. But no lie, it is hard.

Kuretake Zig Fudebiyori Brush Pen in CBK-55-032 & Uni-Ball Signo Angelic Colour in White

They came here about a year ago, and they were suppose to return back to the Philippines in December, but they stayed on longer because my brother and his wife got pregnant! A lot happened in the year that they were here. Namely, our family grew by two adorable baby girls. And I couldn't be more happier. They are both my heart. But now it's time to say goodbye to Lola and Lolo and my heart is heavy.

I didn't get to spend as much time with them this time around. They mainly came here to help out with my sister and her new baby and then when my brother them had their baby, to help around with them. It that is good. I'm glad that they were able to spend time with their new gradbabies...and I know that its' going to be hard for them to say goodbye to them. My sister's babygirl, especially, is super close to my parents. And it really does sound like she says "lolo" and "lola" when she calls out to them. As much as I know that she is going to miss them, my parents are going to miss the little ones as well. I mean, I am so thankful that we have the internet and we have these messaging apps (Skype, Viber, etc.) that assists in keeping in touch with my parents, but it's not the same.

Kuretake Zig Fudebiyori Brush Pen in CBK-55-040 & Uni-Ball Signo Angelic Colour Gel Pen in White 

& Bianyo Micron Pen 0.6

I wish they would stay.

But I would NEVER hold anyone back from what their calling is. Never.

It's hard though...and as I write this, I am tearing up just thinking about it. I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want my parents to leave. I don't want to wonder every day if they are okay. I don't want them to go. But just the way they let us live our lives, I am going to let them live theirs and have faith that we will see each other again.

But 10 days. We have 10 more days together.

Broad Tip Crayola Marker in Orange

I am blessed.

Broad Tip Crayola Markers in Black, Blue, Pink, and Green & Uniball Signo Angelic Colour in White

These past couple of days have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Extremely proud of our preschool graduates (some of the those graduating where some of my first students as a 2-3 year old teacher in my current school!), sad to see them go, sad to see some of my keiki go (they will be moving off island), super happy since I have some former students returning to me, super excited because my RocketGirl is walking now, super happy because my DollGirl got the Best Sportsmanship/Athletic Award in Kindergarten, that same DollGirl graduating from Kindergarten (what is she really a 1st grader now?!), My GemmaDoll is starting to smile a LOT now, my KaiBoy talks and talks and talks and talks...and I LOVE IT! Super happy and excited that my good friend is getting married this weekend! I am overwhelming sad when I think about my parents leaving in a less than two weeks. And I could go on and on and on and on. 

When I start feeling overwhelmed by emotions, I try my best to stop and think just how blessed I am. And I am blessed.

I am blessed:
My ohana. My friends. My job. My co-workers. I live in Hawai'i. I live in Lanikai. I am able to paint. Letter. Create. I get to see the beautiful sunrise every morning: beach side! I can smell the ocean breeze. Flowers. Cinnamon bread. Ripe Mango. I can walk/run the shoreline. Swim in the ocean. Blue skies. I can feel. A puppy's fur, My uke strings. My soft blankets. I have my Gummies and DollGirls. I have a TV. Netflix (Currently have a Nature Documentary playing. Chasing Monsters. Yeah, I'm a sucker for fish!) My FishBabies: Morning Star, Sir Jupiter, Rainbow Frost, Raspberry, Blueberry, Medusa, all my little fishes in TankTown.

Yes, I can go on and on; I should write a book! *laughs* But yes, on these rough days when I just can't find a reason to smile, I just think of all the reasons why I am blessed and just writing them down makes me smile. And if  I smile once today, it was a successful day.

Kuretake Zig Fudebiyori Brush Pen & Sakura's Gelly Roll Metallic Pen in XPGB-M #356

And I have to remember that whenever my life isn't going so "smooth"..."A smooth sea never made a skilled mermaid."

Kuretake Fudebiyori Brush Pen in CBK-55-025 & Uni-ball Signo Angelic Colour in White

Goodbye, Hello.

Who knew that goodbyes can be so draining. Emotionally draining. Mentally draining. Physically draining. Just draining of your soul and happiness. At least, to me, that is what it seems. The first two rounds of goodbyes in this month of goodbyes have happened, and yes, it was just as hard as I remembered and dreaded.

As a teacher, whenever the month of May rolls around, you already know that emotions will be flying here and there and everywhere. Not only is it the end of the school year, but it's also a time of "last minute things." This year the end of the year came out of nowhere. I mean, I was aware that it was coming up, and then BAM it was there!

The goodbyes started early this year. Way before the official last day of the year. In the school that I work at, we have a lot of military families...and we had a lot of families this year that were stationed at a new place before the end of the year. I will forever respect and pray for all military family...whether they are currently in the military or if they once were. As much as I dread saying goodbye to my families at the end of the year...these families have said goodbye to a life that they created in one place to move to another. That is hard...and yet, they still do it for the love of our country...and I appreciate, respect, and admire these families. (Thank you, with deep respect, thank you.)

Every year I tell myself, Charity, there is no need to cry when you say goodbye, but every year the tears flow. It's the parents that get me. At the end the school year, I have the parents coming up to me with tears in their eyes as they thank me for helping their child develop and discover new things about the earth around them. We talk story about WOW how their child has grown from the first day they walked through my door until now, not only are they taller and more mobile, but how they are more confident, more curious, and more verbal. We talk about how independent they are and how they have grown to have such wonderful, unique personalities. And being a 2-3 year old teacher, one thing that we talk about is how they are finally potty-trained and able to use their words more. They thank me for all of this, but it wasn't only me. I thank THEM for their patience with me, their trust in me, for inviting me into their families to become an "Auntie/Teacher" to their child. I am forever grateful for their trust and open arms. We did it together...with the help of each other. There is no doubt in my mind that I could have done any of that by myself.

This year (and for all the years that I have taught so far!) I had such awesome parents that liked to be involved with what we did in school. I felt like I had a wonderful relationship with "my" school ohana; we had open communication all around and although this year started with a lot of criers, it ended with tears of happiness and accomplishment. And it is because of the close relationship that I had developed with each family over the bond of love and respect for their child that made it hard to say goodbye to them at the end of the school year.

Now with the majority of my keiki gone, yet with some returning for the summer, I have a "new" class. A new class with a different dynamic of personalities and minds. Today is only the 2nd day of our summer program, but I can tell already that it's going to be full of laughs, fun, dancing, singing, exploring, and running around in the sprinklers! I usually have a smaller group for the summer, that this year it's no different. I have joined up with two other classes to make things more interesting and fun. But on our own, in my own class...we laugh, we dance, we are ohana.

Hello March

Hello March! I can't believe how fast this year is going! I seriously feel like I blinked and 1/4 of the year past! But Christmas break is long gone and I have survived this far...and I am so looking forward to Spring break in a week or so!

Work/School is going...going...going...well. I have finally gotten all the keiki where I wished that they could have been 2-4 weeks from the beginning of the school year. I think this is the first time I have worked with the younger 2..some starting on their birthday. And I have to say that it was rather difficult (with this age group) when a child started, since all they would do is cry, cry cry. And when I finally got that child settled, another child would start at a later date, and the whole crying process would start all over again. Which is what happened this year. I had children starting as late as November...and another one that started this past FEBRUARY! It was hard only because the whole dynamics changed in the class and I had to work real hard to get it back to where the children were wanting to learn, instead of trying to grasp to the newness of something...new. But wow, I made it...and I am still loving it, that's for sure! I love my keiki; I love what I do. I love getting to know each child individually and as a group. Each year is different...my goodness, each DAY is different and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Now to only try to get the children to stay home when they are sick! I feel like this is a constant battle among teachers...sick children coming to school...spreading their sickness...irritated parents from hearing other children sick and coughing in their child's face...and then having to deal with that as a teacher...who feels like she is now sick from all the sickness spreading around the school. I have never had this many children "allergic" to something. The "reason" why the children come to school with runny noses, coughing, drippy eyes, and a lethargic behavior. "They're not contagious- it's just allergies." But they are STILL leaving a trail of mucus and whatnot where ever they go! But what do I know? They probably do have allergies...

But enough with that. I love my keiki...and I love my class. I love the spontaneous aura I have in my class...the whole "no two days are a like" is so my class. Working with two-year olds is so rewarding because I have the privilege of seeing so much develop in such a short amount of time! A lot of my keiki started not talking...(or speaking in gibberish or "minion-talk"), and now we can talk story for days...and I actually can understand them! I love hearing their thought process, the why of life, and the reason for anything under the sun! I love watching their confidence and self-esteem grow stronger each day and I love seeing "my" little ones start developing ohana feelings for their classmates and for myself. Their attention span is improving...they all love art...and dancing is a must in my class. We have these wonderful impromptu dance/karaoke sessions in my class...and I tell the little ones that as long as they are singing "anything can be a music instrument." They are getting to know the rules to that though...PEOPLE are not drums...and neither are fish tanks. And their little voices singing is so endearing to me! I love how they are in a habit of singing most anything. I love hearing them make up their own lyrics and dancing to their own beat! And I am very impressed with their "clean-up" skills and how they are using their words. They are always game to trying out new things for artwork, exercise movement, activity, and/or circle time.

I was real impressed the other day when we talking about the alphabet. At this age, I don't normally try to teach them letters (we are a more social/behavioral school)...but since our topic for this month is music and literature, I try to introduce to them a letter a day and of course I started with the letter "A." I was telling them that "A" is for alligator and had plans to read the book "There's an Alligator Under My Bed" by Mercer Mayer, pretend we were alligators, had an alligator artwork ready for them...the whole she-bang. But as I drew the letter on the board and said "Okay my friends, "A" is for alligator"...I had a little boy speak up and say, "Aunty, "A" is for Aloha." And he couldn't have been more right! :) We do sing that song:

"A" is for Aloha ("A" is for Aloha)

"L" is for Love ("L" is for Love)

"O" is for Ohana

"H" is for Hawai'i

ALOHA, ALOHA

so, of course...it made my heart smile.



It has been cold, cold, cold lately and a few weeks ago it rained so hard, I thought I was going to get stuck! Where I live there is only one way out on a bridge. If the ocean rises enough from all the rain and floods the bridge (which I am told that it has happened!) Then I guess it's good that I'm so comfortable swimming in the ocean to get to the other side! *laughs* Nah, I have my friends who have boards and boats that could probably get me, OR I just stayed on my side of the bridge and did some artsy stuff while listening to the steady flow of the rain! And since rain doesn't bother me so much, I did walk down to the beach and sat at the shoreline for a bit. I love watching all the moods of the beautiful ocean. Right now it is saying that it is 68degrees. Cold, super cold for Hawai'i. But then then again where my sister lives, I feel like it is much colder than where I would normally be at this moment. At home.

Now, that is another long story. But for short...the heavy rains drove the critters out of their homes and so I have been finding a lot of RATS (which I first thought were mice, but was wrong!) INSIDE MY STUDIO. So until they cease to enter my place I have moved out of my beloved studio and have come to live with my sister for the time being. I do go back to my place every morning to get ready for work and after work I stop by before come here to my sister's only because my landlady is still there (for some reason the rats are finding their way into my studio, but apparently not here house) and I go there to check up on her and make sure she is okay and of course, my fish. I have 6 aquariums with my darling fish, and I have to feed them and make sure to do their water changes when needed. But is has been tiring to say the least. The whole back and forth, back and forth of it all. I am so grateful for my sister and her family for allowing me to stay with them, but I also really, really miss my own space and home. Plus, I feel like it's a LOT colder where my sister live...but it's always so good to be with family. :)

My family is growing...and I couldn't be more happy about that! In the past couple of months I have gained several nieces and nephews some whom I haven't yet met, but still love so very much! My best friend had her baby and I am so looking forward to seeing him in a couple months! All these babies are making me smile! I am so happy that I work at a preschool, because watching the new generation grow and develop is such an awesome feeling! I love being a part of a child's life, helping them learn the skills to get along in life...and just watching their personalities shape into who they are. But my family is everything to me; I love them. I love them all! :)



My family makes me feel blessed and loved. I feel like that there is no stronger bond (other than God's love for us!) than a family bond. I also feel like people can choose who is in their family...so I believe that friends can also be family to you.



I have always loved to paint. That doesn't mean that I am any good by far! But I am choosing to get better so I am doing it more. I love to paint with acrylics, but now I am venturing out of my comfort zone and trying to watercolor paint. So. Much. Different! Wow, it's so different! I like it though. I feel as if it's more soft and challenging. Don't get me wrong painting with acrylics is not an easy thing, but because I don't paint watercolor painting as much it's more of a challenge for me. Lately these "galaxy watercolor" paintings have catching my eye and so I wanted to try them out myself. They are so beautiful and so I tried my hand at it, and even though it looked easier enough to do, it was harder...well, more different than what I was used to. I am also loving all these creative quotes! I made a few of these round galaxy with quotes in them and I have given a few of them out to share. They are a lot of fun to made and look at !



Another thing I have been trying is the pointed pen. Wow, that is fun! I love writing with the pointed pen. I have to hold myself back from buying all the supplies for the pointed pen! I actually have a few material for the pointed pen but when I got the tools that I needed from a new subscription box that I subscribe to (The Inky Box-mini). My sister actually gifted me a 3-month subscription to this box and I couldn't be more happier with it! I might have to continue with this subscription because it introduces me to new ways to letter that I haven't even thought about it! With the pointed pen it's a lot different than the brush pen that I am used to. I like that pointed pen because it does force me to slow down and really thing about each stroke of the pen.



Every day I am trying to post something up on Instagram that makes up my life. Whether that be some lettering that I've done, some artwork that I've painted, my fish (I love to aquascape their homes!), some book I've read, a place that I visited/travelled to, a view that that made me smile, my current planner moment, one of my journal entries...something...anything. It's always fun to look back to see what I've done and it's also a fun way to meet people and get inspiration and tips and other things. (Feel free to follow me! @mylife_oceanstorm)



Before I forget, I wanted to mentioned that in the beginning of the year a celebration of life was held for Legend. I had so many emotions as I was a part of this amazing event. Saddness all around, but happiness and awe to see just how many peoples lives were touched by the 3 life-filled years of this young, precious boy. My friend was able to get this picture of while we were walking back to my place after the event. There were so many people who were brought together to support and encourage and grieve with Legend's parents and sisters. I consider myself blessed to have known this young boy who was taken from us too soon. Legend, my you rest in peace, little one. Can't wait to see you again one day!



Well, hopefully I can be more consistent with my blog entries.  I miss writing them...so I will try my best to find time to write. If not, I will be back...one day. :)

"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a

different person then."

-Lewis Carroll

Alice in Wonderland

Please check me out and follow me on IG: @mylife_oceanstorm