Missing them.

I got to talk to my parents earlier today. It was the first time in more than two months that I was able to talk to them. My sister had heard from them a few weeks ago, but this was the longest that I've been without hearing the voice of my parents and I miss them so much. I do try very hard not to be worried for them because I know that God is taking care of them but I know that I slip and I still worry about them and how they are doing.

For 12 minutes and 9 seconds I was able to speak to my parents, and it was difficult. For more than half that time I could barely understand them or make out what they were saying. I could make out that they could hear me just fine and so even though I so desperately wanted to just keep saying "I can't hear you! You're breaking up! What?!" since I knew that they could hear me, I told them that  I was having a hard time hearing them and then I talked about all the news that I could think of to tell them. I remember being away from home I longed to hear any news, no matter how minute and unimportant they thought it was...anything was better than nothing and so I talked about just anything that I could think of. I'm good at that. Talking. I talked to them about their grandchildren, how DollGirl was doing so well in school and how KaiBoy was walking so well now and he is SOOO funny. I told her how both of them got along so well and that DollGirl is overprotective of her brother. I told them how we spent my sister's birthday and how much we missed them. And how much we loved them. And how we are praying for them and looking forward to the day that we can see them again. I told them about the confusing weather we were having and that I got new fish for my aquarium at home and at school. Every so often, I would stop to listen to them and I could hear my mom tell me to keep talking and how much she missed my voice. And I really wanted to stop talking and just listen to her voice, but I knew just how much she and my daddy missed me...us...and so I talked. I called my sister on my phone (I was talking to my parents on skype on my iPad) and asked them where they were and to quickly come to my house or to my brother's house if they were in the Kailua area...they were trying to call my sister, but they couldn't get a hold of her.

It makes me sad to hear the longing in my parents voice...They really wanted to talk to my sister for her birthday, but they couldn't...but oh, they wanted too...and I wish that they were here. So badly I wish that they were here.

I was able to get from them that for some reason at 11am our (Hawai'ian) time, they had one bar on their cell phones for almost 30 minutes...on some days, but was uncertain on what days they would have it...but they have notice that for that short amount of time, for some reason, they are able to contact us...and so they try. And I do get random messages on FB or on skype to please call them, but when I do, by that time the signal is gone. But I am glad that, at least, I know that communication is possible, not stable, but possible.

I miss them. I miss them so much.

They did buy land in Mindanao, and even though I have been to the Philippines, I have not yet been to that part of the islands...and I actually have no idea how to get there! But one day, I will go there...and I will see where they live. I will figure out how to get to that part of the Philippines and I will see them. They are happy, though, and that is all that I ask for.

I just miss them so much, though. So very much.

Day 15 of 30 Days of Gratitude.

Day #15: What season are you grateful for?

Fall use to be my favorite season, however since moving here to O'ahu, I would have to say that I love spring. It's not too hot and it's not to cold. I am not liking this crazy weather...but it's beautiful. The whales are passing by and there isn't too much tourism going on. Summer's are pretty amazing too, but for right now the season I am grateful for is the season of Spring.

Lazy, relaxing day!

I honestly was NOT in the mood to go to church today, but my niece had asked me yesterday, so very kindly, mind you, if I could go to church with her. So, of course, I can't say no to my lil' DollGirl! It was good though. My parents usually go to the Fil-Am church, however there is a Men's Retreat in Waianae and so my dad went to that for the weekend. So, my mom ended up going to church with my sister, and I caught a ride with Amanda to go to church and we all met up in Kailua SDA Church. It was good to go to be in church again with my mom.

I found out a few days ago that my parents bit the bullet and bought a one-way ticket to the Philippines on August 18. Whenever I think about it I just want to cry all over again. I hate knowing that the date is coming closer and closer to when I have to be without my parents again. Here I am, an almost 30 year old woman crying for her mommy and daddy...but this time around, my heart isn't breaking for myself. My heart aches for my niece and nephew. DollGirl is my dad's personal shadow. Yeah, I can't write about it right now... I can feel myself tearing up. Change subject!

Well, after church, I ended up coming over to town to be here and spend time with my mom and my niece. I ADORE spending time with my niece...and I also equally adore spending time with my lil nephew! I can't believe that he is almost 4 months old! In four days he will be 4 months old...my lil KaiBoy is growing SO fast!

He is such a happy baby! And he has the cutest laughing eyes ever! And he laughs...really laughs out loud when you tickle him! It's the cutest thing ever! These are a few pictures that I can't take credit for. My lil DollGirl took them! She loves taking pictures, that one! :)

I love how DollGirl is super protective of KaiBoy. She loves to cuddle with him and tell him stories and you should hear her when she hears him crying..."No need cry, baby, I'm here. Ate is here!" It is SO heart warming!

My brother and Amanda are here right now to. Right now, Neal, Jeremy, and Amanda are doing a 1000 piece puzzle. That is their thing...they love doing puzzles and they do them like its nothing. I can't sit still that long. This puzzle I gave to Amanda for Christmas...I gave Neal a 3000 piece puzzle...they gave up on that one in a few days! *laughs*

I was trying to wait for them to be tired of the puzzle, but it doesn't look like they are going to be finished anytime soon, so I will say goodnight and just get ready for bed now. :)

Four.

It is said that time flies when you are having fun...but I would also like to say that time also flies when you really don't want it to. I was talking to my boss and it was one of those stressful kind of days and she said, "I just wish that Friday was here already!" and then she looked at me said, "Wait! No, I don't want Friday to come coz that would mean come next week, you are gone. I don't want that!" I just started laughing, but inside, I was sad too. Yes, things were pretty stressful today, but I was hoping that time would just slow down just a little bit.

Four more days. Why am I counting down the days?! I don't even know...but whenever one of my keiki's gives me a hug, I can't help but hold on just a little longer and squeeze just a little bit tighter knowing that I won't always be here anymore. I'm not going to lie, I knew that it was going to be this hard...but that doesn't make me any more prepared for the goodbyes.

Since Nicole had given the letter to the parents that I was leaving yesterday, a lot of the parents are coming up to me and making it a point to talk to me. I am proud to say that I do have a relationship with all the parents that come to my school. I also make it a point to get to know the parents of the keikis that come to our school. I mean, I would want that too if I had a child. So, reminiscing with the parents is hard as well. But I like it, because they reassure me that no matter what, we DO live on an island, I will see them sooner or later. :)

I have been trying to prepare my "mine" that come next week, I won't be here. I have been telling that just like "Olivia" (a former student of mine who went to a new school a few weeks ago) And that there will be times when I will be able to visit, but for the most part, I won't be their teacher anymore.  And I have been trying to incorporate it in my circle time. I have a post-it on the calendar so they can have a visual one when I'll be leaving. And then when I do my feeling faces, when I get to the sad face, I always ask the question, " What kind of things make you sad?!" And it's so adorable because they know my next question is "What are the kind of things that you can do to make your friend smile again if they are sad?!" And you know the kind of answers are like, give them a bang-biscuit [high-five], a hug, ask them if they are okay, ask them if they want to play with you, ask them if they want to be your friend...and so forth. Well, my keikis' always jump the gun, so whenever I ask this question before I even finish the question they all drown me in hugs and "lovings."

Today, when I asked the question what makes you sad, I said that it's making me sad because I won't be able to see them all the time anymore and that I was going to miss them all so very much. My lil Benji then proceeds to launch himself at me and give me one of those hugs where his arms encircle my neck and his head laying on my shoulder and he says, "But you don't have to be sad." I asked him, "But why, Benji, it makes me sad that I won't see you next week." And he said, "But Aunty, I am here now. And whenever you feel sad and you need a hug, you can come back and I will give you a hug." Oh, my heart cracked just a little bit more...even writing it makes me tear up.

Just this little anecdote lets me know how much of an influence I have with my keiki. Benji has been in my class the longest so far. And he has seen some of his classmates come and go...whether that is to a new school or to the next classroom when their birthday comes around. And whenever one of mine leave my classroom, I always tells them that if ever they are sad and need a hug, all they need to do is ask their teacher if they can come and get a hug from me. Transitions are hard for my little ones and so they know that I'm just right across the courtyard from them, so all they have to do is look up to see that I'm still here and they don't have to be sad. Benji has heard me say that...and he was now comforting me and it made my heart hurt knowing that I'll be leaving him soon.

I love this quote that Maya Angelou said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." And it is so true. I get sad sometimes because I know that my keiki are so young (2 years-old) that I know that they won't really remember me in the coming years, but I can always have hope that they will remember how I made them feel. I love each and every child that walks through the gates of my school. And even though I might forget what their name was, I will remember their little spark in my life, and I can only hope that they can remember the love that I had for them and how I tried to make their learning experience fun...but also that I did care for them. 

Tea...tea not only is yummy...but it also soothes my sad soul. I hope one day that I can have a HUMONGOUS tea collection of everything tea related! *laughs*

My bestie...

...is just that, my bestie who is THE BEST! Look what I got in the mail when I got home!

My bestie sent me an amazing package...filled with a lot of things that made me smile. :) 

I opened the box...and a card looked up at me...oh my goodness, I have an amazing best friend.

She wrapped everything so that not only would I get a surprise in my mailbox (well, my door actually)...but when I opened my box, there were surprises in the box! :)

The  first present that I opened was these amazing and beautiful earrings! They are SOOO me! I love them so much!

And she knows me so much that I adore lip gloss! And so she loaded my box with different lipgloss/lipstick.

And I have to say that she really, really does know me because this is one of my top favorite lipgloss ever! And I really love this color a lot. :)

And look at this...she got me nail polish. Like I said, she is the best.

I miss my best friend. I wish that she was with me right now. But I know that no matter what, she will be there for me when I need her. And she always has been and she always will be.

Mail Surprises.

Today was a pretty eventful day. Today was our preschool graduation for the older keikis in my school...and I am proud of each one of them! I am also very proud of my keikis who had to sing three songs for the graduation. They sang "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," "I'm a Little Tea Pot," and "A is for Aloha." Three songs that had a lot of motions to them...and you know what?! They did an amazing job! Not only did they do an amazing job in their songs, but also the program was about 45 minutes long...and guess what?! For the most part they were able to sit still...well I'm using the word "still" VERY vaguely...but they did a good job not going crazy and "rascal" on me! So yes, I am very proud of our 25 graduates...but I am also proud of my 12 lil keikis. :)

As I was going home, I get a text from my friend Ed asking if I wanted to come to the studio to help him and Evelyn re-organize the studio...that is one of my biggest pet peeves, when the studio gets to be in a real big, chaotic mess! That is NOT acceptable to me...so I know that Ed is very good at keeping things organized...same with Evelyn, but every so often we will get together and do a massive clean out/organization day...and so I guess Eve and Ed wanted to do so today. So, I did....

 ...it was a long day. But when I got home, look what I got in the mail!

I got my months Birchbox (which I will be writing a review on it right after I finish this post), and a envelope from my cousin who is working in Malaysia! I have a feeling I know what it is!

When I was younger, I use to have a fascination with stamps from different countries...not as much anymore...but I still like looking and admiring the different stamps. I guess, that comes from being a penpal writer from all around the world.

As I was opening the envelope, I saw that she had put my nickname on the back. I miss my cousin. When I was in the Philippines, she was not only my cousin, but also like my sister. She took care of me, and she was there when I needed someone to be there when my on family was far away. I know that she has always been my family, but one thing about being born and raised in California, I didn't get the opportunity to get to know my family that was in the Philippines, but when I went to school there, my cousin and I took to each other and she reminds me so much of my very own sister. "Che" is the nickname that I allow people to call me if I call them my friend or family. I do have plenty of nicknames...but this one lets me know who really knows me or not. And so when I saw my nickname that she put there, it made me smile.

Just like it thought, it's her wedding invite! She calls me from time to time and she was telling me that she was going to send me a wedding invite. It love the way that she did it! She was so crafty about it...and it's super cute! I'm just kind of bummed that the clothes pin broke...but I still think that it was cute and a good idea.

Unfortunately, I doubt that I will be able to go to her wedding, which is in the Philippines. But I do wish them a long and happy life together. I know that no matter what, I can always count on my cousin. My Ate Theya.

"If it were easy, everyone would be doing it."-anonymous

Sunday

Such a relaxing weekend I had this weekend. It didn't go as planned, but it went even better then what I thought. It rained all weekend...but guess what?! I saw my best friend. It's been a long time since I was able to see her. I'm sad because I didn't get to talk to her as long as I wanted to. And there were things that I wanted to talk to her about. I know that I can just call her on the phone, but then it's not the same. I miss her. She leaves on Friday, so hopefully I can see her again before she leaves.

I miss home....er...California. I live here now. My home now is Hawai'i. And I have no regrets. But every so often it's good to hear from my childhood home...it's part of what made me...and California will always be a part of me. But being here in Hawai'i is now my present. My now.

I am glad that Ginger -bear is here now. I miss having a dog in my life. A pet really...I wish that I can get a dog...but now is not a good time. But it's good to have Ginger-bear back. I do have to say that I miss Jack Jack a lot...but Ginger-bear is good. 

I love my family. I love have I have my sister and brother here. I love how Neal and Amanda are in my life and are my family. I love the people that I've met here. But I am glad that I have my Ginger-bear with me. 

"Don't make a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life."-anonymous

Happy Birthday, Jyn!

I know that I haven't spoken to this girl for awhile...but she is one of those friends where you know that you don't have to talk to all the time...but when we do get together or even talk to each other...it's as if no time or distance ever separated us. She is "that" kind of friend.

I remember back when I first met her in 2004, we didn't hit it off...it was my first year in the Philippines and it wasn't until she saw me being very sad coz I was homesick...and she came in my room, hugged me and told me that she knew how I felt. And from that day she has been like a sister to me. And I miss her.

She currently lives in Thailand...and I know with no doubt that I will see her again. She has been dating my cousin for nearly 10 years now...and so yes, I am pretty sure that I will see her again.

So, for now...Happy birthday, my dear friend. I wish you the best in everything...and I can't wait to see you again, Jynnylicious!

"In my imaginary neighborhood, you live right next door."