Monday, April 10, 2006

choices, decisions, consequences...


You know, i remember way back in 5th grade, my teacher made the class memorize a poem by Robert Frost called The Road Not Taken. And right now, i'm thinking about that poem. It starts out something like how there is a road and it goes two ways, and the person can't go down both. THe person ends up taken the road that is used less. But what if that road wasn't the one that he was suppose to go down, what if it was suppose to be the other one. How are you suppose to know?!

Okay, now make to my life. I'm standing on this road. And i come to my split in the road, and i don't know which way to go! I've prayed about it, i've thought about it, and i've lost sleep thinking about it, and STILL I DON'T KNOW WHICH ROAD TO TAKE? how are we suppose to know?

I was talking to my co-worker about it and you know she said something to the point of this is where you take that blind leap of faith. You don't know what is going to happen if you take the other choice, but if it's this choice that you are going to take, and you hear what you think is nothing from God, then you close your eyes and take a step forward.

She said that "nothing" could be what God is telling you. He's not stopping you, so take that step, and when things start to crash down around you, then maybe your not doing something right. But i'm confused. What if it IS the right thing, and things are still crashing all aournd you. And it's juss satan's way of trying to get you to go the other way.
                                                OR
You take that leap of faith and nothing happens still...because God sees that what you did is working for you so he is protecting you and still saying "nothing" so you continue taking those small steps forward. It's all so confusing!?! but then that is where the faith comes in. I have to have faith in God that no matter what choices i chose, he will be there to carry me through the hardship, catch me when i fall and hold my hand when i lose my step.

I think it's scary. your going on with your life, everything seems okay and fun and fine, your going forward, your eyes are set on your goals and dreams and everything is going as planned. Then you stop. You turn around and now see all that you've been through, all the expereiences that taught you lessons, the friends that left, the friends that stayed, close ones who are now gone, and you realize that your life is different then it was a few days ago, a few months ago, and few years ago.

The cool and fun thing that you can see is where your choices and decisions have brought you to where you are now. I can sit here and play the "what if..." game, but i would be here for hours, and i know that i don't really wanna do that, but i do wonder what would have happened if "what if...i did that instead of that?" i know i wouldn't be where i am today.

i would like to say that i have no regrets, i'm can ALMOST say that i have no regrets. i only have one. but even from that one regret, i learned a valuable lessons, so it's all good. but as i said, all those choices that i took in my past brings me to where i am right now, making another decision. a BIG decision. and i am kinda scared to take that HUGE leap, but i am going too. and it's not a small one-foot step, it's more like a two-feet LONG JUMP! and i'm hopeing that even if no one is there to catch me when i land, i'm hopeing it's the right thing. i think that the most scary thing is, if it IS the wrong thing, it's like a no-turning-back type of thing. I can't backtrack to the beginning of the road and chose the other road. i wish i can, but i have to remain positive. I firmly belive that this is the right road for me to take.
So as i start to "jump" blindly into what i'm doing, i hope all of you who have known me and call me friend know that i love you, that no matter what i chose i will miss you, jejeje...that's the thing about me, i miss everyone when i can not physically see them. like my brother is downstairs, i miss him. :)...but i hope that all of you know that. I miss and love you all.

And if i ever hurt anyone or had some misunderstanding between us, know that you are still in my thoughts, and i haven't forgotten you and that I AM SORRY.

I hope that you all understand.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]