Saturday, November 22, 2008

I'll See You In The Morning

I’ll see you in the morning

Current mood:determined
Well, it's been awhile since I've written in here. *laughs* I really need to stop doing that! I'm always saying that "It's been awhile since I've written in here" and I need to stop doing that, because I don't think that it really matters…when I write, I write…and so yeah…but whatever, I write whatever I feel like!

I have awesome neighbors that's for sure! I was kinda pissed off, because I heard that I didn't have any class yesterday…well, more like on Thursday, one of my classmates told me that we didn't have any class on Friday…but we were suppose to work on our literature work for our thesis paper…and I was happy, because I already had all my literature for that class. I know that I could do a lil more research and stuff…but then the requirement was to get only four articles and journals…and I had ten…so you would think that I already did more than I was suppose to do. And I was happy that I didn't have to go to class. Because, in all seriousness, since I've gotten back I haven't been able to do ANYTHING fun…seriously! Well, maybe I can't really say that…but moving on, I'll explain later on down the ramblings and stuff.

Anyways, so I get told that we ARE going to have class on Friday. And that is from 1-4pm…STRAIGHT! Okay, we all know my attention span is still at lil child level…I do try, but sometimes I juss can't sit still through things that really bore me, or if I'm juss restless, it's all over, I do try…trust me! Anyways…I was a little sad because Jynny had come over for a few days, and I didn't even get to spend time with her. Anyways…I get to class at…me being on time as always…and then another classmate said that the teacher isn't going to be there, but that she will come at FIVE (effing) THIRTY!! And that is when she will take attendance and we had to stay there the WHOLE (effing) TIME! Okay, so I have this thing about how teachers here don't care a sh!t if we are equal or not…they are there to TEACH, right?! So what is this, we had to STAY there the whole afternoon while she gets to do the things that she wants to do?!

How I see it, is a teacher should be able to do the things that her/his students do. If she was going to make us stay in a room for that long, she should be there that long too. She didn't even bother to show up…what a $*&!!! And you know what pissed me off even more?! She doesn't EVER show up that day?! What is that?! We do have a life…I mean, juss because SOME people don't have a life, other's do. Respect that. I have a hard time respecting those who don't respect others…what was that saying…if you want respect, then give it out….or something like that.

Here is a difference in the Philippines than in the States…you know how in College at home, they treat you as an equal, even though the teacher is a doctor, they don't treat you as if you are shit or something…but here, they love to abuse their authority and they like to throw it around…and that is what irritates me. I admit that they are more knowledgeable than me, but hey, I'm getting there…and if they juss step down from the pedestal that they put themselves on, they might see that we are people that do respect them for their degree, and we are asking them to help us get ours. They are teachers for a reason…and I really don't think that everyone can be teachers. They might have the smarts…but it's more than that. It's a lot more than that…

So by the time I get home, I'm already pissed off because it's already dark and there was juss enough light so that I can get home without having to walk in the pitch dark (which if it was that dark, I am so glad that I have friends (and cousin) to call on to walk with me…yeah, I know, I'm a scardy-cat! *laughs*)…and when I get home, my neighbors (both sides are all boys…they are great) are laughing and having fun…so I go out and socialize with them. And I get this horrible craving for popcorn. And I want some…and my neighbor's make me some…actually a lot…*laughs* yeah, I can always count on friends to make me smile.

I am always getting told that I can get a cheaper place…a better place…a place that is more safer…but in all honesty, I feel pretty safe at my place. Now walking here is a different story (there is a reason why the road here is called Rape Street and Sniper Avenue!!) but for the most part, I know that I can text/call my neighbors and they will come with me…or some guy will walk me home…friends are great. At my place…if I want to be by myself, they will leave me alone, but when I want to hang out with my neighbors because I hate the loneliness…they are there, ready with their stories and laughs. I love it.

Yeah…it's not all that bad here. Sometimes it's hard to keep a positive mind. Sometimes it's hard to find something to smile about…but I know that I'm a strong person. I look for those things to smile about. I greet people with a smile and a joke (if I know them). I meet people and try hard to remember their name (AND their face! There are SO many people here!) I force myself out of my apartment, I force myself to smile, and I force myself to not feel depressed…and you know…there are a lot of things to smile about. You know, I'm seriously pissed off that they have planted a guard at the wall now and we can't jump…so what use to be 15 minutes to walk to class is now like 100,000,000 minutes…okay, so I'm exaggerating…but not by that much. And not only that…be the walk is anything but pleasant…dog shit, mean dogs, shit, shit and shit…sewer water you have to WADE through (ishy!), dark places…corners that leave you no where to run, uneven pathways, fire and smoke…and horrible stuff…but hey…if I didn't walk to gate two all the time…I wouldn't get to see the people there, who are nice. They always greet me with a smile…and you know they have these really cute puppies there! And they are so much fun to pet and play with…and juss watching the lil kids play with them makes my heart smile. It's so cute! Yeah, there are a lot of lil kids there. And there is even this new baby…I always see the mommy or even the daddy holding her. It's so cute. And for the most part the guard is also very nice and smiles when I walk by. So, I mean, I don't have to be mad…but sometimes I can't help it…but I know that I'm prolly juss making a bigger deal out of things than I should be.

It's been raining a lot here at random times now. It's horrible. Sometimes in the morning it would be so hot that it feels like your skin is about to melt off. And the sun is out, full and shining…sharing all of its hot love to everyone. Not a cloud in the sky…and you think that it's a full blown hot summer day (if you were at home that is !) And you juss feel like this is juss wrong…we're not suppose to have school on a day like this! We're suppose to be on break…and we're suppose to be going to the beach! And here I am juss sweating, walking to class…smiling and joking around with people that I see…when all of a sudden the rain comes.

It's actually pretty funny how things happen when the rain starts to happen. Now me, I don't like that rain…well, I don't HATE the rain…I would be a lot more happier with different clothes on…preferably clothes that doesn't get transparent with juss the littlest bit of water. But…it's juss sprinkling…the kind of light drops that is a welcome relief from the hot, unforgiving heat from the sun…and everyone is running as if it's little balls of fire that is coming down to scorch you instead of the cool drops of water! I mean it…and I'm not even joking! I mean…people are running to get to shelter and their bags are up trying to protect their head…they hands are trying to cover their hair…it's very comical…

I'm not laughing at anyone though…maybe that's juss the way that they grew up here, that it's not good to be out in the sun and the rain. But seriously though, it's as if everyone turned into the wicked witch of the west…and will melt when water touch them…or the sun rays for that matter.

It's pretty funny how you can see the difference with how people grow up…for example, they don't want to tan here. They have all these whitening creams and whitening salons. They are always shading themselves from the sun. They don't want their skin to get any browner than it already is, if anything the more white they are they better they are and supposedly the more "prettier" you are! Now, where I grew up…it didn't matter what your skin color was. People would like you for who you are. But you don't see people running away from the sun and always shading themselves from its rays. For cryin' out loud…we have tanning lotions and oils and sun beds and tanning salons and spray on tans and all that kind of stuff to make it look like your more browner than you are. But it's not even that big of a deal. At least that's how I grew up. It's juss pretty cool to see how different parts of the world live and stuff.

It's funny how the people here THINK they know how "American's" live…from the movies and the magazines…*shakes head* if only they really know. It's not all that glam-ed up as they think it is. I mean, I personally think that it's a lot more fun and more things to do at home…but then…I also know that when some people from here move there…they don't have anything to do there…and that they say that it's a lot more fun here. But "fun" is a word that has its own meaning going from person-to-person. It's not horribly boring here…I juss wish I KNEW the other things that you could do…it's too much repetition here…which is good for little kids…but I'm not a little kid anymore…sometimes I wish it, sometimes I act it…but in reality, I'm not. *laughs*

Well, so my long time best friend's birthday is coming up. It sucks, I haven't been there for her birthday for awhile now. I remember how sometimes Thanksgiving would fall on her birthday…well, Sarah…I juss wanna let you know that I love you, and I'm so thankful for you. Oh, then it's Holly's birthday in two days! So I know that (well, I don't think she does) you don't really read my blogs…but Holly, happy birthday to you too! *laughs*…goodness…a lot of birthday's are coming up…lets see…naw…I won't name them all, because I'll feel like shit if I forget anyone's birthday…but for the most part…happy birthday to all of you! Sarah, I wish I was there for your birthday…but I hope you know that I love you and that I'm so glad that you were born…well, in six days that is. *laughs* I love you.
Well, you know last weekend…was juss a big, bumpy roller coaster ride.

Last Friday, I was suppose to meet up with my child client and go to her house at 4.30pm…and then I felt bad because I met up with them really late…but I'm so thankful that they waited for me. And I had a lot of fun with them. Well, my Auntie Boots (family-friend) had moved here fromCalifornia…and they have this really huge house here…and their kids speak…*drum roll* ENGLISH! And so it was a lot of fun knowing that I didn't have to speak my horrible Tagalog to them….they understood me perfectly well…and we had a lot of fun. Well the older brother wasn't there…but the little ones where there…a 4-year-old very loving lil boy…and a 6 year old very proper girl. But they were so much fun to hang out with. I think they saved me that weekend. Like I said it was a "big, bumpy roller coaster ride…" emotionally. I thought that my heart was about to stop beating…and I think that for a long minute that it did…but I forced myself to be surrounding by the lil kids…and you know they have this way about themselves that make me feel like I have this purpose in life. And that is why I want to work with children…because they are so full of life and they want to learn so much and they are juss so much fun. My Auntie has that game thingy…wii for her kids…and let me tell you…I played some with the boys back at home a long time ago…and I remember that it was so much fun…and it still is so much fun. I swear that I can now understand how someone can stay in front of the TV and juss play forever…because that stuff is so much fun. But no, I did not juss stay in front of the TV and play…we played other games…running around…you know for some reason kids LOVE to run. And juss run…that's it…run. And run…and run. And when you ask "why are we running?!" They juss look at you as if you are crazy and say… "Because! We're playing!" *laughs* Ahh…those days when running was playing. Running for no reason…was playing." *laughs* If only we could juss keep that mentality and juss run. *laughs* And that is why I say that playing with children should be a sport…you do a LOT of exercise. No joke. And you have fun playing with them.

"How do I get through a night without you if I had to live without you? What kind of life would be? Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold, you're my world, my heart, my soul...If you ever leave, baby, you would take away everything good in my life…And tell me now…How do I live without you, I want to know!!…How do I breath without you?!…If you ever go how do I ever, ever survive?!?! How do I, oh how do I, oh how do I live…without you…there'd be no sun in my sky, there will be no love in my life, there'd be no world left for me. And I, baby, I don't know what I would do…I'd be lost if I lost you…If you ever leave, baby, you would take away everything real in my life… And tell me now…!! How do I live without you…I WANT TO KNOW!!…How do I breath without you?!…If you ever go how do I ever…ever survive?!?! How do I?! Oh How do I, Oh how do I live?! Please tell me, baby, how do I go on?!…If you ever leave, baby you would take away everything, I need you with me…Baby, don't you know that you're everything good in my life…And tell me now!!! How do I live without you…I want to know!! How do I breath without you?!…If you ever go how do I ever…ever survive…?!?! How do I?! Oh, how do I?! Oh, how do I live?! How do I live without you…How do I live without you, baby…How do I live…" (How Do I Live by Leann Rimes)

Yeah, I like that song…don't you ever like to do that sometimes…juss read the lyrics of the song…well, I like to read the lyrics to the song while I'm listening to it…especially if they mean something to me…and if something is going on in my life and stuff…and so yeah. Songs are great…so are poems…lyrics and stuff…and so yeah…okay now…moving on…*laughs*

"Che, my room is at the end of the hallway. Sleep in the bed. –k- There's some food in the refridgerator and in the white cupboards by the kitchen table. See you in the morning. I love you! FP" My sister left this note for me the first time I went to her house in April of 2006. (She couldn't be there when I first arrived because she was working) I kept the note because I'm so sentimental like that. *laughs* I know, I'm such a pack-rat…but I like keeping things that mean things to me. This little note is up on the wall here next to me…and when I read it…the "See you in the morning" brings tears to my eyes. How I wish I could see my sister in the morning. We argue. We clash in the way we live our life…in the way we view life. We can't stand each other for long periods of time. We understand each other. And I miss her. The "see you in the morning" keeps me going because it tells me that I don't have to think of the long days that separate us…but I juss have to take one day at a time. I won't see her this morning…or next morning…but one morning, I will see her again.

There's that one quote that I really love… "One day further from the last day you saw your loved one, is one day closer to when you will see them again." It keeps me going…because my situation is not forever…sometimes it feels like forever…but it's not. And I have to keep reminding myself…that it's not. And one day, one morning…I'll be with those I love again.

So how you seen the movie "Love Actually." It's one of my favorite movies of all times…I don't know…but juss talking about missing my loved ones…juss reminded me of that movie all of a sudden. *laughs* …but it's a good movie…I totally recommend it. It's such a movie full of love…and it's not a chick-flick that will make you gag…it's real situations…it will make you laugh, it will make you mad, it will make you feel so much emotions…I don't like ALL the actresses in their…(okay…there's one actress that I really don't like) but all in all, I really do like that movie…it makes my heart all kilig…and it makes me feel all "awww…" and everything .*laughs* I remember the first time I watched it was the first year that I was here and I was stuck here for Christmas…and I was so crying a lot! *laughs*…and then it was the last movie that I saw at home this last time that I was home…I was at Gayle's house and we watched it…and my goodness…yeah, I cried again…it's juss so heartwarming and stuff. I cry…I know that I cry…but I don't cry a lot…anymore that is…but this movie will do the trick if I ever feel like crying…but not out of sadness…well…some part of me would be crying because of sadness…but for the most part, it's a cry because of nostalgic feelings come up and stuff…and juss because it's juss heart-warming. *laughs* So yeah, watch it… "Love Actually." Oh and…why the hell would I ever feel like crying?!
*laughs::shrugs shoulders* Ionno…*laughs*

Well, this is getting loooong now…and so I better end this now. Well, as always, I miss you all a lot…and if I don't know you…well, feel free to say hi anyways. *laughs*

I love and miss you all muchoness…!!

*hugs and kisses*

"Hatred paralyzes life; LOVE releases it. Hatred confuses life; LOVE harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; LOVE illumines it."

(wow…this is a long one…did you reach this far?! Did you finish reading?! *laughs*)

[Transferred from my myspace blog]