Thursday, January 22, 2009


So yesterday I woke up hella early to get all my interviews in for my psychological testing class…so I got all but one interview done. And since I got done with the interviews earlier than I wanted, and since I was by the soccer field, I ended up watching my friends play a match…it was the semi-finals match, and yep, my team won! It was the All Stars vs. Alpha, yeah, I was going for the All Stars…I didn’t stay for the whole game, because I’m the chica that actually likes to cheer loud…but yeah, all the soccer games that I have gone too here in the Philippines were so quiet, and its like you’re not suppose to cheer…and I didn’t really know anyone…juss the players…*laughs* So I only stayed for the first half…then I went back to my apartment, and since it was hella hot, I was like, I’m going to break dress code and wear “summer clothes”…it was like summer anyways…and so I was hella hot and stuff…and then as I was going to find something to do, my neighbor saw me and told me that he was going to watch a movie with his friend who was already there, and to come in to watch the movie with them…at first I was like…uhm…I’m not going in their to mess up your game! And for all I know that chica that he had in his place (and I know that chica had been in his apartment for a couple hours because I actually was out in the balcony thingy throwing a football with another neighbor when Achalu came home with her and introduced her to me.) yeah, I don’t know if she likes him or not and I didn’t want to mess up anything something like that…so I told him that I’ll come over “later” or something, but then he hella was insisting or something like that…and so I pop in to say wassup to the chica to gage her reaction if I stayed…she seemed cool with it, but then, I’m a girl so I don’t know what she was feeling inside, because she could juss be trying to be nice to me since yeah…anyways…she nice and stuff…and Achula kept insisting…and so yeah…I ended up staying. But then my other friend who was also bored and needed to vent kept calling me, so I ended up leaving anyways, because she kept calling me…and then finally when I got Achalu to answer my phone…he told her that I was “in the bathroom” and I don’t know what she said, but he told her that I’ll meet up with her in 2 minutes! Ended up she came over to my place…so the stuff that I had I left in Achalu’s place and we stayed out in the balcony talking, talking…she was teaching me dance steps, she was showing me her new dance steps that she was learning…and we took hella pictures. *laughs* Oh but she had a lot to talk about, and I was juss the listening ear, and since we are sorta ishy ish-ish the same…we broke up the serious talk by randomly doing other stuff…but seriously, we like stayed out there in my balcony for almost like half the day…yeah, she had a lot of talking to do. It’s all good…we laughed a lot, and she was still there when the stars came out, and so we were looking at the stars.

Our friend Christine’s birthday is coming up soon…and Jo wants to throw a surprise party for her…and if all goes well, it should work out…the only thing that I’m kinda not sure about is my school schedule. It’s going to be a weekend thingy…but my teachers are being a pain and planning things on the weekend…ALL WEEKEND….from Friday-Sunday…every weekend…and so I don’t know…and the thing is they don’t tell us these stuff until the weekend is already here…so it’s hard to plan anything…because I don’t know if there is class or a “weekend retreat” (The weekend retreats are the worst…because basically it goes like this…after my class on Friday’s, which is suppose to end at…doesn’t end until though!...we have some time to go back home and get everything we need…food, clothes, shower stuff, and all our school work for whatever class that we’re doing the “weekend retreat” thingy…and then we go back to the psychology department and stay there for the whole weekend STUDYING…and we’re not allowed to go back to our places until the weekend is up…talk about another form of torture!!) And yeah, sometimes they plan the weekend retreats sometimes you don’t know they are coming. And we can’t miss a “class” because the teachers will fail you and you have to either drop the class or continue with the class and know that you are going to get a low grade…messed up, I know. 

But anyways, I really wanna go to Chris’s surprise party, because it’s going to be fun…since I have been “withdrawing” from that group for awhile, there are new people that I haven’t met…me and Jo planned to rent out a condo for the weekend…cook dinner there and fix up the place…and then when night time hits…we go out and do the night life and stuff…and I was telling Jynny and Joyness that I really wanted to go dancing again to get out all the pent up emotions that I have been carrying in for a time…oh and maybe to flirt with guys. *laughs* naw, I don’t flirt…but it’s okay to look, right?! *laughs* But juss to go all out fun and not have to worry about school or anything. And Jo mentioned some clubs that I haven’t been to yet, and so I wanna check them out too…it has been over a year since I last went clubbing though…didn’t really feel like going anymore…but then, I wanna have fun and I don’t wanna think about anything, but to be with friends and juss have fun.

You know, I remember when I first came here to the Philippines…the very first time…the time where I was suppose to go here because I was curious about the country, and my mom wanted me to go visit her family…and juss it was not suppose to be a long-term thing and it was suppose to be for “fun”…basically it was suppose to be an experience learning-wise and not school-wise…I remember it was really hard because I loved to travel, but the longest that I was away from home up to that point was only 3 months or something…this was a 10 month thingy…and 10 months is a long time when you step out of your comfort zone…when you go somewhere you have no idea about but the stories that your parents tell you about…when you don’t even know what to expect or anything…but I love to try new things, and I love to travel…and my guy at that time was encouraging me…and that he’ll be there when I come back and he will be there for me while I’m gone…the hardest two things for me was leaving my guy and leaving Rosemarie…because goodness…I love that girl. Well, I love everyone, but how I figured, everyone else was old enough to know what I was doing, and that I wasn’t leaving them…but Rose was 5 and she didn’t really understand…and I knew that I was going to miss her something bad…and my sister said that she has only seen me cry…hyperventalling-like twice…the first time I was cheated on, and then when I was saying goodbye to my “special friend” when it was time to leave to the Philippines. So yeah…what is it that guys do to me that they make me cry?! *laughs* Anyways…I remember my cousin telling me…”Che, if you can, forget about us. Because you know that we all here are going to be okay, and that we will be here when you come back, and when you need us, you know that you can call us…but I do hope that for the next 10 months you will forget us…because you “miss” too much.” And basically she was telling me that, she knew that if I was missing them, and if I was juss remembering everything that I had going for me while I was home, then my experience in the Philippines would be a bad one, and she knew it somehow, so she was telling me to forget them for 10 months…but I couldn’t do that. And I still can’t do it. 

Whenever I hear from home, I feel a twist in my heart…whenever I get a message from my Baby-girl…”Auntie, I miss you.” I juss wanna go to her and juss give her a big hug and tell her that I never left. Whenever I get a text telling me that I’m missed and I’m remembered…yeah, it makes me smile and it makes my day, but it also makes me remember that person and everything that we went through and stuff. And there are so many times where I wanna do something…random…and no one here don’t wanna go with me…and it’s not that fun when you’re alone…and I can think of a few people at home that I can juss call up and they will be down for it. And it’s hard and stuff…
So why am I here?! I really don’t know. I think that my time here is up though…but I don’t know…I really don’t know…I don’t think that I wanna be in CA right now though, because I don’t wanna deal with all the questions if I go home now. But I think I have a plan…a crazy plan *laughs* but a plan…but I really miss home…
Oh man-dope! My friend texted me that she wants to film a video…so I gotta go now…I miss you all so much, don’t ever forget that…and I love you.
“If I were boy, I think I could understand…how it feels to love a girl, I swear I’d be a better man. I’d listen to her…cause I know how it hurts…when you lose the one you wanted, because she’s taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed. It’s a little to late for you to come back, say it was just a mistake to think I would forgive you like that, if you think that I’d wait for you, you got it wrong, but you’re juss a boy. You don’t understand…how it feels to love a girl, someday you wish you were a better man, you don’t listen to her! You don’t care how it hurts…until you lose the one you wanted, cause you’ve taken her for granted and everything you had got destroyed…but you’re juss a boy…” If I Were A BoyBeyonce