Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Describing Things.

I was looking around online for something and I came across this...and I thought that it was funny...so I decided to share it with you. *smiles*

Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

A deeply unattractive person.

Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and Then leaves.

The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

An office filled with cubicles.

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file.
Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

* 404.
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" meaning that the requested document could not be located.

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just Made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from The outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's Got 4 buttocks.

Aussie Kiss:
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Beaver Leaver:
or Vagina Decliner, Starfish Trooper, Arsetronaut. A homosexual.

Todger Dodger:
A lesbian

Beer Coat:
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

Beer Compass:
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you get there, and where you've come from.

Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

Bone of Contention:
A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that arises when a man is watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.

Breaking the Seal or FFP:
Your 1st fatal piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

Budgie's Tongue:
or Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag. The female erection.

Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.

1-handed reading material.

The bowel movement that, needing to come out urgently, wakes you up in the morning to get to the toilet quick.

Double Bass:
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie'sTongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.

Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.

Flogging On:
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed websites.

Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

Going For a McShit:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

Hand-to-Gland Combat:
A vigorous masturbation session.

Hefty Cleft:or Horse's Collar, Welly Top, Magician's Sleeve. A more than ample vagina.

The type of bowel movement you experience after dining for a week in fast food restaurants.

Millennium Domes:
The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in there worth seeing.

Monkey Bath:
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

Mystery Bus:
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

Mystery Taxi:
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

Sperm Wail:or Spuphemism. A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.

Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with. (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off.)

A lady who goes down first time out.

Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]