Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Dog Death.

It's been 10 months and 1 day since my Baili was put to sleep. June 18, 2010 is one of my top three worst days in my life...June 2010 was the worst month in my life...last year in general was a pretty hard year for me.

Since I got back from the Philippines on December 8, 2009...I have had a very hard time just trying to get my feet back on stable ground. 2010 did not help at all. I still have a hard time talking about May-August, 2010 It was only until I moved here to Hawaii, August 30, 2010 did I start to heal...and it's an on-going process. I still try to stay positive...

But when my best friend was put to sleep on June 18, 2010...I thought I wasn't going to make it myself. I have gotten close to a lot of people, I use to be super out-going...but I have learned that people will let you down. I use to trust,  now I am slowly...and trying to realize that it still exist, maybe in fairytales it can happen...and even though I believe in fairytales...it's hard to come by.

Baili never let me down. And I fell like I let him down. But reading this story that my friend posted on his facebook page help me have a odd sense of closure...yeah, I tear when I read it...because he was gone too soon from my life, but it totally makes sense...kinda. But oh, I miss him so much, I can't look at pictures and think of him without feeling that hollow, empty, deep feeling in my heart....

Why Dogs Live Shorter Lives

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owner, Ron, and his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home. 

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. The felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for awhile after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animals live shorter than human lives.

 Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why."

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life-like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" The six-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."

I miss Baili. I'll always miss my Baili...and I regret being away from him the last years of his life...being in a place that was so *blah, blah, blah*. But I will never regret anything that made me smile, and Baili was always there for me when I needed to talk and I couldn't smile anymore...he was there for me to talk to...even though it was pouring rain, freezing cold outside, he would sit there, while I hugged him crying because I was hurt, I didn't want to leave, life wasn't fair, my heart was broken, my expectation fell short, someone pissed me off. He was there when I was hyper and wanted run and play around...he was there to greet me whenever I came home...not caring that I was gone for months. Oh, I miss you Baili...yeah, you were hyper, yeah, you were scary [to others] when you would run super fast up to them...but you loved. Oh you loved everyone and only wanted love in return...and you got it. I know I have a guardian Angel watching over...but I think I'm pretty lucky to also have my guardian dog to be with me. I miss you, Baili. I love you.

[I'd put a picture up of my Baili, but I still tear up when I look at his picture.]

"Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death."