Monday, September 5, 2005

She's beautiful!


For the first time yesterday, i got to see and hold my beautiful baby neice. She is so breathtaking, and i could spend forever juss stareing at her. Yeah, i have to admit that i felt like a little child with so much impatientness...i wanted her to be awake already...! But juss watching her sleep for a long time was something so beautiful to watch. Babies dream, i know it, i could see it in her face. She was only 4 days old, but you could see her little eye lids fluttering in dream. Her face would move, she would smile, her TINY arms would "fly" and her hands would grab anything that was near it...her legs would pump and her feet would "open" wide. How do you say it?! Like her feet would stretch open. Her feet were so tiny, her hands even smaller...her fingers would hold my finger, and you could feel her strength in them. it was wow. she has 3 "cowlicks" one in the front, dead center, and two in the back...she could have a little mohawk going there! :) her cheeks were sooo soft i couldn't stop kissing her...she has so much hair. She is so light, she is so small. She is such a wonder. I wanted to hold her forever. When the EXTREME few times she was awake...her eyes would slowly look around, it was like you know that she could see, but then she couldn't. her eyes would open sooo big, dang...she is so beautiful! I didn't want her to go back to sleep. but she would go back to sleep as soon as she woke up, no matter what i did. Oh my goodness, when she yawns...it's like so cute...when she sneezes...why is that...when babies sneezes it's cute...but if i sneeze...it's far from cute...maybe she's new...and that's why. Everything she does is a wonder. :) She's gonna be a gorgeous beautiful pretiful lady when she grows up...juss like her Manang Rosemarie and her mommy Presmarie. I know it.

It was also Rosemarie's birthday party yesterday. And yes, i did get to play with them kids. They are always a blessing. So cute, so wow....:) VERY full of energy. My baby girl got so much...she didn't know what to do with all of them. You shoulda seen her. The second she got home, i was with Baby Leelo, carrying her all over the place, and Baby Girl was ripping open box after box of her toys...it was so cute. She was so excited with all her toys and i'm happy for her. I got a picture of her holding her baby sister for the first time. You shoulda been there to see her face...as careful as she could be, and juss looking at her sister. Her ading Leelo. :) So cute.
Another coolness thing happened...yep...my sister came home. Even though i was only for a few hours...it was great to see her again, and talk about things only sister's can talk about and understand about in only a way that a sister could. Neal brough her up. Wow...she has gotten a keeper there. He's soo sweet, and it's great to see them together. It was fun to watch them, as Ate Faith was carrying baby Leelo, and Neal was there looking at her....wonder what was going through their mind...oh i know...what a cute baby Leelo was! :) yep that's what it was. :) Neal is such a good guy for her. And i'm happy that they worked out their differences between each other. and i HOPE that he is a keeper. I konw that he is...he juss gotta prove it now. :)

I got an e-mail from my Ate in the philippines. It was news about my gramma who i love with all my heart, and i miss with everything in my body. I hate how the last thing that i remember her was her tears, her holding me so hard, BEGGING me to never forget her, to give regards to my mom (they don't get a long that great) and to come back. I feel like crying right now, damn, i'm suck an emotional person. My gramma was and is everything to me. We are so close. I know that with her i can tell her EVERYTHING and ANYTHING and she will never critizie me, she will never put me down, she will never get mad. She grew up in a way different generation, in a way different country and in a way different culture...but yet, she loves me the way i am. I dont' have to change for her. I can be gone from home for days, or even juss hours or minutes...but i knew that i could come home, and she was there...ready to listen to whatever it was. Even the converstation with my neighbors as i went out to get the mail. I remember EVERY SINGLE time i would leave the house....she would always say, "Ingat, balasang, kasi mahal kita." which for all you english speakers out there means, "Take care, my loveing/close daughter, because i love you." she would always wake up to say that. ALWAYS. even if i tried to sneak out of the house, so that i didn't have to wake her up...she would always know. and wake up, to hug me. And you know what there was always tears in her eyes. You know i would always have that lump in my throat when i left the house. Especially when i would be gone for a while, because she would always tell me to take care and that she loved me, and she always made me promise to come back. She knew my life inside and out, how i felt in the inside, how i felt so trapped, i wanted to get away...how i wanted to go far away and not come back until i came back as someone who could make my parents proud. So she always begged me to come back. You know what she did. When i went to the philippines, she knew that i would be homesick for the first couple of weeks...so she went there before me, with out telling me. When i left my school here, i went straight to the airport...and my parents wouldn't let me say bye to her. I didnt' know she left...and i was so mad, they said i didn't have time, i was already 1 hour late and yada yada...i'd see her again...and when i got to the philippines, i was so sad, and i missed her so much. She was the one who picked me up at the airport. And i was soo shocked. She did that for me. When it was time for her to come back to America...i was devestated...but she said that she would be back. and she did came back...but she came back to the philippines to stay. I cried when i left the philippines. I cried kasi i would miss my friends and family that i would leave behind there...but the last person i looked at as i went into the restricted area in the airport was at my gramma's face. I cried the whole way home. I was by myself...and i cried. I didn't know when the next time i would see her again...and i still don't.

"one day farther from the last time you last saw your loved one, is one day closer to when you see them again." 

i miss her so much. SO much.

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