Love hurts. So does betrayal.

Long ago I asked a friend why love hurts…why does loving someone hurt so much? Why is it that when you love, you end up getting hurt? I figured out the answer to that…if you hate someone…they can't hurt you. They are not on that emotional level where they can hurt you. The only thing that they can do is piss you off even more at them. They can't hurt you because you hate them. However, if you love someone…that makes you vulnerable to their actions. And since no one is perfect…if you love them, they will eventually do something to hurt you…like betray you.

The feeling of being betrayed is something that is prolly one emotion that people find it hard to describe…all in one time, you feel so many emotions for that person who betrayed you. You are confused…is it really true? Did "so-and-so" really do that?! How could they even do that?! I thought we were close? I thought they would never hurt me like that. And it's worst because you loved them. If a person you hated betrayed you…that was your mistake to trust them in the first place (why would you trust someone you hate in the first place is beyond me!)…but if you love the person…you trusted that person maybe too, and they juss turn around and do something that leaves you hurt, confused, let down, deceived, and…lost. It makes you wonder if you should ever trust again. It makes you wonder if you can even trust anyone again. It makes you second guess everything and everyone. Everything you believed, knew, and even had confidence in is now hovering in the air on uncertainty. If that one person you loved, cared for, trusted could betray you…then anyone could. Trust is nearly as fragile as love is…and once shattered it's nearly impossible to fix. One person can ruin it all for everyone.

Okay, so now here's the real question…how do you pick yourself from being betrayed? How do you find the emotional strength to keep moving on with a smile on your face? How do you hide the fact that your heart is heavy with emotional pain, with sadness, with feelings of…betrayal? How do you keep on smiling at the world when inside you juss wanna take a razor to your skin to feel the pain on the outside instead of the deep, bottomless wound that you feel on the inside? How can you even look at the person and smile at them when you know that because of what they did you will forever be emotionally scarred?

A person that I know that told me that life sucks…and that life is unfair…get over it and get used to it. I guess the answer to how do you get on with your life with a "happy" attitude after someone hurts you deeply is to realize that life does suck…that life is unfair…and that you need to get over it and get used to it…never expect…never assume…that way you will never be disappointed. The only sure person that you can really trust is yourself…remember that. Love all you want…but trust yourself.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

You need to stand up for something, or you will fall for everything.

"Fight for what you want" is one of those things that are easier said than done. Especially if that means standing up against someone that you love. What do you do though, if you have to fight and argue against someone you love, what do you do if you know they are hurting because of what you are doing, but "you need to stand for something or you will fall for everything." But sometimes it juss really sucks because standing up against someone you love will only end up with someone hurt and betrayed.

Where can you go to get away from the world, when all you have is the world to go to? No matter where you go, someone will be there, or someone can find you. What if you want to go somewhere where no one will find you, where someone can juss leave you alone. Where no one will ask you, "how are you doing?" knowing that they really don't mean it. I want to go to a place where there isn't anyone who pretends they are there for you, that they care…I want to go somewhere where I can juss be myself, where I can laugh and not offend someone, where I can cry and not have people stare, I want to go somewhere where I won't disappoint anyone with what I'm doing. Is there a place that actually exists that is like that?

I know that my "known personality" is one that is out-going, happy, smiling, talk-a-tive and all that other stuff that I show the world…but I'm still a human being that cries, that hurts, that is lost. How does one start all over? With a clean slate…can that even happen? Is it possible to go somewhere where no one knows you…where you can literally start all over again, because no one knows your past, no one knows what your plans in the future is, no one knows what you are doing now, but living there. I wish that I was able to do that knowing that it's going to be okay, because everyone that does know me can juss forget that I even existed, or that I was juss a memory that had happened in their lives.

I think that it's pretty selfish to think that I'm probably the only one who goes through feelings like this. Because I'm sure that there are other people who feel like this…I don't need to know who you are, but I just want to know what you do to keep going, because sometimes I feel like I don't want to keep going. I'm not going to do anything drastic, I love life too much to do anything too permanent, but I juss want to know how to keep going without hurting so much inside. I'm sick and tired of having so many friends who "care" but don't really know what is going with your life, because my life isn't the most important one there is. I mean, everyone is concerned with their own life…and I totally understand and stuff…I mean, I'm concerned about my life, but I want to know how to keep smiling, how to keep laughing, how to keep being "okay" without dying slowing inside. Maybe this all will past, and in a few weeks I'll be saying that I'm the most happiest person in the world…

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm happy…there are a lot of things to be happy about. I have friends who I know care, oh and my sister is engaged to a wonderful man, my brother juss had his 21^st birthday, I have wonderful roomies that are great, Eddie—my cousin—is here with me, and he helps me a lot. I woke up today, I'm still breathing, there are a lot of things to be happy for…maybe I'm juss having a melancholy day…yeah, maybe that is juss it…

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

What the?! Hello...

So, I've realized that it has been awhile since I last wrote in my blog, and so I decided to take the time to type out a few of my thoughts and stuff like that…for those of you who like to know what is going on with me…wow…so vain is me! Me…tell me about you! *smiles* Naw…really though, I would love to know what is going on with all of you, so feel free to write me. I would check out your profile and read your blogs as well, but I don't really get online much. I'm not even online right now, I'm on Microsoft Word typing this out, so that when I do get online, I could juss paste this…how sad, huh? Oh well, I would still want to know what is going on with you. It might take me awhile to respond…but most likely than not, I will respond…at least I will do my best to respond.

So do you know that song… "I Can't Live A Day" by Avalon…yeah, I'm listen to that song…. "Oh, I couldn't face my life tomorrow without your hope in my heart I know, I can't live a day without you. Lord, there's no night and there's no morning without your loving arms to hold me. You're the heartbeat of all I do, I can't live a day without you…" I've learned while being here in the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Philippines that sometimes I think that I can live my own life. I don't think about not living without Him…I don't really shut Him out…I juss don't invite him through my daily activities anymore. And juss now I am realizing that you do feel empty…unknowingly, you feel as if there was something lacking in your life. Being away from home and family and friends…I feel at times that I am by myself, and that I have to get through struggles, homesickness, obstacles all by myself…I feel at times that "no one knows what I'm going through." Maybe that is true…but I know that I should be able to turn to Him with what I'm feeling. Sometimes while I'm walking home from class and it's raining (it's raining season now) I juss think how, yeah…I'm happy…I'm content with where I am…but is this all there is to life? Juss pointlessly walking home in the rain…looking around and everyone's head is bowed down…sometimes blocked completely by umbrella's held close to their bodies…not caring if their umbrella is about to hit someone's eye…because all everyone care's is about getting to some dry place and out of the rain. Maybe I can live my life without God in my life…but is that really what someone wants to do? When everyone has failed you, when friends and family are all gone from your immediate place…it's good to know that you have someone you can count on…I know that I've grown in a lot of aspects since being here…but in my spiritual life…I feel that that is going down…down to practically inexistence. Yeah, there are those few moments where I feel bad from "ignoring" Him…and I will say a really long prayer…stupidly thinking that this "long" prayer will make up for all those other times where I haven't "talked" to Him…but no, it's not like that. I remember there was a time in my life where I use to talk to Him constantly in my head. Where I use to be close to Him…I always was thinking about Him, always saying little prayers in my head during the day…always letting Him know what was up with me…now, I juss feel like...where did He go? I know that He hasn't left me…but I feel like I've gotten so far from Him that…can it be impossible to get so far from Him that He has left me?! I use to tell people "NO! That IS impossible!" never really realizing that being not in proper touch with Him for awhile can really lead to this doubt…I don't think that He's really gone from me...it's juss I have to somehow find a way to get to Him again…because it is true…you do feel empty without a true friend…

             I haven't been going to church in a long time, because church here is NOT like how it is at home…and I know that that shouldn't make a difference…but it is really discouraging when you go to church, and you know that people are judging by the way your portray yourself…this is a very religious judging country…and yeah, it is true that you shouldn't care what other's say about you…but YOU try going to a church that judges you all the time…even coming to the point where they tell you that you should step out of the church and change your CLOTHES because it's not as conservative enough for them…so therefore God wouldn't appreciate it. Wow…sometimes I wonder who appointed them to be the fashion police for God. I didn't even realize that God really had restrictions…but I know that it's not God, but human's own rules and restrictions…anyways…I went to church last Saturday…I almost didn't even make it to church…because since I live off campus you need to walk through this gate to get to on campus, where the church is here…anyways…I didn't have my ID with me…(it's actually more complicated than that…I live off campus that is technically "on" campus…told you! Kinda sorta complicated!) so the guard wouldn't let me through…he told me that I needed to prove that I was a student of the school to go to church…what really got me was that that particular guard knew me. He sees me go "on" campus ALL THE TIME so that I can get to class…I juss didn't think to bring my ID with me to church. The thing is…I don't really go to church…and my friend who convinced me to give it another chance at the church here was already on campus waiting for me. And when she saw me on the other side of the gate she called out to me saying, "Che hurry up! We are already late for church (it was 8:30am!!!)! And you are NOT going to get away with not going to church…you NEVER go to church…it will be different now, you will like church." Or something like that…the guard heard…and still told me that I couldn't go because I didn't have my green ID with me. So as I turned to go, I saw other people come from my side to the other side…and they showed NO ID…I told my friend that I wasn't going to go to church anymore…because I took it as a sign that I wasn't to go to church this time because I couldn't even get through the gate. I live about maybe ½ a mile from the gate…and there's no road to the gate…it's like hiking to the gate…and I had high-heels on (I really don't have any other kind of church shoes!) and I nearly broke myself and slipped a few times already on the way there…anyways, I think the guard felt bad, so he called me back and told me to go to church…and you know, even though a few people came up to me and told me that my shoes where a little "show-offy" and "worldly"  and my top was "way too low and inappropriate for church" (I even chose my church outfit with GREAT care since I didn't want to offend anyone unknowingly, but I guess I shouldn't even have bothered) it was okay.

It was CAST (College of Arts, Science and Technology) week, so they had a separate church service for all the CAST members (about 600 students)…and my roomie, Joyness is the president of the Fine Arts department, and so today she had to facilitate the Sabbath School and church service…and if any of you know my Joyness…she is really quiet spoken…opposite of me. And so she asked me to tag along and help her out, even though I'm not CAST…I'm CON (College of Nursing). But I went along anyways…I could go on and on about what happened…but I'll juss tell you about the Sabbath School class. We took a Spiritual Test…which to me wasn't really accurate…because the questions where like, "What is God more like to you? a) a rainbow, b) a thundercloud, "When you are going on a walk and you see a mulberry bush, what do you see? a) a burning bush, b)mulberries" "When you are driving and someone gets mad at your driving skills and gives you an obscene gesture what do you do? a) you are driven to love and compassion for one who is filled with anger b) return the obscene gesture" Question like that…you KNOW what is the correct answer…but I think with this test…it's is to see if your are really true to yourself and stuff…but yeah, the other thing we talked about was this paper that was called, "My Perfect Body Wish List." Okay…why don't I give you the questions…and you answer them, okay?

"I wish for …

                           …the BRAINS of __________.

                           …the BODY of ___________.

                           …the BEAUTY of _________.

                           …the TALENT of ___________.

                           …the FAME of ___________.

You know what I noticed? At first, I didn't even think about putting my name in any of those categories. There were a few discussion questions that followed…and I realized that I wasn't really that content with myself. One of the questions that we discussed was if we did have all those brains, body, beauty, talent and fame of those people that we named…would we be happy? I said, yes…I think that I would be happy…but then I realized that I wouldn't even be me. And we even discussed that even those celebrities of Hollywood are always looking to want more. You see it all the time when you see the media of those celebrities always getting into trouble because they want something more…I think that you have to learn to accept who you are…and that includes everything from brains to fame…everyone wants fame…well, maybe not everyone…but a lot of people…but do you think that is everything to have? I'm one to talk, but God made us who we are because He does have a purpose for us. He made us the way we were because there is a reason why we are the way we are. And if you think about it…you can always improve who you are…if you really want to be smart…study…never stop studying, therefore you will never stop learning and getting the "brains" that you want…same goes for body…if you want a certain kind of body…work for it... beauty doesn't only have to be looks…but how you are in side…and so on down the list…so, eventually yeah…plus, I think that if you learn to love who you are, and if you are confident…and you live your life like you want too, then…you should be able to be content with who you are, right?!

So, yeah…most people know that I love those cartoon like movies…like Disney and Pixar movies…well, I juss finished…well, not COMPLETELY watching Monster's Inc. I only say "not completely" because my friend had it on his laptop, and he gave it to me, and then yeah…it wasn't complete, and so now I saw it until…like the last 10 minutes…it's good that I have already seen the movie, and so I know what is going on…and I'm sorta not left hanging…but yeah…I still wish that I could have finished it. It's such a cute movie. Oh! Have you all seen Meet The Robinsons…I think that has got to be one of my favorite movies. I remember wanting to see it while I was home, but then I never got the change to see it…and it came out much later here in the Philippines…but yeah…I saw it…and I loved it a lot. Yeah, no blood and gore in cartoon movies…well, most cartoons at least…

    

So Eddie wanted me to watch Zodiac…and so I did…kind of unnerving now they never really caught the guy…but they know-ishy who it was…but still…it did take place in Vallejo, and so yeah…and knowing that I go to Lake Herman…and the guy that they suspected that it was still alive in 2002…or was it 2004?! Which ever…that was still sorta recent...and I remember I use to go there with my dad and brother and sister at times and go walking there…fishing…and juss hang out there! Can you imagine if that guy was there…I think I would have died…literally! But yeah…it was a movie that I started watching by myself…but when the Zodiac guy killed that couple at Lake Herman…I couldn't watch it any longer…so I had to stop it…and wait for Eddie so that I could watch it with him, and so yeah…

Well, things here have been pretty slow…well, not really…but a lot more slow that it would be then it would be home…but who am I to complain? Tomorrow it is going to be my cousin's birthday…and so we're all going to Yellow Cab in Tagaytay (/Ta/-/guy/-/tie/…yeah, that's how you pronounce it) and all eat there together…I haven't hung out with her in awhile…and so we will see how that goes…and so yeah.

                          

Well, I guess I'll go for now…hope you all are doing good and well…I miss you all so much and I think about you all so much. Take care, okay?

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Hello Everyone.

Hello to those of you who read my blogs…I'm superness sorriness that I haven't been keeping my blog up…it's been almost forever, but not quite since I've written a blog. The last time I wrote a blog was when I was home, and that seems ages ago…3 months seem so far away. It's funny how my 2 months there seemed to pass so fast, yet when I come here the days slowed down and now two months seem like 2 years…can you imagine THREE months here! *laughs* Well, anyhow Imma try to catch everything up to date…won't be as accurate or anything, but I'll say the main points and stuff…

Lets see, I came back here to the Philippines on the 28^th right of May…well, that was because I had to enroll on time and if I didn't enroll on time, then I wouldn't get the class that I wanted, because the enrolling here is a very extremely long process…I was sorta disappointed because I wanted to leave a little later because I wanted to attend my cousin's wedding, but then everyone was saying that if I returned here on the 6^th of June, then I wouldn't get the classes that I wanted…ended up they were lying…and I didn't enroll until the 8^th of June and the classes that I wanted were all open…so I could have stayed…so I'm pretty bitter about that…but oh well, it's the past, and so what can I do but move forward.

I was pretty excited to see my roomies again. Oh and Eddie. Eddie has helped me survive this place…he's a great person and I'm so lucky to have him as my cousin. He's a big help…but yeah, I was excited to see my roomies again after being home again. I had thought that we were gonna be moved out of our Dihilig Faculty house, but ended up that the place that we were going to move into was still occupied. After two weeks we finally moved into the new place….and oh my goodness that was a big work to do in itself! The road and hole in the wall that leads to our place was closed because the school is such an ass...so we had to CLIMB the wall with all our stuff…yeah, a concrete wall…it was possible with the help of the guys that were helping us. I swear if the guys weren't helping us, then we would still be in the process of moving! It was hot and we had a lot of stuff!

Anyhow, we are now in our new place for about 2 months now and it's an experience in itself. We have a small ass apartment that we live in. I so swear, my room is as tiny as my bathroom at home was! VERY tiny…you don't walk around in the room, you are juss in the room. So basically the only place that you can actually get comfortable in is the bed…which is the biggest free space in my room. And it's not even a twin size bed…it's smaller! Not complaining though because at least I have my own space. The other girls share a room…as big as my room, they have a bunk bed in their room, well so do I, but I sleep on the top, and I keep the bottom bunk like a place where to store everything at.

Living with my roomies as housemates is something different. It really is different. Where as in the other house we all lived in the same room and we lived with someone who did everything for us…which I was NOT used too…we now have to do everything ourselves…which is something I'm more used too. Well, we have someone to do our laundry (all by hand!!) we were doing it ourselves…but then this girl (she is actually our friend who is a working student) said that if she didn't work extra hours then she couldn't go to school here…we wanted to be independent…and stuff…we had so much offers for a house maid, but we turned them all down, because we weren't used to having a housemaid and we didn't want a housemaid! But yeah…everything else we do on our own. I mainly cook and clean the kitchen…amazing huh, considering the fact that I hate those two jobs…but not much people who like to do it here, so someone has to do it. It's a lot different living with housemates than roommates. Jyn and Joy are amazing people though…but there is the pro's and con's….

Well, I juss realized that the last time I wrote here was when I was 21…now I'm 22…jejejeje…nothing biggie…but yeah. My birthday passed with nothing special. Eddie had duty and everyone that invited to go out didn't come…so I did go out with my roomies. I love my roomies…Eddie bought me a cake…that was yummy…nothing that great and special…but oh well…I didn't expect much anyways. Oh yeah, my favourite saying now is… "Never assume, never expect….that way you won't be disappointed."

Well, Eddie is now 21. It was pretty cool…thanks too all of you who took time to record happy birthday on my camera when I was home. He loved it. We decorated the apartment up for him…and got him the yummiest chocolate cake…and there were other surprises as well. He loved the recordings of people from home saying happy birthday. So many, many thanks to everyone who helped me with that. I think that it's on youtube.com…if you all wanna see it…

Speaking of which…not that I'm the one who should be endorsing anything…check out eddie's youtube stuff…with his group The Adobo Boys…I know that there are a few more videos that he added…you might be able to see my play that I had to do with my class…uhg…that was so headache! I had to speak Tagalog…and I can speak it, but it's a pain reading it! And I wasn't suppose to be the one who was suppose to be reading the tagalog…so I had to do it on the spot…and my gosh…me and my American accent! Oh yeah, and the video was made at my apartment…so you can sorta see my house…and how tiny it is…it's more decorated now… *laughs* but yeah…go to youtube.com and search for the "The Adobo Boys"…or www.YouTube.com/TheAdoboBoys

School is okay…I mean, I live off campus and so we have to walk to school now…well, I had to do that before…but now we have to climb and jump the cement wall. At first that was weird and hard to do, but now you get used to it so it's not that bad…the guys here have placed wooden pegs to help for footing and stuff…so it's not that hard…but at first it was pretty scary…it's either climb the wall or walk an extra mile to school…and who likes to do that when class starts at 7:30am…and that starts! Not when you have to start walking…!! *laughs* can't argue that I don't get enough exercise here, right?!

I really like Josh Groban…and he's coming here to the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Philippines in two months. I'm seriously thinking of going to the concert. I really want to go. I know that my sister has gone to his concert twice I think that it was and I really want to go to his concert, and so when Jyn told me that he was coming here, I want to go. It's during my semester break…and so I think that it's do-able…there are a few concerts that are happening here…so that will be fun to go too.

Well, I don't have my cat anymore. That devastated me more than anything, since I really loved my cat a lot. We were having a lot of arguments with the neighbors and so I had to give Miles away…NOT FAIR! They have 50 billion cats…and I'm not allowed to have one. Miles doesn't even cause any problems, he would sleep with me at night…and he liked to stay in the house a lot…but he would go out at times too…it was either give him away or have them poison him. I would rather have him alive than dead, right?! That's always the better thing…but it's tore something inside of me to give him away. Yeah, you might think that I'm making a big deal out of nothing, but try coming to a new place with NO ONE. You find comfort in the littlest things…sorta like "Wilson" in Cast Away…never saw that movie though, but so I hear…

I did buy myself two fishes on my birthday…gold fan-tailed fish. One was Michelangelo and the other Trisanna. Trisanna died the second day…so I didn't get attached to her (yeah, I know I don't know the genders! But oh well…) And I had Michelangelo for awhile…he was a fun fish…he made me laugh because he was very active and he liked to follow your finger…when I gave Miles away though, I was so sad, that my roomie got me another fish a blue garami…basically it's a blue fish…very pretty…especially with my gold/orange Michelangelo…the guy that she got it from said that they can live together…but then within a day…Donatello (the blue garami, yes, I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!)  had attacked Michelangelo so badly that he died. Which made me soooo sad…I wanted Donatello to die too…but then, he's my fish and so I was like I can grow to like him. A few days later my roomie got me two more fish, two Angel Fish…they are beautiful. And yes, you guessed their names…Rafael and Leonardo. But I put then in separate tanks…Rafael and Leonardo in one and then Donatello in another…until my roomie assured me that Donatello wouldn't kill Rafael and Leo. Well, so I put Donatello with the other two and then went to go eat lunch…when I checked up on the less than an hour later…Leo was dead and Rafael was swimming frantically away from Donatello…so I had to separate the two and Eddie did the honors of flushing Leo down the toilet. So now Donatello's other name is Killer. I do miss Michelangelo though…

Lets see what has been happening…well school has been called off a lot since it has been raining and raining and raining…like none stop. What separates us from school is a river and the cement wall…the river is like a rapids river, I'm sooo swear! And it's not a pretty blue color it's a brown color…like a big chocolate rushing river…pretty scary to walk by. Eddie who lives a few doors down from us and has lived there for about 3 years now, says that the river will swell until you can touch it…yeah…something I would rather not do. We live on the second floor and I would like to keep the river away from me. He said that it wouldn't get that high…but still it's pretty scary to look down our balcony and see the rushing river…if there is a landside…goodbye everyone! Naw…I know that I shouldn't joke like that…but that's basically how it goes.

I'm so bored. We can't go out the rain is non-stop and right now, I'm dying from boredom! You know me, restless as they come…but I can't even do anything about it! I'm sick and tired of watching movies on my laptop and movie shows and juss writing letters. It gets old after awhile. Me and one of my roomies wanted to go out yesterday even though it was raining, and so we attempted to go out…we didn't even make it to the gate! We were soaking wet through and through and it wasn’t fun at all. We were really really , REALLY wet…our umbrella's didn't help at all…water was in our shoes and our clothes were so heavy from the rain. So we had to turn back and go back home and make HOT soup and drink it…it was pretty cold for the Philippines. Our shoes and clothes are still wet because they have not drying machines here and we can't put our clothes out to dry because it won't dry since it's raining…oh such miserableness…! Hopefully it will pass soon before I go insane.

Well, I miss home a lot. I miss everything about home and I'm SOOOO sad about everything that I'm missing at home. I know that there are so much stuff that I'm missing out of…and if I stop long enough to think about it…it gets me super sad, so I don't think about it. But still it's still there in the back of my mind. I think that it's harder to not miss home this year because I know that I won't be home for awhile, and I know that when I do go home, it's not going to be the same. But I can't really dwell on that…I'm making memories here…but I really really really miss home…so everyone at home…know that I'm missing you all there.

Well, the last weekend…me and my friend Jo went with a couple of guys to look at houses…the houses were really really nice…maybe not as nice as back at home…but pretty nice…and huge…the rooms I have to say were "Philippines size" since they were really tiny…but the houses were huge. And the guys were hot! Some were models! Okay…maybe not hot…but they were pretty good looking if I have to say so myself…and this coming from me! *laughs* if you know me, you know what I mean. *smiles* The condo's were really as well…very nice…for one person though…but very nice. If you wanna look at what I'm talking about, I think that they have a website…southforbes.com. Check it out if you want…the houses are near a golf course and you know how nice golf courses can be. It's really neat and awesome…I miss doing random things like that. Me and Jo juss went to Starbucks juss to go and when we left there were these guys who came up to us…yeah, I know we should get in the car with strangers…but they seemed legit and we were bored already from being couped up for so long! But I promise that I'll be careful…next time we might not be so lucky…but we were safe.

I'm still trying to figure out what is fun here in the Philippines…going to the mall isn't all that great fun when you do it all the time. I want to know where everything else that's fun to do is. When you ask the native people around here…their fun is different from my (or any other foreigners) kind of fun…but that is to be expected. There really isn't that much fun to do here…so you have to make the fun…and sometimes its juss not fun anymore when you are always the one who is planning everything, so you don't have as much fun because you are making sure that everyone else is having fun. If you know what I mean. Gosh, to be home for one week…then I can come back here and be okay. Oh well…and life keeps going.

Well, Imma go now…Miss you all so much! ::hugs and kisses::

[Transferred from my myspace blog]