Thursday, February 19, 2009

Confused?! Its when..


....So, I wrote this to my friend, and I wanna share it with you too, okay?! “’Confused?! It’s when your mind says, let go…but your heart tells you to hold on. It’s when your mind says, be still…but your heart screams go on. It’s when your mind says, lets leave…but your heart whispers lets stay. It’s when your mind says, this isn’t right…but your heart knows no other way…’ ******, you’re right, life isn’t easy, but you gotta admit, it’s an interesting ride. JEverything happens for a reason, and if you don’t take risks, you’d always wonder what would have happened. People get hurt along the way—sometimes you, sometimes the other person, but just think about it this way, is it all worth it?! And in the end can you still smile?! ‘Never regret anything that made you smile.’…” And now taking my own advise, I don’t regret anything. “He” made me smile when I really needed it. Although sometimes thinking about “him” breaks my heart because I’m reminded of what happened…for the most part, I’m glad that it happened, because I hate being dragged along the mud. And it made me realize that I am super glad that he is my friend. I talked to him for the first time yesterday…and I was okay. I am okay, I survived…I knew that I could…granted the past month was hell for me, but when I was talking to him, I realize that I am glad that I took that risk long ago and said, “yes” to him…because at least we both know that as “together” we weren’t mean to be…but I have a good feeling about our friendship and stuff. It was good talking to him…I missed hearing his voice and juss laughing and talking and sharing with him.
Yesterday was so hectic, man! My goodness…all day long I would work on my thesis, I had to write chapters 1, 2 AND 3…and then I had to send it to my teacher by 7.pm…well, I was working on it all day long, and by 7.pm, I still wasn’t able to pass it in. I asked Achalu to go with me to Paseo so that I can use the internet at Mocha Blends and finish it there and then send it to my teacher there. He had an exam today, so he said that he would go with me if I promised that I wouldn’t talk to him. *laughs* yeah, I know I talk a lot…anyways, we went to Red Ribbon first and yeah, I talked and talked and talked a lot…but when I got to Mocha Blends, I was so concentration on my homework…and I actually finished it…by 10.30pm and so I sent it off…only to find out that out of my whole class, I was the only one who was able to send it, and I feel bad now because I don’t wanna seem like the goodie-two-shoes! I was actually surprised because there are some that ALWAYS turn things in…and they didn’t even get close to finishing!! I know that mine wasn’t perfect or anything, but at least I tried and I passed in something in…oh okay, so given 3 hours late…but I slaved my butt off for it, and I skipped all my classes for it too…! I do try to pass my classes…especially my major classes…but I know what the teachers think of me because they see that I’m always laughing and joking and never really taking things too seriously…but I am a serious person when it comes to certain things. My personality though is that I like to laugh and smile and sing and juss joke around with people…when all things are stressful and tense, I like to be that person who tries to lighten the mood, if I can. But don’t get me wrong, I can be serious…my goodness…I can be serious.
It’s funny because my friend was telling me that he could always hear me singing and my music on full blast from my apartment, and so it’s like I never study…but when he looks in on me, he sees that I am studying…I juss can’t concentrate on certain things when I don’t have music…even when he was watching me study last night when we went to Paseo, he saw that I would dance with the music that was playing and I was always singing along with the music, but he was like saying that I was so concentrated on my homework that he didn’t even think that I would even notice the other stuff that I was doing…like the singing and the dancing part. *laughs* And he said that I would read out-loud a lot to myself…I remember back in high school, when I was on the couch reading my textbook with one of the guys in my class (oh Caleb! I miss you!) it was Caleb that pointed out that I would read really fast out loud to myself…and until then, I never really noticed that about myself…but when I think about it, I can understand why I do that…I know that I can read fast, and if it’s something that I really want to understand and get…not like a story/chapter book type of thing, but like school books and stuff…I know that I can skim over the words and then not really understand what I’m reading, so I read really fast out loud to myself in a whisper…*laughs* And Achalu was telling me that when he would watch me study, I was constantly moving, like not even 10 seconds would pass that I’m sitting still…even if I was reading something, I would be moving to the music. *laughs* Or I would flip my hair or twirl it or something. *laughs* But then I’ve always known that about myself, I’m always moving…*laughs* 

Oh goodness, so I’m listening to Island Music…and I’m listening to Wipeout by The Ventures…and I can juss imagine myself surfing right now…oh goodness…I wanna go to Hawaii!!! Achalu…June 17, 2020!!! You besta be there! Oh now Drop Baby Drop is playing…goodness, I wanna go to a luau…I miss wearing kakui nuts and puko shells…and oh my goodness…Ate Faith and Kuya Neal…I wanna go visit you! But no matter what June 17, 2020…and some days around that day, Imma be there…shit, Imma be 34!! *laughs* Aww…such memories… “…and I promise you Love and Honesty” *laughs* Awww…Chelle and Cesar…I miss you two…wow, I haven’t thought of you two in such a long time, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about you two from time to time…

Well, anyways, I’m bored na, so imma juss end this now…I miss you all…like I always say…*laughs*…but I really mean it…!!

*hugs*
“I wanna tell you, Baby, that you’re the one the one I’m thinking of, but your heart is still with her, and I think that she is the one that you love. I only want you happy, even if it’s not with me. Maybe one day, you’ll open your eyes and you’ll see, that I think I’m fallin’, baby I’m fallin’ for you…! Yeah, I think I’m fallin…baby, I’m fallin for you…”

[Transferred from my myspace blog]