Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Love hurts. So does betrayal.

Long ago I asked a friend why love hurts…why does loving someone hurt so much? Why is it that when you love, you end up getting hurt? I figured out the answer to that…if you hate someone…they can't hurt you. They are not on that emotional level where they can hurt you. The only thing that they can do is piss you off even more at them. They can't hurt you because you hate them. However, if you love someone…that makes you vulnerable to their actions. And since no one is perfect…if you love them, they will eventually do something to hurt you…like betray you.

The feeling of being betrayed is something that is prolly one emotion that people find it hard to describe…all in one time, you feel so many emotions for that person who betrayed you. You are confused…is it really true? Did "so-and-so" really do that?! How could they even do that?! I thought we were close? I thought they would never hurt me like that. And it's worst because you loved them. If a person you hated betrayed you…that was your mistake to trust them in the first place (why would you trust someone you hate in the first place is beyond me!)…but if you love the person…you trusted that person maybe too, and they juss turn around and do something that leaves you hurt, confused, let down, deceived, and…lost. It makes you wonder if you should ever trust again. It makes you wonder if you can even trust anyone again. It makes you second guess everything and everyone. Everything you believed, knew, and even had confidence in is now hovering in the air on uncertainty. If that one person you loved, cared for, trusted could betray you…then anyone could. Trust is nearly as fragile as love is…and once shattered it's nearly impossible to fix. One person can ruin it all for everyone.

Okay, so now here's the real question…how do you pick yourself from being betrayed? How do you find the emotional strength to keep moving on with a smile on your face? How do you hide the fact that your heart is heavy with emotional pain, with sadness, with feelings of…betrayal? How do you keep on smiling at the world when inside you juss wanna take a razor to your skin to feel the pain on the outside instead of the deep, bottomless wound that you feel on the inside? How can you even look at the person and smile at them when you know that because of what they did you will forever be emotionally scarred?

A person that I know that told me that life sucks…and that life is unfair…get over it and get used to it. I guess the answer to how do you get on with your life with a "happy" attitude after someone hurts you deeply is to realize that life does suck…that life is unfair…and that you need to get over it and get used to it…never expect…never assume…that way you will never be disappointed. The only sure person that you can really trust is yourself…remember that. Love all you want…but trust yourself.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]