Ten Things That Makes Me Go WTF?! [Here in the Philippines]

There are times when I am juss going along in my life here in the Philippines, and then something happens and then I'm like "WTF!?!?" And so I decided to make a short list of the main things that make me look at someone (or someoneS) crazy and think… WTF?!?"

10. Okay…I have the timing down, and I know that if I leave the house at 7:15am, if I walk this fast and go this way I will make it in time for class which starts at 7:30am. I have juss enough time to make it to class and get a good seat with juss a few seconds to spare. I mean, come on now, who wants to even be UP at 7:30am much less be up earlier than that to even get ready for that early morning class! I leave the house, I check my watch, I'm good…I'm in a good mood because I'm not gonna be late…and then bam…three girls who walk as slow as a sloth moving in a tree, as if they have the whole time in the world…oh yeah, and don't forget that they don't walk behind each other, they walk BESIDE each other. I try to pass, but they won't let me…they have this "friends forever" linking arm thingy going on…and I'm like WTF!!!?

9.  If you have never been to the Philippines, then you don't know that EVERYONE and their mom AND dog carries around with them an umbrella. Why don't we all take a look at what Encarta says about an umbrella shall we?

collapsible canopy that protects from weather: a round collapsible canopy of plastic or waterproof material on a frame at the top of a handle, held in the hand to protect somebody from rain, snow, or sun Microsoft® Encarta® 2007. © 1993-2006 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

Got it?! Okay…well, yeah…you can understand that it's a very handy object to keep with you, since it "protects somebody from rain, snow, or sun." Okay…well, juss try to imagine this with me…you are walking on a sidewalk, that is only so wide…. The sun is out and there is a barely a breeze to keep you from breaking out in a sweat. If you are like me, you have your shades on to protect you eyes from the glare of the sun…because if you are from anywhere but here, you like the fact that you are able to work on your tan…then you turn the corner, and you see the umbrella brigade. A group of a million people who have their umbrella. Okay, so that's cool, ya? I mean, umbrella's are good to protect you from the sun...but this umbrella brigade don't even move the umbrella! I mean, here you are walking against them people, and then each and everyone of them don't move their umbrella out of the way…so that those pole thingys that stick out around the umbrella hit you in the head…and after getting hit in the head by the 1 millionth umbrella pole thingy you are juss fuming mad from their lack of respect and you look at them and think WTF!?!!

8.  In certain places in the world, they still have manual enrollment, meaning…you enroll by your personal self…none of this going online and enrolling your classes while you are sitting on your comfy chair, in your room, with the air-con on, and no lines to stand in. Manually enrolling means you have to stand in a long ass line waiting with TOLERANCE (not patience) for your turn to get to the front of the line. So for at LEAST FOUR HOURS you get pushed, banged, smushed, squished and almost trampled between millions of people who are as irritated as you AND there is so much body heat and body odor that makes you wanna gag…and of all places you get to stand behind the one person in the whole entire school who knows everyone. Oh yeah, and did I mention that there are most likely going to be more than 5 thousand students and only ONE person at the desk to "help" you…so yeah, imagine that. AND that person in front of you keeps seeing their friend…and what do friends do?! "oh here! Stand in line with me!" then they do this annoying thing…they turn around and with a sweet smile on their face they say, "They're with me…I was saving [his/her] spot…" And you juss look at them juss barely holding back from giving them a piece of your mind and think WTF!???!

7.  It is a hot, hot, super humid day…and all I can think about is how I want to go home and sit in front of the fan and go to sleep. The classes are at least a 15 minute (if there are no slow ass walkers in front of me!) hard hike away from where I live…(think…concrete wall, rushing river, uneven path, dogs galore, SHIT (from the dogs) galore, Rape Street (the uneven alley way that me and my roomies named "Rape Street" since it's the perfect place where someone can abduct you and rape you. NO LIE), gates, guards with guns, and lots of tree's and HUGE bushes) and when I get home, you juss wanna get to me bed, flop down and juss enjoy a cold strawberry juice drink while my fan is stationed on me at number 3. I finally get home, sweating…I remove my top…I'm sweating and hot…and I turn the fan on, I have my cold drink…and I flop on my bed…I'm juss about to smile because I can finally relax, then all of a sudden the electricity goes off. No fan. It's hot. There is no air circulation (since my apartment has only ONE window in front of the house and it's TINY)…and I think WTF?!?!

6.  I am walking along…minding my own business. There is a big open road in front of me, behind me, beside and juss all around me…there I am juss walking…I hear someone coming up behind me…but hey, there is room all around for them to walk with out them touching me…big space…then they walk into me, they bump me, they collide with me…then walk on by because they are in a hurry, and as they walk beside me, trying to pass me by, they look at me with this really dirty look on me face…AS IF IT'S MY FAULT THAT THEY WALKED INTO ME! as if there wasn't open space all over the place. As if I were this huge object that took up the whole road and they couldn't get around me with out knocking into me…and I look back at them and say "sorry" for "being in the way" because since they were BEHIND me they couldn't be bothered to look up to see that I was there walking, minding my own business…and even though it really wasn't anyone's fault who walked into who (well, actually we all know who's "fault" it was…but who's naming names?!)…and I took the courtesy to say sorry they still look at me as if  I was an obstacle to the walking human population…and I think in your head…WTF!???!

5.  My first class is at 7:30am. And if you know me, I am the worst morning person…well…maybe not the worst…but pretty close up there. I know that it takes me at least an hour to actually get out of bed. So let me let you know how I set my alarm or my alarms…so I have to be in class at 7:30am, ya? Move it one hour back…6:30am…then 30 minutes from that. So my first alarm is set at 6:am…2^nd 6:30am and then the last at 6:45am. Then here is how it is done. My first alarm wakes me up at 6:am…that alarm prepares me to actually start waking up. My 2^nd alarm 6:30am…tells me that I better start getting my butt up because I only have 15 more minutes before I have to actually get down from bed. 3^rdalarm at 6:45am informs me that if I don't get in the bathroom right now, I will be late…so I get out of bed and take a 15 minute wake up shower (and the water is cold as the Merced River in April (for those of you who don't know…Merced River is the river that I almost died in about a year and a half ago! Which is one of the river's that get the juss thawed snow of Yosmite). So trust me, it's a fast wake up call if I ever needed one, which I always do. And then if I'm lucky, I didn't take that long in the bathroom…and it would be 7:am by the time I get out…and so I only have 15 minutes to put my uniform on and get my make up on and get my stuff ready for class…which literally takes me forever since even though I did get that "wake up" shower to "wake me up"…it doesn't really 100% help…and my brain is still sleeping. It takes me 15 minutes to walk to class…and that is even if I'm wide awake…! So you see how it's important how I listen to my alarm clock, because it's always a very close call with everything. This is what makes me angry though. If someone CALLS or TEXTS me at 6:29am or even worst at 6:44am. It annoys and pisses me for various of reasons….one being that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON AND I DON'T WANNA BE BOTHERED and two, because that one minute helps a lot…and it annoys me because sometimes it's for the most dumbest thing they call or text… "Che are you awake yet?!" Yeah, that really, really REALLY makes me go…WTF!????!?

4.  When I allow someone to borrow something of mine…like my portable USB drive…and they return it and it's broken…and they go something like… "Oh, Ate, I'm so sorry, but it's okay because your from America and your rich…so you can juss buy another one." And then they frikin' laugh like it's no big deal…and I can't blow up, because then they will think that I'm being so "maarte" and for some reason they really stereotype people here, and since I'm a foreigner…and if I blow up, they will categorize that ALL foreigners (namely from US) are so "maarte"…and I juss wanna yell my frustrations and all the unfairness in life…and I think WTF?!?!?

3.  Let me explain the whole cell phone system here. You buy a cell phone and sim card separately. You can have a cell phone, but it's useless unless you buy a sim card…which is your number. And then you can't use your cell phone or sim card unless you "load" your phone. So basically it's like a pre-paid service thingy here. P1=1 local text….P7=a local phone call + (I think) P4 per minute (so technically it's P11=a one minute local phone call….P20=a international phone call + P30 per minute (so technically it's P50=a one minute international phone call). P15=1 international text. Got that? Oh yeah, the exchange rate now for the US$ to P (pesos) is now $1=P45…(by the way, I usually keep at least P60 load on my phone, unless my wonderful brother sends me load, since there is a website so that "loved-ones" from the States can send load…and the minimum for that is P115…but yeah…I try to keep P60…because if I need to call home I still can.) I hate it when people text me asking for a favor…ASAP…I always answer back…because it's only nice to let that person know that you got their text…and sometimes the text is urgent so it's good to get a reply…but I hate it when I need help or something from someone…and they never reply back! I mean, hello…I usually text locally, and so that is only ONE PESO! Am I not even worth ONE peso to let me know that you got my frikin' text?! I'm nice enough to answer the person back…but they don't return the favor… that pisses me off and makes me go WTF!?!?

2.  Whoever invented "Filipino Time" should have freezing cold water poured on them and dry powder dispensed all over them and then last but certainly not the least a buttload of feathers thrown at them! I mean…who is proud to go by "Filipino Time" anyways?! I mean, that only means that you are NOT punctual and you aren't reliable! For those of you who don't know what "Filipino Time" is…it's the term referred to Filipino's because they are almost ALWAYS late for everything…if something was planned at 5:pm…don't even bother coming until 7:pm…because that is how late these people can get…it annoys me to death! I'm not saying that ALL Filipino's are like that…I'm juss saying that MOST people here are like that. It really annoys me to all frustrations and pissy-offiness and it most definitely makes me go WTF!?!????!

1.  When I get a phone call from home, and that person is crying because they are hurt, betrayed, "alone", confused, and they need someone right now…and I can't do anything about it except hear them crying, bawling, and in pain because I'm 50 katrillion miles away from home…and I get this feeling of acheiness in my heart down to the depths of my stomach because I'm such a shitty friend/cousin/sister because I can't be there for them…that is the ultimate time I feel like crying and screaming WTF?!????!???!?!???!?

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

Love hurts. So does betrayal.

Long ago I asked a friend why love hurts…why does loving someone hurt so much? Why is it that when you love, you end up getting hurt? I figured out the answer to that…if you hate someone…they can't hurt you. They are not on that emotional level where they can hurt you. The only thing that they can do is piss you off even more at them. They can't hurt you because you hate them. However, if you love someone…that makes you vulnerable to their actions. And since no one is perfect…if you love them, they will eventually do something to hurt you…like betray you.

The feeling of being betrayed is something that is prolly one emotion that people find it hard to describe…all in one time, you feel so many emotions for that person who betrayed you. You are confused…is it really true? Did "so-and-so" really do that?! How could they even do that?! I thought we were close? I thought they would never hurt me like that. And it's worst because you loved them. If a person you hated betrayed you…that was your mistake to trust them in the first place (why would you trust someone you hate in the first place is beyond me!)…but if you love the person…you trusted that person maybe too, and they juss turn around and do something that leaves you hurt, confused, let down, deceived, and…lost. It makes you wonder if you should ever trust again. It makes you wonder if you can even trust anyone again. It makes you second guess everything and everyone. Everything you believed, knew, and even had confidence in is now hovering in the air on uncertainty. If that one person you loved, cared for, trusted could betray you…then anyone could. Trust is nearly as fragile as love is…and once shattered it's nearly impossible to fix. One person can ruin it all for everyone.

Okay, so now here's the real question…how do you pick yourself from being betrayed? How do you find the emotional strength to keep moving on with a smile on your face? How do you hide the fact that your heart is heavy with emotional pain, with sadness, with feelings of…betrayal? How do you keep on smiling at the world when inside you juss wanna take a razor to your skin to feel the pain on the outside instead of the deep, bottomless wound that you feel on the inside? How can you even look at the person and smile at them when you know that because of what they did you will forever be emotionally scarred?

A person that I know that told me that life sucks…and that life is unfair…get over it and get used to it. I guess the answer to how do you get on with your life with a "happy" attitude after someone hurts you deeply is to realize that life does suck…that life is unfair…and that you need to get over it and get used to it…never expect…never assume…that way you will never be disappointed. The only sure person that you can really trust is yourself…remember that. Love all you want…but trust yourself.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

You need to stand up for something, or you will fall for everything.

"Fight for what you want" is one of those things that are easier said than done. Especially if that means standing up against someone that you love. What do you do though, if you have to fight and argue against someone you love, what do you do if you know they are hurting because of what you are doing, but "you need to stand for something or you will fall for everything." But sometimes it juss really sucks because standing up against someone you love will only end up with someone hurt and betrayed.

Where can you go to get away from the world, when all you have is the world to go to? No matter where you go, someone will be there, or someone can find you. What if you want to go somewhere where no one will find you, where someone can juss leave you alone. Where no one will ask you, "how are you doing?" knowing that they really don't mean it. I want to go to a place where there isn't anyone who pretends they are there for you, that they care…I want to go somewhere where I can juss be myself, where I can laugh and not offend someone, where I can cry and not have people stare, I want to go somewhere where I won't disappoint anyone with what I'm doing. Is there a place that actually exists that is like that?

I know that my "known personality" is one that is out-going, happy, smiling, talk-a-tive and all that other stuff that I show the world…but I'm still a human being that cries, that hurts, that is lost. How does one start all over? With a clean slate…can that even happen? Is it possible to go somewhere where no one knows you…where you can literally start all over again, because no one knows your past, no one knows what your plans in the future is, no one knows what you are doing now, but living there. I wish that I was able to do that knowing that it's going to be okay, because everyone that does know me can juss forget that I even existed, or that I was juss a memory that had happened in their lives.

I think that it's pretty selfish to think that I'm probably the only one who goes through feelings like this. Because I'm sure that there are other people who feel like this…I don't need to know who you are, but I just want to know what you do to keep going, because sometimes I feel like I don't want to keep going. I'm not going to do anything drastic, I love life too much to do anything too permanent, but I juss want to know how to keep going without hurting so much inside. I'm sick and tired of having so many friends who "care" but don't really know what is going with your life, because my life isn't the most important one there is. I mean, everyone is concerned with their own life…and I totally understand and stuff…I mean, I'm concerned about my life, but I want to know how to keep smiling, how to keep laughing, how to keep being "okay" without dying slowing inside. Maybe this all will past, and in a few weeks I'll be saying that I'm the most happiest person in the world…

Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm happy…there are a lot of things to be happy about. I have friends who I know care, oh and my sister is engaged to a wonderful man, my brother juss had his 21^st birthday, I have wonderful roomies that are great, Eddie—my cousin—is here with me, and he helps me a lot. I woke up today, I'm still breathing, there are a lot of things to be happy for…maybe I'm juss having a melancholy day…yeah, maybe that is juss it…

[Transferred from my myspace blog]

What the?! Hello...

So, I've realized that it has been awhile since I last wrote in my blog, and so I decided to take the time to type out a few of my thoughts and stuff like that…for those of you who like to know what is going on with me…wow…so vain is me! Me…tell me about you! *smiles* Naw…really though, I would love to know what is going on with all of you, so feel free to write me. I would check out your profile and read your blogs as well, but I don't really get online much. I'm not even online right now, I'm on Microsoft Word typing this out, so that when I do get online, I could juss paste this…how sad, huh? Oh well, I would still want to know what is going on with you. It might take me awhile to respond…but most likely than not, I will respond…at least I will do my best to respond.

So do you know that song… "I Can't Live A Day" by Avalon…yeah, I'm listen to that song…. "Oh, I couldn't face my life tomorrow without your hope in my heart I know, I can't live a day without you. Lord, there's no night and there's no morning without your loving arms to hold me. You're the heartbeat of all I do, I can't live a day without you…" I've learned while being here in the ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Philippines that sometimes I think that I can live my own life. I don't think about not living without Him…I don't really shut Him out…I juss don't invite him through my daily activities anymore. And juss now I am realizing that you do feel empty…unknowingly, you feel as if there was something lacking in your life. Being away from home and family and friends…I feel at times that I am by myself, and that I have to get through struggles, homesickness, obstacles all by myself…I feel at times that "no one knows what I'm going through." Maybe that is true…but I know that I should be able to turn to Him with what I'm feeling. Sometimes while I'm walking home from class and it's raining (it's raining season now) I juss think how, yeah…I'm happy…I'm content with where I am…but is this all there is to life? Juss pointlessly walking home in the rain…looking around and everyone's head is bowed down…sometimes blocked completely by umbrella's held close to their bodies…not caring if their umbrella is about to hit someone's eye…because all everyone care's is about getting to some dry place and out of the rain. Maybe I can live my life without God in my life…but is that really what someone wants to do? When everyone has failed you, when friends and family are all gone from your immediate place…it's good to know that you have someone you can count on…I know that I've grown in a lot of aspects since being here…but in my spiritual life…I feel that that is going down…down to practically inexistence. Yeah, there are those few moments where I feel bad from "ignoring" Him…and I will say a really long prayer…stupidly thinking that this "long" prayer will make up for all those other times where I haven't "talked" to Him…but no, it's not like that. I remember there was a time in my life where I use to talk to Him constantly in my head. Where I use to be close to Him…I always was thinking about Him, always saying little prayers in my head during the day…always letting Him know what was up with me…now, I juss feel like...where did He go? I know that He hasn't left me…but I feel like I've gotten so far from Him that…can it be impossible to get so far from Him that He has left me?! I use to tell people "NO! That IS impossible!" never really realizing that being not in proper touch with Him for awhile can really lead to this doubt…I don't think that He's really gone from me...it's juss I have to somehow find a way to get to Him again…because it is true…you do feel empty without a true friend…

             I haven't been going to church in a long time, because church here is NOT like how it is at home…and I know that that shouldn't make a difference…but it is really discouraging when you go to church, and you know that people are judging by the way your portray yourself…this is a very religious judging country…and yeah, it is true that you shouldn't care what other's say about you…but YOU try going to a church that judges you all the time…even coming to the point where they tell you that you should step out of the church and change your CLOTHES because it's not as conservative enough for them…so therefore God wouldn't appreciate it. Wow…sometimes I wonder who appointed them to be the fashion police for God. I didn't even realize that God really had restrictions…but I know that it's not God, but human's own rules and restrictions…anyways…I went to church last Saturday…I almost didn't even make it to church…because since I live off campus you need to walk through this gate to get to on campus, where the church is here…anyways…I didn't have my ID with me…(it's actually more complicated than that…I live off campus that is technically "on" campus…told you! Kinda sorta complicated!) so the guard wouldn't let me through…he told me that I needed to prove that I was a student of the school to go to church…what really got me was that that particular guard knew me. He sees me go "on" campus ALL THE TIME so that I can get to class…I juss didn't think to bring my ID with me to church. The thing is…I don't really go to church…and my friend who convinced me to give it another chance at the church here was already on campus waiting for me. And when she saw me on the other side of the gate she called out to me saying, "Che hurry up! We are already late for church (it was 8:30am!!!)! And you are NOT going to get away with not going to church…you NEVER go to church…it will be different now, you will like church." Or something like that…the guard heard…and still told me that I couldn't go because I didn't have my green ID with me. So as I turned to go, I saw other people come from my side to the other side…and they showed NO ID…I told my friend that I wasn't going to go to church anymore…because I took it as a sign that I wasn't to go to church this time because I couldn't even get through the gate. I live about maybe ½ a mile from the gate…and there's no road to the gate…it's like hiking to the gate…and I had high-heels on (I really don't have any other kind of church shoes!) and I nearly broke myself and slipped a few times already on the way there…anyways, I think the guard felt bad, so he called me back and told me to go to church…and you know, even though a few people came up to me and told me that my shoes where a little "show-offy" and "worldly"  and my top was "way too low and inappropriate for church" (I even chose my church outfit with GREAT care since I didn't want to offend anyone unknowingly, but I guess I shouldn't even have bothered) it was okay.

It was CAST (College of Arts, Science and Technology) week, so they had a separate church service for all the CAST members (about 600 students)…and my roomie, Joyness is the president of the Fine Arts department, and so today she had to facilitate the Sabbath School and church service…and if any of you know my Joyness…she is really quiet spoken…opposite of me. And so she asked me to tag along and help her out, even though I'm not CAST…I'm CON (College of Nursing). But I went along anyways…I could go on and on about what happened…but I'll juss tell you about the Sabbath School class. We took a Spiritual Test…which to me wasn't really accurate…because the questions where like, "What is God more like to you? a) a rainbow, b) a thundercloud, "When you are going on a walk and you see a mulberry bush, what do you see? a) a burning bush, b)mulberries" "When you are driving and someone gets mad at your driving skills and gives you an obscene gesture what do you do? a) you are driven to love and compassion for one who is filled with anger b) return the obscene gesture" Question like that…you KNOW what is the correct answer…but I think with this test…it's is to see if your are really true to yourself and stuff…but yeah, the other thing we talked about was this paper that was called, "My Perfect Body Wish List." Okay…why don't I give you the questions…and you answer them, okay?

"I wish for …

                           …the BRAINS of __________.

                           …the BODY of ___________.

                           …the BEAUTY of _________.

                           …the TALENT of ___________.

                           …the FAME of ___________.

You know what I noticed? At first, I didn't even think about putting my name in any of those categories. There were a few discussion questions that followed…and I realized that I wasn't really that content with myself. One of the questions that we discussed was if we did have all those brains, body, beauty, talent and fame of those people that we named…would we be happy? I said, yes…I think that I would be happy…but then I realized that I wouldn't even be me. And we even discussed that even those celebrities of Hollywood are always looking to want more. You see it all the time when you see the media of those celebrities always getting into trouble because they want something more…I think that you have to learn to accept who you are…and that includes everything from brains to fame…everyone wants fame…well, maybe not everyone…but a lot of people…but do you think that is everything to have? I'm one to talk, but God made us who we are because He does have a purpose for us. He made us the way we were because there is a reason why we are the way we are. And if you think about it…you can always improve who you are…if you really want to be smart…study…never stop studying, therefore you will never stop learning and getting the "brains" that you want…same goes for body…if you want a certain kind of body…work for it... beauty doesn't only have to be looks…but how you are in side…and so on down the list…so, eventually yeah…plus, I think that if you learn to love who you are, and if you are confident…and you live your life like you want too, then…you should be able to be content with who you are, right?!

So, yeah…most people know that I love those cartoon like movies…like Disney and Pixar movies…well, I juss finished…well, not COMPLETELY watching Monster's Inc. I only say "not completely" because my friend had it on his laptop, and he gave it to me, and then yeah…it wasn't complete, and so now I saw it until…like the last 10 minutes…it's good that I have already seen the movie, and so I know what is going on…and I'm sorta not left hanging…but yeah…I still wish that I could have finished it. It's such a cute movie. Oh! Have you all seen Meet The Robinsons…I think that has got to be one of my favorite movies. I remember wanting to see it while I was home, but then I never got the change to see it…and it came out much later here in the Philippines…but yeah…I saw it…and I loved it a lot. Yeah, no blood and gore in cartoon movies…well, most cartoons at least…

    

So Eddie wanted me to watch Zodiac…and so I did…kind of unnerving now they never really caught the guy…but they know-ishy who it was…but still…it did take place in Vallejo, and so yeah…and knowing that I go to Lake Herman…and the guy that they suspected that it was still alive in 2002…or was it 2004?! Which ever…that was still sorta recent...and I remember I use to go there with my dad and brother and sister at times and go walking there…fishing…and juss hang out there! Can you imagine if that guy was there…I think I would have died…literally! But yeah…it was a movie that I started watching by myself…but when the Zodiac guy killed that couple at Lake Herman…I couldn't watch it any longer…so I had to stop it…and wait for Eddie so that I could watch it with him, and so yeah…

Well, things here have been pretty slow…well, not really…but a lot more slow that it would be then it would be home…but who am I to complain? Tomorrow it is going to be my cousin's birthday…and so we're all going to Yellow Cab in Tagaytay (/Ta/-/guy/-/tie/…yeah, that's how you pronounce it) and all eat there together…I haven't hung out with her in awhile…and so we will see how that goes…and so yeah.

                          

Well, I guess I'll go for now…hope you all are doing good and well…I miss you all so much and I think about you all so much. Take care, okay?

[Transferred from my myspace blog]