Thursday, September 22, 2005

well then...


Well then...it has been a while since i felt like writing...well, i guess you could say that i always feel like writing, but then, i feel like talking more. But then to me...writing is juss like talking...but not...because i have to actually write down what i am thinking instead of saying it out loud, and i think that i type pretty slow, and so by the time i finish typing one thought, already a million things have passed through my head about what i wanted to say. Hm...prolly that is why i got so used to talking so fast. i wanna attepmt to say everything that is in my head...but i can't really...since i think that it was thought that had the fastest speed, diba?! so yeah....

hm...let me see if i can explain this the way i want to. if you think your right, you won't ask for help, right?! if you personally think that something is the "normal" or the "right way" to you...you won't change, right? hm...for example...if you are right handed...you continue useing you right hand, unless you somehow hurt your right hand enough that you have to use your left hand, or you wanna try something different so you use your left hand...and visa versa. did i get what i'm trying to say across? if not...then forget what i am about to write...but if so...feel free to keep reading...or not, it's your decision...it's not all that important to ready anyways...juss one of those thoughts that are passing through my mind.

Lately, i find it extremely anoying when people say that i talk to fast. WHAT is to fast and what isn't?! who sets the normal speed for talking?! if i talk to fast, have didn't someone stop me when i was younger so that i could have gotten used to talking "normal?" what is the normal speed?! To my own ears I sound "normal." yeah...when i figure out that you can't understand me, i will try to slow down...but you know..if your used to something...you tend to go back to what you were used to...so even though i slow down, i'll resume MY normal speed. I don't know why this is juss anoying me. I know that it sorta anoyed me before...but not really. well...i dont' think that it did...i jsus made me realize that i don't talk at the same speed as other people. but now that i know that people don't understand what i'm saying...it makes me wanna talk less...and so unless i'm with my really close friends...i notice that i haven't been talking as much. and THAT is un-normal! i don't know why this is bugging me so much. i know that i'm making such a big deal out of nothing...maybe im juss in a weird moody stage...iono. but i hope that it passes soon. because those blank stares are starting to get to me.

when you talk slower to someone...don't you feel like you're talking down to them?! i hate talking down to anyone...i know how it feels. it makes ME feel stupid, dumb, unintelligent, like they are anoyed with me. so i don't want anyone to feel that way. so i guess unless this IS a weird phaze that i am going through...i feel like not talking...so don't ask me what is wrong...nothing is wrong..i juss don't feel like talking.

you know...for the first time...i think i REALLY didn't want to play volleyball. there are times where i went to play volleyball, and i didn't want to play, but then i got into the game and wanted to play...and then there are those time where i'm really pumped for the game, then something happens and i dont' wanna play anymore, or whatever...sometime i wanna play or yeah...but last night...i went not wanting to play and i thought to myself that prolly when i get there, i'll want to play. but i never felt that "i want to play." and i felt so terible that i knew that i wasn't playing my best. i'm not great...but i konw that i don't suck as i did last night...oh okay..i wasn't THAT bad...but my heart really wasn't into it. i don't know why. i still love the sport and stuff...but i hope that it was only this one time. AND i sprained my thumb last night...i knew i should have juss been a loser and stayed home to study! :) it's all good...the more excersize the more better i should feel. SHOULD...but hm...wonder what happened there...i guess it was how i saw it. i could have been in a better mood...i guess i didn't have the energy to try.

For all those people out there...i juss wanna let you know this. Early Childhood Education Teachers ARE NOT baby sitters. Juss so that you could know, it is at these early stages of life that you learn everything that is most important to you. yeah...juss that little thought for you think of.

well...yeah...thas about it...but not...thoughts are still flying through my head...but you could be here forever reading my boring thoughts...so much props to you for reading this far...but i'll stop now.

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