Monday, September 22, 2014

Smiles.

Mondays. I don't even know what I have against Mondays. Well, I don't think that I really have anything against the poor day...I know that it's all in my mind...but I will say that no matter where I go, it seems that when Monday rolls around, the kids are just a little bit more rowdy than normal. Nothing that I can't handle...at least not yet. *laughs* But it was a very...how can I put it...it was a very ladidah day. *laughs* But I will say that it is always good to see my kids again after being away from them for even just two days.

That's the funny thing about kids, you don't even have to spend a lot of time with them...before they capture your heart and you just think about them...not all the time...but they are there in your mind. I miss my keikis...my 2 year olds. I miss them something awful and I wonder about them all the time. Goodbyes were always so hard for me...and with my lil ones it's even worst because part of me wants them to forget me because I hate hearing that they are still having a hard time that I'm not there, but I don't want them to forget me.

I try very hard not to visit all the time...I think since I've left, I've been back a few times...like 5 times. But in the times that I've gone there, I think only 2 times that I've actually gone up and let them see me. I don't want them to think that I'll be coming back, but I so want to see them and hold them in my arms again.

Do not get me wrong, the kids that I have right now have also enchanted me and I love them. It's funny because I have only been here for...going on my 4th week now...and it warms my heart that in the morning its my classroom that they all want to go to when they get dropped off. It's different here because they are allowed to choose which classroom they want to go to before we all go outside to play. For the most part, all us teachers are in our own classroom, just prepping for the day or whatever, and since I've started working here, I can always count on at least 95% of the kids to come into my room. And I love it. I love being with them...and just listening to them talk and their random stories and facts of life are so interesting to hear...and I just love them. They make me smile, and seriously, I can't even imagine my life not being around children. They are truly the joys of life.

Well, today I did stop by my former school because my friend there just needed a friend. She is going through something horrible at the moment and it really does kill me that I can't be there for her. I mean, physically anymore. Since we use to work together I would see her everyday...but now we don't see each other everyday. But I will say that I have talked to her EVERY day...and I feel for her. I admire her so much because she is such a strong person despite the "lemons" that life has thrown her. But even strong people have their breaking point...and although she is not to her breaking point, I can hear the stress and heartbreak in her voice, so I decided to stop by on my way home just to say hi. She had to go pick her boys straight after work, but I figured a hug can heal so much pain even if it's just in passing.

I'm pau work at 3:30pm and she finishes at 3:45pm, and it takes less than 10 minutes for me to get there...so it works out. I had told myself that I was not going to go up onto the campus because I don't want to give my keiki's false hope that I'm back, but they heard my car drive up...or at least someone was looking out of the window and saw my car, and even though I didn't go up, I could hear them yelling my name...so I did look at them and tell "my darling loves" hi. They blew me kisses and told me that they missed me and that they drew pictures for me. That makes me smile...usually if a child misses a parents, tutu, papa, sister, brother or what not...I tell them that they can draw them a picture and when they see them they can give them their present...so when they told me that they drew me pictures, it made me smile. They miss me...just like I miss them. So much.

Well, like I said it was really fast that I saw my friend because I didn't want her to be late and I hate things that I needed to do as well, and so it was really quick...but then as I was about to leave, I see this little sunshine detach her self from her mom, scream my name and came running towards me with arms wide open. I was standing down hill...and I can see that her momentum was making her go way too fast and I was at the parking lot...and I hate when children are running with no one holding their hand at the parking lot, so I ran up to her and grabbed her and swung her in a circle (something that I have always done with this child) and her arms encircled my neck and she said, "Aunty Chartee, you came back to me." My heart shattered. It was good seeing her again though. Her mom is an amazing person as well. Super sweet and very generous and just someone who I was very happy that I got to know. They asked if they could take a picture of me because the little girl had bought a picture frame and told her mom that she wanted a picture of me in it with her...and that made me smile. Mom was telling me that she was hoping that they would see me again...and I am so glad that I was able to see her again. After I put her down, the little sunshine asked her mom if she can give it to me. I was puzzled as to what she was talking about, and her mom explained to me that they were at Starbucks a few days ago and little Gracie wanted to buy me a gift card, so mom told her that they can buy me one and that she will hold it until they seem me again. Mom told me that the little girl would ask everyday, "will Aunty Chartee come back to me today?!" Oh my...there goes my heart again!


So, little Gracie Sunshine gave me what she had kept for "a long time" just to give it to me. 


I am so glad that God gave me the gift to be able to work with kids, because I can not even imagine a life without being around them as much as I am. Yes, there are days where I feel as if I just want to get away, but just one hug from a little one can make my hurting heart heal. Even though there is a big percentage that they will forget, I can only hope that they will not forget how I made them feel. That their teachers love them...that we do carry them in our hearts and that, at least for me, I will never be too busy to give them a hug.