Sunday, April 24, 2011


A few weeks before my parents left to be missionaries in the Philippines, I was having a hard time; The hardest time. I had just gotten back from the Philippines after a few years, and I was really excited to be with my family again. Philippines was a learning experience for me, but I still have a hard time talking about what happened to me there. So coming home to be with my family to heal was something that carried me through the hard when my parents told me less than 6 months of me being home that they were going to leave, I was devastated. I tried my best to stay happy, and for all appearances I was. I had no one to talk to but my dad and my best friend/ Baili.

They had originally told me that they were going to leave a few days before my birthday, and I told my dad that please, just give me my birthday with my family. I hadn't had my birthday with my family for 6 years, and that all I wanted for my birthday, to be with my family. So they left on the 21st of June. Four days after my birthday, three days after putting Baili to sleep. I still have that empty feeling in my heart.

But there was this one night I couldn't handle the pain anymore so I told my brother and we went out of my favorite things to do was ride in the car with my brother with the music bumping really loud, with me talking about anything and everything and randomly busting into song and dancing. And so this night, my brother and I got in his car...because I felt like I couldn't escape the pain.

We rode around Vallejo for about a hour with me crying, talking, just venting, unburdening to my brother...and when I was okay again we went home. Instead of going into the house after we parked, we stayed in the car on the driveway and for some reason, I switched the radio from my favored stations to the christian station. I don't know why I even did that, because I don't ever do that [unless it's a Saturday in respect to my brother]. And this song came on...What Faith Can Do by Kutless.

I didn't think that I could make it...but when I heard this song, I knew that I just had to keep standing up when I fall down, wake up when I went to sleep, smile when I wanted to cry, believe in miracles.

I heard this song again coming back from the beach [church] yesterday, and it brought tears to my eyes. I believe that God talks to me through music, and He knew I needed to hear this song again.

"I've seen dreams that moved that mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the skies are falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new...that's what Faith can do."- Kutless, What Faith Can Do