Wow, so that was close! This whole week the whole of Hawai’i
was living in anticipation of Hurricane Lane. Just last night it was reported
that it took a hard turn left at the last possible second and is just missing
us here in Oahu. Wow, prayers really do work. Not that I had any doubt that it
would…but it just goes on to prove that with a lot of prayer and a lot of
faith, miracles can happen. Now I am not trying to preach that everything will
be solved through prayer or something…I know that there are times where you
pray and pray for something to happen and then the opposite happens.
I have been reeling from that these past couple of days…more
like months. This year, so far, has been an eye-opening one for me. Starting
from the very beginning but more so in the month of May. It is only just now
that things FEEL like they are finally settling down…but no lie, I still come
home feeling exhausted from the persona I am trying to keep up. The persona
that I am okay when I’m really not. Oh okay, now I am being a bit dramatic. I
know that I am okay…I know that I WILL be okay…but something is missing…and I
know what that is.
You know how there are moments in your life where you are
just comfortable. Where you are just cruising and just staying under the radar
living your life…and then something happens that shakes you. It starts out small
and then it just escalates faster and faster until you feel like you are just
going to burst because that cocoon that you so painstakingly built to protect your heart breaks and it’s just through shear strength and will-power that you
just continue on telling yourself that you are NOT ALLOWED TO GIVE UP. Yes,
that is me.
What is anchoring me right now is my job. Although several
things at my job has changed (and they were not small changes either), I have
confidence in my teaching abilities that it is the one thing that is constant while
my personal life is in the middle of an earthquake. This was the first year
that I wasn’t super nervous on the first day of school or at open house…and I
think the reason why is because I have been teaching long enough to know that it’s
going to be okay. My life is going topsy-turvy, but my classroom is my anchor.
Not only that, but my love for teaching and the passion to reach these children
coupled with the trust that the parents are giving me gives me the strength to
tackle my shifting ground. I don’t know if that makes any sense right now…but
all I know is that it’s my job as a teacher that is saving me right now. (Which
is another reason why I will always strongly encourage you to find a job that
you love and are passionate about.)
Yes, the news of this Hurricane fast approaching was
scary…but the most I was worried about was the fact that I wasn’t all too
scared. I was worried…because I did have my craft room outside in the open and
I didn’t want all my stuff to blow away, but I was also not that worried. Did I
prepare for this impending doom? Yes, I had filled all my water bottles up with
filtered water and several jars of water as well sit on my counter…just
in-case. I am only one person, so I knew I didn’t need that much food…and so I
didn’t go all out stocking on food. But I also knew that for the most part I
was going to be safe. In all that was going on in my life…it couldn’t get that
much worse. I mean, this year started out with a warning that a “ballistic
missile was on it’s way to Hawai’i…THIS IS NOT A DRILL”…like I said, it could
be a lot worse.
I am NOT brushing the fact that hurricanes can do a lot of
damage. Big Island got hit hard and so did Maui…so my thoughts and prayers go
out to them. And if the hurricane did come…it would have been real bad, so I am
very thankful that it just missed us. Very thankful.
But I had a lot of time by myself, contemplating life.
School was called off Thursday and Friday to prepare for the hurricane and to
stay safe…in those two days I was able to 90% finish unpacking my things in my
studio and get things where I wanted them to go. I was also able to catch up on
some reading, letter writing, blog posting, and sleep (if only my craft room
was set up and my paints where out, that was what I had wanted to do!)…but I
was also doing some soul searching.
As I was thinking about life and trying to make some sense
of it…I realized there was a prayer answered that I never even thougth to pray.
Well, in a way I did…I always pray to stay safe…and God made me realize in one
way that He was looking out. I use to live next to the beach. I mean, it was
right there where I could sleep to the crashing of the waves…but things
happened and I chose to move towards the mountains. If I was living where I was
living when this hurricane scare happened, things would have been pandemonium.
Although the place was a place that I needed when I needed it, it was not the
most secure place. It was in an older house,
right next to the beach. My windows were stuck in the open
position and the walls where water soaked. Mold was growing from the ceiling
because of a leak in the roof and each day the walls were closing in on me. It
was tiny. Earlier this year we had a pretty bad storm and my whole room got
soaking wet. Since I wasn’t able to close the windows, a lot of my things from
wall to wall got soaked and the wall looked like it was going to crash any
minute from the water load it was accumulating...all that from just a storm...now a hurricane...hmmm. So, it was good that I moved. I
do miss being able to go to the beach a walk down the driveway…but where I am
now I am so much more happier. It’s secluded and secure. I feel safe here and I
just feel like it’s a better fit for me overall.
So even though I know some people don’t like the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason” comes to mind at times like this. Sometimes it might
not be for a good reason, sometimes we won’t see that reason until years and
years down the road…and even other times where you won’t ever see the reason in
your lifetime…but everything does happen for a reason.
The hurricane didn’t hit…it downgraded to a tropical
storm…but I have yet to experience anything other than some “normal” showers
and wind. I do pray for those that did
get hit and I do pray for Big Island, Maui and all those little island that
were hit, but I also pray for me…for me to find that inner strength to carry on
without having to “fake it until I make it.”
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| Early morning Hawaiian Sunrise PC: myself |
