Tuesday, December 19, 2006

You Don't See Me

Right now I'm listening to the song, "you don't see me" from the soundtrack josie and the pussycats. I have never seen the movie, but then I already love the soundtrack…but I'm only listening to this song…listen to it…wait…let me juss paste the words…it's soo…well..you tell me…let me put the lyrics here…:



You Don't See Me
Josie and the Pussycats

This is the place where I sit.
This is the part where I love you too much.
Is this as hard as it gets,
Coz I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough.

I'm here if you want me,
I'm yours you can hold me.
I'm empty, and taken,
And tumbling and breaking.

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me.
And you don't love me,
The way I wish you would.
The way I know you could.

I dream of world where you understand
But I dream of million sleepless nights.
Oh, I dream of fire when you're touching my hands,
But it twists into smoke when I turn on the lights.

I'm speechless and fading,
It's to complicated,
Is this how the book ends?
Nothing but good friends.

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love me
The way I wish you would,
The way I wish you could.

This is the place in my heart,
This is the place where I'm falling apart,
Isn't this just where we met,
And is this the last chance that I'll ever get,

I wish I was lonely,
Instead of just only,
Crystal and see through
And not enough to you.

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love me,
the way I wish you would,

Coz you don't see me,
And you don't need me,
And you don't love,
The way wish you would,
The way I know you could.

So what do you think of the lyrics…yeah…It's soo sad…and right now I'm so sad…I'm here in the Philippines…and it's my mommy's birthday….i missed her birthday for 3 years now…2004 I was here in the Philippines, 2005 I went to Monterey Bay Aquarium and stuff to support friends and stuff…and now it's 2006 and I'm here again in the Philippines..i didn't think that I would be back here for my mommy's birthday…and I'll be here for the next few years for her birthday…for my daddy's and my brother's and sooner or later for my sister's birthday…and I think that's so heart hurting…I'm also here for my birthday…and it's sucks…damn…right now, I'm thinking that it sucks to be here…I'm missing all the birthday's of my friends…all the celebration, all the fun…everything…I don't know what I' doing here…and I'll admit right now…I'M HOMESICK!!!! At least for the holidays…most days, I can suck it up, and psych myself out that I'm at home, and everyone else is off at school or something….but right now, I know that it's vacation time, and normally we would all be together…planning something fun since we haven't seen each other in  million years…but no…I am here in Bulacan…and yeah…they want me to RELAX!!! So they won't let me help around here…and I know that there is SO much to do! Because Christmas preparations, the other side's grandparents 50th anniversary, Tatay's birthday…and a HUGE family reunion…and you know what….? This is what really depresses me…I'm not really part of the family. I'm related only to the auntie…and everyone else is on the dad's side…so I don't feel like part of anything. I guess this is what it really means to not have any family around…but I'm really trying…I am…but there isn't anything to do really here…their fun is different from my fun…the KIDS here like to smoke and drink…what pisses the HELL out of me…is there is an adorable baby here…he is only 1 year and 2 months…and GET THIS….when they HOLD him they are SMOKING!!! Okay…that REALLY pisses me off…I'm not gonna tell you off for smoking…you can do whatever the hell you want…you can smoke as much whatever you want…but PLEASE don't do it while holding a baby OR when you know that the smoke is going in their direction…but what can I say…what can I do…he's not my cousin…so I can't say anything…my gosh…they even think that it's fun to blow the smoke in the baby's face…what the FUCK!?! Now that really really really pisses me off…but like I said…what can I do about it…I told them once to stop…but they juss laughed and said that I'm being over protective…but yeah…they even give ALCOHOL to the little kids here… "kuya, I'm thirsty..." oh okay…here…and it's some alcoholic drink…!? The hell? Is that normal? Am i juss living in some other world?! I don't know…what do I know anyways…? I juss know that IF I ever decide to get married (yes, I changed my mind AGAIN! J ) and I have lil babies…don't even THINK of doing that to my lil ones! But yeah…I'm not like that…and that's what they like doing…I don't even like the smell of smoke…but I deal with it, so that I can go out and talk with the others…but yeah…

So, I'm making it seem like it's terrible here…it's not…there are a lot of little kids here…oh yesterday, I actually sucked it in and let them play with my laptop and they did something so it' wasn't function in the widescreen mode anymore…it was a lil screen in the middles…and the rest of my screen was black…and the icons were HUGE…and I was like what the heck…I tried texting my cousin…but I think that he was on the phone with his girlfriend…oh wait…I think I said that yesterday…but uhm…yeah…there are a lot of kids here…and I like to play with them…they help me with my tagalog…I know the language…but the sentence structure is so confusing! And things like "mo" and "ka"…those both mean "you" but you use it in different situations. And if someone asks you something like… "May clase ka?" (do you have class?)…you would normally say no…which is "hindi"…but no…you say "wala" which is "none" …things like that confuse me.  Same thing with "may" and "meron"…uhm…I don't know how to translate that word…like something like "do [you] have" So you can say "may clase ka?" or "Meron ka clase?" it means the same thing… okay, I don't know how to put it…it's juss like that…you can even say, "May clase?" and that means " Is there any class?" I know! So confusing!

Okay, I juss got back from eating…it only took me like 5 minutes though…wow…jejeje…I guess you can eat faster if your not talking all the time…jejeje…I miss eating with the family…I'm always the last one finish…and like forever afterwards as well…because, if there isn't anyone at the table…then I juss turn the radio on, and I'm singing…or my mom stays and talks with me…or I juss don't finish my food. Goshness…I really miss that a lot. Beef…that's what I had…with rice…everything is with rice…noodles…salad…actually I haven't really eaten salad here…like real salad…except when I go to pizza hut and get their cesear salad. But yeah…I miss eating salad. I think that I'm gonna go home and go to Fresh Choice and get myself a hugs salad…but yeah…everything is with rice.

I really miss home. I talked to my mom…I tried calling the house…but no one picks up the phone…but I'm not surprise…no one really picks up the house phone anymore…and then I tried calling my brother, but no pick up, and I tried calling my daddy…but still no pick up…I didn't' want to call my mommy straight because she never really picks up her phone…but guess what? She is the first one who picked up phone…she must have been in the computer room doing whatever she does in the computer/study room…and so she had her phone with her and she picked it up. And I'm so glad…I told her happy birthday…she sent something for me…but I don't know how I can get it…the people told her that they will coming to AUP…but they never did…so I don't know…I really want the stuff that my mom sent me. I really really miss my home.

But you know what!?  I think that this is getting long now…juss wanted to say hi to all you friends! Are you done with Christmas Shopping? I'm not….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 yeah...that's it..i left you all hanging...sorry about that...but yeah..i've been busy, my holidays were lets juss say i wouldn't want to repeat them like THAT again...but yeah...oh, i still mean it about the powerpoint chuvaness...anyways...gosta jet, i have to walk 10 miles to my next class in LESS than an hour and i haven't even eating my lunch and i have no break until 6...so "ma una na ako!" mwuah!!!