Thursday, September 8, 2005


If I did something to you, that got you mad...PLEASE TELL ME! If i did something to you, that pissed you off...PLEASE TELL ME! If i did something to you that annoyed you, that irked you, that juss for some reason made you want to give me the silent treatment, or treat me like shit, or make me feel like i did something wrong, or make me feel like the most rottenest person on this planet earth PLEASE TELL ME!!!!! As much as i wish that i were, I AM NOT A MIND READER...and i won't know what i did, unless YOU TELL ME!!! It might have been juss a misunderstanding or something, but we can't do anything about it if you're not talking to me. And it frustrates me when people do this to me! They get upset at me, they get mad at me, and they expect to know what i did wrong. I don't go out and do things that would make people mad at me, so i don't know what i did. And it makes it worst if you are giving me the silent treatment...because i will never know what is going on in your mind. If you tell me what i did, i'll say sorry...but i won't say sorry if  i don't know what i'm saying sorry for or if there was even a need to say sorry! SO JUSS TELL ME WHAT I DID!'s juss a favor. You don't have to even tell me yourself..juss let me know somehow WHY YOU ARE UPSET WITH ME! it's not fun for me to juss be sitting here, wondering why ********** is mad at me, or is treating me the way s/he is. I would like to know what caused you to feel this way about me! Please! Communication...please! And i'll do the same for you if you want.
Why is it that as humans we think we know people. I mean, yeah, you may THINK you know someone...but do you really know someone. Like, if a person is all happy-go-lucky, they seem like they have no problems at all, they never get mad, they are always on people's good side...or at least that is how they SHOW themselves to the world...why is it, if they do something out of what we "normally" see them as...we are like "whoa...what crawled up her butt and died?" Okay..i guess i'm juss talking about myself. Why is it that the people who i would hope know me the most, only see me as this person who is always happy, always smiling, always talking, always in a good mood...and when i walk down stairs and i'm not smiling...everyone asks what is wrong?! There IS NOTHING WRONG! i juss wasn't smiling. I wish there were some way that i could show them that i am human too. I am. I swear! i have bad days too, i have days where i dont' feel like talking, smiling, being in a good mood. There are days where i dont 'think of others...where i juss plain "woke up on the other side of the bed!" I mean! Hello! Doesn't EVERYONE! Why is it, when i get upset over parents gotta get mad at ME for being mad! But when they are upset about something, I have to let them be mad. I dont' get i HAVE to continue hiding all my feelings inside with my family!? why can't i juss be myself?! i a human. I'm entitled to have all the feelings that they have too, right?! i don't only have the good emotions and feelings...i hurt, i cry, i get mad, i get frustrated, i want things my way at times, i wanna make my own mistakes...damn! i guess i'm juss frustrated...i wanna get out...i'm sick and tired of this...this...i don't know the word! TRAPPED feeling of trying to make my family proud of who i am...but i can NEVER acheive that! i seriously don't think that it's possible! And being the stupid person that i am...i keep trying to please them..when i know that i can't. ::sigh::
On to more happier thoughts...i'm great, i'm good, i'm loving life. I had a long talk with one of my classmates, and she helped me realize that there are guys out there who aren't there to break my heart. She is such a fun person..she has gone skydiving 3 times and all those other crazy stuff that i wanna do..and she said that one day, she will take me! I can't wait! I wanna be up there in the clouds looking down on this earth...wouldn't that be the greatest?! i think that would be sooo awesome to expereience. She took her boyfriend up there once...and it was sooo romantic...jajaja! The stories that she told me were making me laugh so hard i felt like i couldn't breath! I can so see her working with kids...she a great person.
Well, it's less than half a week now when lissa and rara come home. I miss them a lot. But i know that they are having the most funnest time ever...and they prolly wouldn't want to come home yet. i know that i wouldn't. I can't wait to hear the stories that they will tell! It would be good to have them back.

[Transferred from my myspace blog]